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The scariest thing and growing up


I am just going to start this post off by saying that after finally falling asleep last night, I was woken up at 1 and couldn’t fall back asleep so I am writing this as a sleep deprived, stressed beyond belief college student with a killer headache.

Grr.

I’ll start with the good. I only had one class today (ok i was supposed to have two… i slept through my 8:30…) because my health science teacher had a baby girl yesterday! She’s a new mommy and now I don’t have health science for the rest of the semester! Everybody wins here! I have to say though, I did really love my health science class. It is my only class that really pertains to my major and I was actually able to speak in that class (something that is really hard for me to do).

So I went to Psychology at 10. We learned about mental disorders and I really wish that I didn’t go to that class because it honestly made me so angry. My professor just really obviously doesn’t know anything truthful about mental disorders. All he knows is what he reads in his textbooks and it makes me so angry because the way he was teaching us is the reason that such horrible stigmas come with mental disorders. He even referred to people with mental disorders as, “crazy.” No. Having a mental disorder does NOT in any way, shape, or form mean that you are crazy. Your brain is sick and it isn’t your fault. I just left that class very angry.

And what is a good way to cope with anger…? Burn it off at the gym of course!
I forced myself to listen to my body and cross train instead of run today. I did 40 minutes of sprint and resistance intervals on the elliptical with a 5 minute cool down.

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Wow, I really apologize for how blurry my pictures are…

I followed up my workout with some leg work, Blogilates style! It’s been way too long since I’ve done any POP Pilates workouts. It felt good to hit the mat and do some of her crazy, crazy moves.

Wait, that’s a lie. I did her Abs on Fire workout yesterday… How could I forget that? Especially with the obscene amount of soreness that I am currently feeling in my abs.

Anyways…

I did Legs on Fire

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And an oldie, but one of my all-time favorites… the Saddle bag Shaver

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Legs are definitely my favorite things to work.

A huge thing that has been pressing in my mind is the grand ‘ol question of… well, what the heck I am doing with my life.

I am in college, yes. That should mean that I have a plan for my life. A set career path to follow… i don’t. I am majoring in exercise science. I would love to be a trainer. But is that practical? No. You can be a personal trainer with a high school diploma and a certification. Why put myself tens of thousands of dollars in debt to get a college education if I don’t need it? Is there a reason? How am I going to pay back my loans?

I’m just really stressed and scared. I don’t know what to do with my life. I don’t even know what I want to do. My dream would be to open my own training studio in New York City and run a company similar to Tone It Up. Those girls are the reason for my wanting to get into the fitness industry in the first place.

I want to change lives. Wow. Original. I know. I just want to make people feel ok about themselves. I want to provide an escape to people who need one. Running, fitness, they are my escape. My medication. I want to help people experience that same feeling of self accomplishment and pride that I felt when I would do well in a cross country meet.

I’m just scared about the future. I can feel the clock ticking and I don’t know how to move forward.

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