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Whirlwind


I apologize in advanced for the fact that this will be another, “I’m way too stressed out to be coherent or interesting,” kind of post.

The stress of whether or not to transfer colleges, and where to transfer to is really getting to me. I obsess. About everything. It’s one of my many fatal flaws. It’s easy to say, “Just don’t worry about it!” But see, I can’t do that. No matter what I am thinking about, my mind always travels back to colleges.

It also probably didn’t help that we were in Oneonta this morning. We drove past SUNY Oneonta and my head started spinning. 

It’s funny really, I completely blew off the idea of going anywhere further north than where I live because of how much worse my depression gets in the winter. Now all of a sudden, I am so attracted by the idea of living upstate in the mountains. No I wouldn’t be able to live there full time, but there’s something so enchanting about being somewhere where you can just surround yourself in nature. Going to school in a big city, there is none of that. 

There is also no charm to the city I currently reside in for school. It’s all business buildings with the occasional drug store thrown in there. There’s no magic there either. Not like there is in NYC or Boston (the only other real cities I have been to), it feels cold. 

There must be something wrong when the land of eternal sun feels cold. 

I just don’t know what I am doing.

Not with school.

Not with my future career.

Not with my life.

I don’t know where I belong.

I don’t know what I am supposed to be when I, “grow up.”

I’m scared.

There’s so much pressure.

And it’s crushing me.

I’m sorry for this super depressing and angsty post. And for my excessive use of choppy sentences.

To break the tension, here’s a picture of a pretty road covered in snow!

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