Things have really been crazy around here recently. Everything is just so overwhelming, and it seems that life just seems to like hitting me while I am down.
While this is a personal blog, I also really want this to be a positive place. I am just feeling so down and unmotivated lately. I am overwhelmed to the point that I am completely shutting down. I don’t have any motivation to do anything… work, school, exercise. Granted, I am doing all three of those things, I’m not one to just sit around being a lump on a long. But at the same time, I am definitely not finding myself able to put my all into anything. This blog included.
I am not one to wish away time. Time terrifies me.. There is never enough of it, and the thought of wasting time is enough to make me physically ill. That being said, I am finding myself just wishing the rest of this semester away more and more. I don’t feel like I am getting anything out of this college experience of mine. Each week is just another series of completely uneventful days. I feel lazy and purposeless. I want to enjoy each and every day of my life… Yet all I can really do every day is sit in my room.
I have had a few beautiful experiences recently though.
On Saturday, I rose early to (attempt) 8 miles. It wound up going so much better than I thought it would! It actually went really well and I enjoyed each and every mile. I’m starting to wonder if it’s maybe my mentality while at school that it causing this workout rut. It seems that whenever I am away from campus (with my grandparents) I feel much better (still not 100% though) while working out than I do here.
Having a running trail with a water fountain is the best thing ever. I always get so dehydrated on those early morning long runs.
We also got to celebrate my wonderful grandmother’s birthday!
We started with a yummy dinner from Cody’s (one of my favorite places ever… best rolls!)
Blackened tilapia with grilled vegetables and salsa.
And then it was time for the birthday celebration!
I made a vegan chocolate cake with mocha icing!
The beautiful birthday girl!
I have been really sick this week… Like, my stomach actually feels like it is about to tear open. Wonderful. Will I ever get a good workout in again? I am starting to get really discouraged. I feel so gross and inactive. I managed 3 miles on Monday, started speed work yesterday but was in too much pain after a mile so I did 30 minutes on the elliptical instead. I know that I am too hard on myself, but I really can’t handle having such a low level of activity.
On the upside, my run on Monday was very beautiful. Sunset is the best.
And now I am off to Starbucks to buckle down and write a research paper. Weee! So Exciting!