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Hey! How’s your Saturday going?

I woke up at around 7 this morning and headed out for my long run of the week (I used to do Sunday, but now, since I run with my girlfriends on Sundays, I do it on Saturdays). I covered a rocky 8 miles, my allergies were destroying me. YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE THE PARTICLES OF POLLEN IN THE AIR! It’s insane! However, I muddled through. Was my face completely swollen and was my throat puffy and itchy by the end? Yes. But I did it!

Post-run, I showered and made a smoothie bowl… I didn’t have on yesterday, so I obviously I have to have about five of them today to make up for it!

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Frozen banana, ice, coconut milk, carob powder, cocoa powder, stevia, peppermint extract, and a handful of spinach. SO GOOD! I topped the bowl off with a couple of nuts and some freeze dried strawberries. I also enjoyed some out-of-this-world black berries on the side. I don’t know what it is about Trader Joe’s, but I swear that they always have the tastiest produce.

Oh, and I had some of this before my run this morning.

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On a side note – Erin needs to do her nails ASAP.

“What is that?” You ask? Well, it’s some grain-free vegan cinnamon walnut bread that I whipped up last night! The taste is on point, but the consistency is a bit weird. It’s pretty mushy and falls apart if it isn’t refrigerated. Still, it did the trick as some pre-run fuel!

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Speaking of things that I made last night, there was one recipe that came out successful.

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Vegan. Mushroom. Tacos.

Oh yes.

I was really craving something spicy and taco-ish last night, but I was also craving something really fresh, so I threw some things together and it came out perfect if I do say so myself.

Here’s what I did –

I cut up a few mushrooms (I used crimini, but I would assume that any would works) and 1/4 of an onion. I then sautéed them until soft and added cumin, chili powder, garlic powder, onion powder, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, and paprika to the mix and tossed until fully cooked. I then spooned the mixture onto three (cleaned) romaine hearts and topped with some salsa and a sprinkle of nutritional yeast for some cheesy-ness.

So easy. So good.

I also used some non-fat greek yogurt as sour cream to top, obviously de-veganizing the whole shebang. Still delicious and healthy though!

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Hope you all have an amazing day!

Questions:

What was the last thing you cooked? How was it?

Any fun plans for the weekend?

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Hey, Don’t Judge Me On This…


Hey everyone! Happy Friday!

So something weird happened at breakfast this morning…

*dramatic music*

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Woah. Wait. What?

That’s not a smoothie bowl!

Yeah, I had oatmeal for breakfast this morning. Yeah, breaking out of my comfort zone… I like to live life on the edge.

Wow, I need to stop talking.

ANYWAY, what I really want to talk about is something that you all may think I’m crazy for even thinking about… But try not to judge!

So, if you have read this super heavy and serious post, it should come as no surprise to you that I attend some form of therapy almost weekly. I can’t even begin to name all of the different types of therapies I have tried over the past few years. I used to be extremely secretive and ashamed of the fact that I went to therapy. I mean, it’s hard not to feel some sort of shame about that type of thing. There is one of those stupid stigmas surrounding therapy. If you attend it, you must be crazy right?

Wrong.

I think that I’m at a point in my life where I really don’t care who the hell knows that I go to therapy. If I can’t do something with someone because I have therapy that day, I straight up tell them. Being in therapy does not make you crazy. 

I’m very big on trying to challenge stigmas around mental illness and all things associated with it if you haven’t noticed… haha.

Now, getting off my soap box, I am going to get what I really wanted to talk about in this post.

Like I said earlier, I have tried countless forms of therapy. Traditional talk therapy, psychiatry, meditation… etc. I just really wanted to find something that actually works for me. And I think that, finally, I may have.

I am a huge advocate of holistic approaches to medicine and healing. I see a chiropractor and acupuncturist regularly, and I am lucky enough to have a mother who as into holistic healing as I am. I know that a few of you are probably rolling your eyes at me right now, again, stigma around this sort of thing =P.

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I swear, I’m not one to let some “doctor” stick crystals all over me and tell me that in a past life I was a leopard or something… But I really do believe in the power of traditional Chinese medicine, and I believe it is an amazing tool to both fully heal without drugs and that it fills in the gaps where Western medicine fails.

Anyway, the type of therapy that I have been attending for … wow… probably over a year now, has been a combination of mediation, hypnosis, and talk therapy, and my therapist is amazing. She is just such a wonderful and positive soul and she really cares (I find that a lot of traditional therapists distance themselves emotionally and just kind of stare blankly at you as you basically sit there on your cushy chair and cry… not fun).

The type of work that we do focuses mostly on trying to reach my subconscious mind. This helps “shake loose” suppressed thoughts, ideas, and memories that I may not even know I have! However, I am apparently a more difficult case, and what we have been doing this past year hasn’t been creating the results that I was supposed to get… So we are trying something new, and I can’t be more excited!

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Therapy bathroom selfies because… Why not?

So we got onto the topic of past lives, and I know, ridiculous right? I don’t really think that I believe in the idea of past lives, but at the same time, I am willing to try anything that will help me… So we are going to do some work trying to get me to see my past lives!

We had been discussing fears and phobias that I are seemingly inborn. When I was little, I used to shake and hyperventilate any time a character on a television show got stuck (think Winnie the Pooh getting stuck in the hold to Rabbit’s house). Weird right? So apparently that could mean that in a past life I was tortured or something.

I’m actually laughing while typing this. Doesn’t it sound ridiculous?

Next week, my therapist is giving me a book written by a (famous) psychiatrist who does his work solely through the exploration of past life. Now, like I said earlier, this sounds like a load of mumbo-jumbo to me… But at the same time, I am kind of excited to learn more about this particular approach to therapy!

I thought that it might be fun to document what occurs in these sessions that I will be attending throughout the next couple of months. Would anyone be interested?

Now, I am off to go to the chiropractor, and then I will tend to my holistic herb garden whilst I make medicine out of clay and rocks.

Peace out.

**I really hope that nothing that I have spoken about in this post has been offensive. I really do believe whole-heartedly in holistic approaches to healing and I has such a strong interest in exploring all forms of holistic medicine. I am completely open minded and non-judging of any of this** 

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Uncategorized

Hey everyone! I hope you all had a great long weekend!

Sunday was great! I met up with two of my girlfriends from my high school cross country team for some Sunday Funday action! It was so nice to see my friends after such a rough year away at school. It really does take meeting some really crummy people to be about to appreciate just how amazing the good people in your life are.

We only wound up running around a mile and then walking for the rest of the time while chatting and catching up on each other’s lives. It’s so funny and slightly strange to see how much a year of college changes people. It just seems like all of a sudden all of the people that I knew in high school are completely different than they used to be. I guess college does that to people!

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And of course, no Sunday Funday/hangout with the girls would be complete without froyo!

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MayZay had to point to hers because she was so proud that she managed to fit over a pound of frozen yogurt in her cup! In my mix, I have peanut butter and caramel pretzel flavored yogurt with my regular boring topics. I have missed this particular yogurt shop so muchTheir flavors are da bomb dot com (did I really just say that?)!

My Memorial Day was pretty uneventful. My mom was working and my brother had friends over the entire day (watching 5 pre-teen boy is sooo much fun…).

I started the day off with a 5 mile run whilst listening to my audio book.

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Being a huge John Green fan, I have been wanting to read this book for forever, and I have to say that I am loving it so far. John Green really is a master at character development and at creating characters that seem so real. You can’t help but fall in love with the characters.

I spent the rest of the day cleaning, catching up on school things, and filming this week’s video for my Youtube channel. It will be up tomorrow!

And since I had no where to go… Obviously, I did my hair and makeup even though I spent most of the day completely alone.

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The day ended with my grandparent’s coming over after my mom got out of work. I can’t think of a better way to end a day than sitting outside on the deck with my grandparent’s. I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life.

On a more random note, I really need to get better about writing out blog posts in the mornings instead of at midnight so maybe they will actually be coherent.

Until tomorrow!

Questions:

How was your weekend? Do anything fun?

What’s your idea of the perfect end to a day?

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That Time I Was Stranded On The Parkway.


Hey guys!

Do you ever have days where you really don’t do much, yet you still feel like you were super busy that day?

No? Just me?

Oh… Well, today was one of those days.

I woke up, did a workout, had my breakfast (I’ll give you one guess as to what I had), and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. I have been in one of those moods these past few days where I just want to clean everything, but nothing ever seems just right so I wind up cleaning things up just to mess them up again so I can clean it better…

I’m normal…

These past two days, I have been doing HIIT as my morning workout (my #bootycall to all my Tone It Up girls out there) instead of my normal toning workouts. My muscles have been extra sore this week, moreso than usual, so I didn’t really want to do anything to make the soreness worse.

Anyway, I know I am late to the party on this one, but I have discovered the absolute perfection that is FitnessBlender on Youtube! Their workouts are so quick and fun. I have done a couple of their 1000 calorie workouts before, but never any of their shorter workouts, and let me just say that I am hooked!

This morning I did a 30 minute HIIT routine with some abs thrown in. 10/10. Do recommend.

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For my main workout today was Insanity Cardio Strength and Resistance, an oldie but a goodie! Insanity will always be my go-to for cross-training.

So before I even talk about today (wait, I already have talked about today…), we need to discuss yesterday.

So yesterday, I had the house to myself for a bit while my brother was at school (mom was working and I was watching him), I originally was planning on doing Insanity for my workout, but I was just craving a good run like none other. Since there was nothing keeping me at home, I decided that I would take a drive out to one of my favorite running spots. This was at about 10:30am.

I got to the trail and ran a completely wonderful 5 miles whilst listening to an audiobook (I’ve never done this before and I have to say that I loved it! Such a fun change from listening to music).

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After the 5 miles, I had about a half mile walk back to my car, and that was when I realized something.

My car key was gone.

A few things:

  1. I felt like the biggest idiot on the planet.
  2. The key for my car is a hella expensive
  3. I was stranded on the side of a parkway.

Obviously, I freaked out.

I wound up running the 2 miles back to the end of the trail that I ran and spent the next 2 hours walking the several miles back to my car while looking for my key… And crying. There was an embarrassing amount of tears. People stared.

Lucky for me, my best friend Cody is the most amazing human being on the planet and came to pick me up. He also let me ugly cry in his car (You know, the kind of crying that involves a contorted face and A LOT of snot…cute!) and helped me walk back and look for my key one last time.

Then, right when we were about to give up and go home, something absolutely amazing happened.

Someone had put my car key on my windshield while we had been looking! How unreal is that?! It’ crazy to me, the person who found the key could have easily stolen the car, or someone else could have. The keys to the car were in plain sight! It really was a miracle!

I’m pretty sure I screamed and jumped up and down out of pure happiness for about 10 minutes… I think I embarrassed Cody haha.

At this point, it was almost 4 o’clock. I was emotionally drained and sweaty and puffy from crying. It was some day, let me tell you.

The moral of this story is… Be smarter than me and don’t lose your car keys. If I look at it from a positive point of view, at least I got a lot of exercise! I ran 7 miles and walked 4! Woohoo! =P

Now, I am going to leave you with a photo of the dinner that I made for my mom and I because it was awesome and there are not enough pictures in this post.

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Portobello mushroom cap pizzas (organic tomato-basil sauce and cottage cheese) and a sweet and salad kale salad with walnuts, cherry tomatoes, bell pepper, and spring mix. So simple. So healthy. So delicious. I also made some unpictured roasted sweet potato wedges with cinnamon, ginger, and a pinch of sea salt.

Questions:

Have you ever lost your keys.. or something of equal importance?

What did you have fore dinner tonight? How was it?

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Relocation and Smokey Brown Eyes


Hey everyone!

So I have some exciting, albeit totally terrifying (for me), news…

Next year, I will be moving to New York City.

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This is unbelievable to me… It’s so funny how much my life has changed from what I had thought it was going to be like.

I thought I would spend four years going to university in Tampa.

nope.

I thought that I would be pursuing a career in exercise science.

nope.

I thought my life would be so much better than it was in high school and that I would have lots of friends.

haha.

I feel like I wasted a year of my life going to the wrong college and having a completely horrific experience, but I know that if I hadn’t taken the jump out of my comfort zone and gone to school in Florida, I would have spent the entire rest of my life wondering, “What if?”

Now, I am so excited and so terrified. I will be going to school in the greatest city on earth, and I will also be living there!

I was notified last night that I was accepted into housing (bviously the limited housing offered by the college goes fast… cheap housing in NYC? That’s hard to come by).

If I’m honest, part of me was kind of hoping that I wouldn’t be accepted into housing. It sounds pathetic, but I had such a horrible horrible HORRIBLE experience with housing this past year and I am so scared that something like that will happen again.

But it won’t.

It can’t.

The more I think about it, the more hope-filled and excited I become. A journalism major living in New York City? What could be better? Plus, this is where I was supposed to be… I am sure of it.

When I was a little girl, I had this silly little pipe dream. I was going to go to Columbia University, live in the city during my college years, and become a writer.

Someone tell me why I ever shoved that dream aside.

The college that I will be attending wasn’t even on my radar when I was looking at schools, no school in New York City was. Why is that? It’s funny how often we shove our dreams and ambitions aside because that are deemed childish or impossible.

I am confident that this school, this major, this career path. This is where I need to be.

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Speaking of chasing those dreams that everyone else believes to be ridiculous…

I have started up my Youtube channel again!
I’m unsure if I actually have any blog posts on here (that haven’t been deleted) that mention my Youtube channel … but yeah, I have one!

Youtube has been something that I have wanted to do since 9th grade when I began to really get into makeup and fashion. In fact, my friends all encouraged me to make a channel back in 9th grade (I didn’t) because of my love of doing different makeup looks.

The main problem was, besides the fear of people from school finding my videos, was a lack of self confidence. The idea of putting myself on the internet for the world to see was unthinkable to me. I couldn’t do fashion videos because I believed that I was too large to look good in the clothing that I wanted to wear. I couldn’t do makeup tutorials because I felt that my face was too ugly to be able to be taken seriously for a, “beauty,” video.

Well… Here I am, years later, finally pursuing this whole Youtube thing. I love the idea of making videos and connecting and networking with people all over the world (Hey! That’s something that drew me to blogging as well!). I love the idea of not feeling so alone when you have someone comment on your video or blog post. It’s just one of those thing that I, lamely enough, feel like I am supposed to be doing.

Now, my confidence is still no where near high… Right after posting a video I have to force myself to not delete it right away. I am taking a risk and challenging myself, and I am proud of myself.

So, long story short, I made a makeup tutorial!

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I’m going to shamelessly self-promote my video and stick a link to it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykERPWofFcU

While I know that is no where near the super professional level of what seems to be most Youtuber these days, I am pretty darn proud of how it came out! It would really mean a lot to me if you guys would watch it and maybe even give it a thumbs up!

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Okay, I promise I’m done being annoying and self-promoting now!

In all seriousness, I am so thankful to the few of you that read my little, non-cohesive, rambley, and non-interesting blog. I apologize that all of my posts have been so heavy recently… Just have a whole lot of feeling you know?

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Thank you for taking time out of your day/night and reading this post and I will talk to you all tomorrow!

 

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healthy living

Hey everyone.

I just first off want to thank any of you who read and supported my last post both on here and on my instagram. It was tough to write and I am almost embarrassed that I even have all of that personal information about me up on the internet… But honestly, one thing that I am trying to get myself to learn is that a mental illness is not your fault and it is not something to be ashamed of. There is such a stigma surrounding mental illnesses of all kinds, and it is wrong. People aren’t embarrassed of having the flu or any other kind of physical illness (although, if you have the runs, I would say some people are embarrassed of that haha!), so why should one feel like they have to be embarrassed by a mental illness?

Anyway, moving on to less serious things!

This week, my mom and I are doing the 5 Days Slim Down from the Tone It Up nutrition plan! I am embarrassed to say that I have never actually completed the full 5 days… While my diet really is predominantly clean, starches are my downfall. I always wind up having a couple of pretzels or something and saying, “screw it!” This week, I am confident that I can make it through the 5 days… And easily too! I have found myself craving processed carbohydrates (rice crackers, pretzels, etc.) less and less. Maybe this is due to the lack of access to fresh foods that I had at school? I don’t know, but I’m not complaining!

Dinner from last night: Tilapia with lemon pepper and tomatoes with steamed kale, asparagus, and broccoli and a bit of sriracha!

Dinner from last night: Tilapia with lemon pepper and tomatoes with steamed kale, asparagus, and broccoli and a bit of sriracha!

 

Also, the smoothie bowl obsession is still going strong…

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After this, I really want to try to do raw till 4 for a week (although, I need soy milk in my coffee and tea so that may be a struggle), or even the 7 Day Slim Down from my nutrition plan (way more strict than the 5 Day one that mom and I are doing). I really am not challenged by this cleanse at all and it’s kind of good feeling to know that I am doing well with eating mostly natural and unprocessed foods!

Another part of the cleanse that I already do every day anyway is doing a workout in the morning (you are supposed to do a HIIT workout, but I typically do a strength workout since I can do it in my room in my pajamas haha, and then I do cardio later). This morning, I fought the desire to just workout in my room in my pajamas and decided to head over to the gym to knock out my cardio first thing in the morning.

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3.81 miles covered first thing in the morning! …Followed up by a smoothie bowl… I know, shocker.

One of my major goals for this summer (besides getting a job *sigh*), is to really get my stuff together. Part of this includes nourishing my body with good healthy foods and enough of it. I want to be healthy and vibrant and I want to be strong and successful and as lame as it sounds, I feel like a healthy diet is a crucial component to real success in life. I feel like I completely wasted this past year of my life and spent it digging myself deeper into a hole that I have been trying to get out of for years. Well, now is as good a time as any for a fresh start, and I intend to take full advantage!

A new school in a new city (the greatest city in the world actually) with new people and a new major… I am so full of hope for the future!

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Hope you’re all having a great day!

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Uncategorized

I’m Learning So Much…


Hey guys. Today’s post is going to be a heavy(isn) one.

I’ve been going back and forth for a while about full-on addressing this in a blog post for a while now, it’s really not a big deal… But it’s something that I am afraid that it will lead my blog to a path that I don’t want it to go on. At the same time, I want this blog to be an outlet. Do I want to have readers? Of course! I don’t know a single “blogger” that doesn’t want tons of people reading their blogs, regardless of what they may claim. I mean, we are posting our lives on the internet for a reason, right?

There is, however, a fine line between sharing and over-sharing. As a blogger with no real “mold” that I fit into (I would say I’m mostly a healthy living blogger… But I don’t know if I even qualify for that title haha), I want to be able to talk about my life and my thoughts and hopefully have people out there read what I write and relate to what I am going through. However, it’s tough to share your life on the internet… There is a part of me that wants to spill my entire life story and every single morbid/happy/random/hopeful/pessimistic thought that pops into my mind… But something tells me that that would not make for the most enjoyable blog to read, nor would it make Snapbacksnandracingflats the positive and uplifting place that I want it to be.

Yet, I know that by holding things back, I am keeping this blog from being anything more than a place for me to say what I ate and how much I ran that day… To me, that’s not what blogging is about.

So here it goes, I know that I have referenced to this fact before… But I have never (at least, not in any posts that are still live) said this flat out on here.

I have an eating disorder Or I am in recovery from an eating disorder, and I have been for the past 3 years.

When I first started this blog, it was completely as a, “spill your guts,” outlet. I had recently gotten out of the hospital after being admitted for my low weight and heart rate, I had also just lost my father… So my life was kinda-sorta a mess.

So that’s when Snapbacks and Racing Flats was born, although, back then it was called Erin Learns to Live.

The problem with prefacing a blog with the fact that you are in recovery from an eating disorder is that, once you release that information into the world, it a) stays with you, b) drives people/readers away and c) makes it feel like the focus of your blog has to be your recovery. 

So, about a year into blogging, I went back and deleted all of my posts and restarted.

Then I did it again a year later.

Right now, at almost a year since the blog that is now Snapbacks and Racing Flats (can I call it SandR for short?), it is the longest that I have gone blogging without deleting the whole thing.

And I am really enjoying writing this thing…  But there is something missing.

I struggle… A lot. And while I don’t plan on, nor do I want to posting about all of my unhealthy thoughts and how depressed and miserable I am every day, this illness is a part of me, and I use up a large majority of my life-force each and every day trying to fight the incessant horrible voice in my head that is telling me that I am not good enough. The one that is telling me to skip a meal. The one that is telling me that a 3 mile run isn’t enough of a workout and that I need to do much more.

I’ve been fighting this monster inside my brain for a long time… Almost 10 years now (my official diagnosis was almost 4 years ago, but I was ill long before that), and I have come so far. I don’t want this blog to become an annoying teenager with a disorder that whines about how hard things are and makes people feel uneasy.

I want this to be a place of positivity, health, and most importantly, hope. I want to be able to show people that you can over come a heck of a lot of (pardon my french) shit that life throws at you. You can do anything, That you set your mind to. You exist for a reason, and I want to make sure that no one every forgets that. I am not the most religious person on the planet, I will admit to that… But I truly, 100% believe that everyone is born with a mission. There is not a single person on this planet that doesn’t have a purpose, although it is so easy to sometimes think the opposite. These thoughts are poison.

I’ll never be successful.

I’m such a failure.

I’m not good enough… Not attractive/thin/smart/rich/athletic/talented enough.

I am unimportant.

No.

I really don’t know how this post that was supposed to be just a brief overview of what is really my story (my eating disorder is actually how I found healthy living blogs, which helped so much in my recovery! It is also how I found a love for running.) turned into one of the most wordy posts I have ever done…

But truly, I really hope that this whole thing makes sense and is not just a jumble of words…Because that is honestly what it feels like. I feel like my brain is just going and my hands are just typing… I’m not really thinking much about what I am writing. So I’m sorry.

I just… I wanted this fact, my diagnosis, to be known. Not because it is my identity… If I have learned anything in these past 3 years is that I am SO MUCH MORE than my diagnosis (and so are you!), but to disclose to you, my reader friends, some information that I think is important in doing what I am doing here, sharing my life. And my recovery from this disease that has grasped me so tightly for such a long time is a huge part of my life. I feel that by releasing this little secret about me (although this is scary as hell), will make blogging a little bit easier. I feel as though I can put more of myself into what I am writing, and I hope that this will help this blog grow… Because I really do love this thing. And even though I know that there are maybe two people that read this thing, I couldn’t be happier. I hope that those two people reading this take something away from my blog. I hope that they know that they are more than enough and that they are special and worth it. I hope they know that they are strong and beautiful.

I hope they know that I am thankful for them.

 

 

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