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Thinking Out Loud – Not Feeling It


Hey guys. It’s Thursday.

20140703-233615-84975169.jpgThank you Amanda for hosting this link up.

1. Workout – This morning, I was originally planning on doing a pool workout. However, I woke up wanting nothing less than to get into my swim suit and into a cold pool. Also, my arms were really sore. Also, I’m doing this thing where I try not to guilt myself into doing things that I really don’t want to do.

So I did a new (to me) elliptical workout instead.

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I really liked it.

2. Banana Island. If you don’t know what an “island cleanse” is… It’s a detox that is super common in the 80/10/10 raw vegan community (I have been doing a lot of research on the lifestyle lately). The basic gist of the detox is that you get your calories solely from “mono-meals” or meals consisting of a single type of fruit.

The idea is that you are giving your digestive system a rest (similar to in a juice fast) by feeding it simple and easy to digest foods.

Well, I lasted half a day.

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Honestly, I really understood the idea of a “banana detox” at first. Simple foods = simple to digest = ease the stomach and digestive issues I have been having = clean slate. I had really only planned on doing it for a day, I had no interest in eating nothing but bananas for 4+ days as is recommended.

There are two main reasons that I didn’t complete my day ‘o ‘nanners.

1. I was stressing over something that should be simple. Nothing but bananas? Why was I obsessing over what to eat for my next meal then?

Oh yeah, that eating disorder that I am recovering from.

I know that one day really isn’t a big deal. Anyone can do something for one day… But if I was forcing my mind to backtrack into that place where I obsess about food… How is the detox helpful to me? Doesn’t really matter if my stomach feels better if my mind feels worse.

2. You’re supposed to eat a hell of a lot of bananas. Think about it, there are, say, 100 calories in a banana? You need to get all of your calories from them.

I have a sweet tooth and I love carbs… But I made myself banana “ice cream” with 3 bananas for lunch and how sweet and rich it was made me feel sick.

Again, how is that beneficial to me?

So… I tried. I failed. I’m going to go stuff my face with pretzels now.

3. I’ve been gone a couple of days.

Truthfully, I feel wrong blogging even today… But I kind of just wanted to say what has been going on here.

Yesterday, we lost a very special member of my family.

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This is Grace. She was 13.

Grace had a rare condition called Sanflippo Syndrome, read more about it here. 

No one saw it coming. It wasn’t supposed to happen. Not for years.

I don’t really know how to react.

So yeah, it feels wrong to blog about my trivial life when a little angel’s just ended.

I want to write more about her, but I don’t really know what to say. I just want people to know about her and her illness and what an angel she was. I want people to know how amazing my aunt, her mother is, and how she is one of the strongest people that I know.

But really, what I want most is to make everything better. And I can’t do that.

 

I’m sorry this is really depressing. I hope you are all having a nice Thursday.

 

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