Fat Is Not A Feeling

Hey all!

Workout –  I had originally planned on swimming this morning since I haven’t in a long time… But quite honestly, I just wasn’t feeling it.

Instead, I went for Insanity Asylum’s Game Day. Definitely my favorite workout from the Asylum vol. 1 version of Insanity.


No Shaun T… It most certainly does not.

Breakfast – Breakfast was kind of sort of super exciting today. Actually, it’s always exciting… I just really love smoothie bowls guys.

But what made today’s meal extra special was this little guy.


Dragon fruit!

You guys may have seen that I went to the asian grocery store near my home yesterday and came home with one (way too expensive) fun new fruit to try! 



I really wasn’t expecting dragon fruit to be as mild as it is! I thought it would be sweeter, but it actually doesn’t have all that much flavor (or at least mine didn’t). Very nice and refreshing and I loved the crunch of all the little seeds in my smoothie. 

Plus, it’s just a really cool fruit to look at!


So what I want to address today is something that I have (obviously) been struggling with for quite some time.

Feeling fat.

We have all, at one point or another, thought or uttered something along the lines of, “I feel fat today.” I mean, I know that I personally am guilty of saying that exact sentence (often accompanied by an “ugh”) at least once a day, often more.

But here’s the funny thing, fat is not a feeling.

Look at any list of the spectrum of emotions and I will guarantee you that never once will you find the word fat there. Happy? Yes. Angry? Yes. Disgruntled? Indeed. Fat? Nope.

You know what fat actually is? A macronutrient. 

Yes, fat can also be used as an adjective in describing a creature with an excessive amount of, well, fat. Fat is a substance. Fat is not a state of being.

Recently, I have been finding that I have been having “fat days” more often than not. And what is a “fat day” you ask? Well dear reader, a “fat day” is defined (by me) as one of those days where you wake up and the first thing that comes to mind upon getting up and moving your body is, “Ugh, I feel/am so fat today.”

Now here’s the thing, while some of those “fat days” that people have sometimes have a reasoning, whether it be a PMS symptom, a result of eating too much salt the night before, etc.. More often than not, the person having the “fat day” will, in fact, look and weight the same as he/she did the day before. They just can’t see it.

It’s all about perspective. 

The funny thing about feeling fat is how completely normal it seems in todays society, when, in fact, it is one of the most nonsensical idea/statement there is. How can you “feel” something that is not an emotion. I don’t wake up and say, “I feel protein today.” It’s basically the same thing.

I found this little cartoon online that I believe sums up the topic of fat as a feeling absolutely perfectly.






So there you have it. Next time you find yourself “feeling fat,” I need you to promise me that you will remind yourself that you can’t feel fat. It’s not a state of being. 

Also, you are not fat. You are a person, a wonderful shining human being with hopes and dreams and ambitions and what is, I bet, a kick-butt personality to boot.

You are not fat, you have fat. You also have bones and organs and muscles. You are not any of those things either. 

I just need you to know that you are you and that in itself is something to cherish and be proud of. 

I hope you all have a wonderful night and I will talk to you tomorrow Good night =)


Family is Everything

Hi guys, once again I have been MIA. I have been home for the last couple of days for spring break, and quite frankly, I kind of forgot about blogging… Not that anything all that interesting has really happened.

I arrived back in the wonderful state of New York Thursday night.



There are really no words that can properly describe how happy I am to be home. I really needed this break from school and from well… life in general. While this semester has been considerably better than last (I can actually sleep in my own room this semester!), I really haven’t been doing well emotionally. I have had more panic attacks than I have ever had in my lifetime in a short period of time and I have jus honestly been crying a lot and all of that super pathetic stuff. I don’t know… I think that last semester, I was just basically in a constant state of emotional numbness. I’m really a hyper-emotional person. I cry really easily and I just don’t exactly have the best coping mechanisms. That’s why it was so weird last semester when I just didn’t care about anything. I mean, I cared… but not to the extent that I normally do. I just didn’t feel. And now I think that this semester all of it is just flooding back to me and I am really having a hard time coping with everything. I needed this time off. I need to focus on healing myself mentally and physically. 



Mother-daughter yoga session after my flight

I have a lot of things that I need to do. Lose weight. Get a job. Get good grades. 

And then a lot of things that I want to do. Learn to accept myself. Be more positive. Accomplish my dreams.

I just need to get my head on straight.

Being home has been really nice, albeit uneventful, so far. I get to take baths and cook things and sleep in a real bed. It’s super nice.



This oatmeal has been my current obsession. 1/4 cup of oats + 1tbs cocoa powder + 1 packet of stevia + vanilla extract + a splash of mint extract = minty, chocolaty deliciousness!

Green juices have also been making a reappearance



kale, spinach, cucumber, celery, grapes, cilantro, ginger, lemon, and aloe vera

And morning workouts! It’s great to not have to work around when the studio in the gym is open to strength train! This morning, I did the Fine Toning routine from the Tone It Up DVD. I wanted a short workout since I’m still super sore from doing Insanity Max Interval Sports training along with this workout on Friday.

Yesterday’s workout was just a super easy 5 mile run. I was so sore that the fact that I was even able to walk was a shocker.




Now I have some paleo banana bread in the oven! Until tomorrow my friends!


Sports Training and I Can’t Feel My Arms

Hey everyone! I was originally going to type this post super late last night (as I always seem to do), but instead, I thought that it would be better to just type it this morning and get myself into the habit of blogging in the morning. This way, I will be able to spend more time on my posts and have them actually make sense haha.

The first thing that I want to talk about it yesterday’s workout. I’m pretty sure that I mentioned that I have been somewhat losing motivation as far as Asylum goes.  I’m just so ready for it to be over. As much as I enjoy having a set workout routine planned out, it’s starting to get a bit stale. I miss running and speed work and I also really miss my gym. I’m only going to be home for a little over a week (just typing that makes me want to cry) which means that I am not going to be able to go back to my gym here at home until Spring break. I even considered not doing my Insanity workout yesterday in favor of some speed work…. But honestly, I know that I will never forgive myself if I quit. So, I continue on.

Yesterday was Game Day, I’m pretty sure that this is my favorite workout in the series.

Screen Shot 2014-01-09 at 12.31.36 PM


This workout consists of multiple, sport centered circuits. These sports include track, wrestling, basketball, speed skating, tennis, swimming, surfing, football, baseball, and rock-climbing. For me, this is the most enjoyable workout in the series. At a little over an hour, it is also the longest.

It’s definitely not the hardest workout (vertical plyo makes me want to cry), but there are some exercises that I can hardly get through one rep of… Obviously, these are mostly the upper-body centered exercises. I posted an example of some of these ridiculous exercises on my instagram here. These moves are from the rock climbing portion of the workout, which in my opinion is the hardest. I also really struggle with wrestling, speed skating, and football. My favorite parts are tennis and surfing.

After Game Day… I had to do Overtime. Overtime is a supplemental workout that you are supposed to do when you feel like you can keep going after your workouts (psssh as if). It is 13 minutes of explosive movements (think lunge to tuck jumps) that is done with Shaun T and two military guys. I thought I was going to die.

Today is Vertical Plyo, I really don’t like this workout and last time I am not happy with how I did with it. Hopefully, today will be better as long as I go into it with a better attitude. I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN. Plus, after today, I only need to do this workout one more time!!

Yesterday, I also tried really hard to challenge myself to eat 5 small meals like I am supposed to.


A sub-par attempt at overnight oats.


The best mint chocolate chip shake ever.

1 scoop chocolate protein powder

1/2 cup soy milk

1 cup water

1 1/2 cup ice cubes

2 packets of stevia

Some carob chips that were thrown in in the end

Oh my goodness, so good!


Green juice with carrots, beet, kale, spinach, ginger, lemon juice, and aloe vera.



Spiralized squash with zucchini, peppers, mushroom, chicken, sprouts, and tomato sauce.

Before my workout, I also had some rice crackers and celery with a small amount of sunflower seed butter and then picked at nuts throughout the day.

To be completely honest, I had to force myself to eat my dinner. I felt so uncomfortable and large and like I gained another 5 pounds just from the day (yes I know that this isn’t possible). I know that the reason that my metabolism is so slow is because I typically don’t eat as much as I should, although I always feel like I eat too much, and that I need to eat more to fix it… It’s just so hard.

But I am going to keep trying! Today is a new day!


Have a wonderful Thursday =).


Squash on Squash on Squash…

I promise that the title of this blog post will eventually somewhat make sense!

There past two days have been so hectic (I feel like I describe 99% of my days as hectic… what am I going to do once I actually have a job?), I feel like I haven’t had a moment to think. Actually, not thinking for a while is probably a good thing for me. Not thinking means not being able to stress about absolutely everything in my life! Woohoo!

So, yesterday I went into the city to do some shopping (window shopping mostly).



Can we just talk about how rad this picture is? I’m so proud of it… Plus, it got like 35 likes on instagram and it’s actually pathetic how happy that made me. Haha!

We just shopped around for a little while in Times Square, spending most of the time in Forever 21. Have you ever been in the Forever 21 in NYC? It’s flipping massive! It literally took us an hour and a half just to get through the entire store! We also each only wound up buying like 2 things…

Next, we went into the Disney store because I have been trying to get a Sven (the reindeer from Frozen) plushie for over a month now! I am literally OBSESSED with Frozen. I have seen it 3 times, and I have been looking to see it a third time… I may or may not be mildly addicted to the movie Frozen… whoops.


Today was another mess of a day. This morning I got my brother up for school (you have no idea what a struggle this task is) and took him to school, then tried to get some more sleep since I haven’t gotten more than 5 hours of sleep a night in over a week. I slept for like a half an hour and then all of this stuff happened and I didn’t wind up officially starting my day (i.e. eating breakfast) until almost noon. Grr, I hate when I start my days late, I feel like I wasted a day. I actually can’t sleep past 9, or 10 being the latest, because I hate hate hate feeling like I wasted a day.

Today, since I now have a working phone, I was finally able to access my instagram again! Which means that I can officially check in for the Love Your Body Challenge! If you don’t know what the Love Your Body Challenge is, it is a yearly (this being the second year) challenge by the girls at Tone It Up that takes place between New Years and Valentine’s Day. I’ll link the info here. Y’all should definitely take part in the challenge! Karena and Katrina are my role models and it’s a lot of fun!

Here’s a little picture of my check in to sum up my day – IMG_0106

My food, like always, was all over the place today. Breakfast, weirdly enough, was veggies with Oikos greek yogurt dip and 1/4 cup of 0% cottage cheese with a drizzle of maple syrup and cinnamon. I picked at things like rice crackers with sunflower seed butter and nuts and kale chips all day… and then made an awesome dinner!

For dinner, (the ugly looking food pictured in the bottom right of the picture above) I had spiralized squash “noodles” with some zucchini (which is also a squash), spinach, chicken, and tomato sauce. So much squash! See? Told you the title would eventually make sense! I topped the whole thing with nooch and it was SO yummy!

As far as my workouts, today was a rest day from the Asylum, so I headed to the gym and did an easy thirty minutes with a 5 minute walking cool down and covered 3.62 miles. Later, I did the new total body workout that Tone I t Up posted. I originally wasn’t going to do it, since my body is so tired from Insanity, but I felt so gross and I was excited for a new workout. It was a great workout! I loved it and will definitely feel it tomorrow… which kinda worries me given that tomorrow’s Insanity workout is… well… Insanity…

On that note, I guess it is time for bed. I have to get my brother up for school again tomorrow. Wish me luck!


When you fall… you gotta get back up

Hey everyone.

So, just a little update on the status of my ankle … because I know that you are all just positively losing sleep over not knowing whether or not my ankle is still swollen to the size of a softball..

Well, it’s a little bit better! The swelling has finally completely gone away, and though it is still bruised, it is not nearly as bad as it was last week! It still hurts, especially if I accidentally turn it a certain way. But for the most part it is doing much better and I even started Insanity back up! I hate that I was set back so many days and I am just in general really mad at myself, which I know is ridiculous but I just can’t help it…. grr. I have to work on this whole negative self talk thing that I constantly do. I think that one of my New Years Resolutions should be to try to lessen how often I talk down to myself. In fact, everyone should have this resolution. You are your own worst enemy after all. I can’t tell you how many times I have told myself that I am too, “fat”, “pathetic,” or, “weak,” to complete a task or workout. I think that most people do this, and it’s not healthy. Your mind can convince your body that it isn’t strong, enough, even when it is. In the same way, you can mentally tell yourself that you are adequate, strong, and good enough… that is how you succeed in life. That is what I one day want to be able to do. To be able to talk myself up instead of down.

Now, that tangent I just went off on actually does actually relate to how my workout went today… but first I want to show you a picture of my oatmeal from this morning because: A) I haven’t had oatmeal in FOREVER, and B) I think I made my oatmeal look super cute (yes I just referred to my food as cute) and I need to share it with SOMEONE because when I tried to show it to my mom she didn’t seem all that excited about it.


May I present to you… Smiley Face Oatmeal Man! He is brown because of cocoa powder by the way.. My mom seemed very concerned by the fact that my oatmeal was dark brown.

Now, onto my workout. This week, the Asylum schedule this week is SUPER terrifying.All of the hardest workouts are lined up back to back and I think I may just die.

Today was Vertical Plyo, this workout has to be the hardest workout in the the entire series, it’s not even hard in a fun way.. It’s just HARD. My legs were already dead from Speed and Agility yesterday and my workout from the day before, so needless to say, I was kinda-sorta terrified for this workout.

That leads me to the whole, talking yourself down and hindering your abilities thing. I know that I can make it through this workout, I have before. Did have to stop a million time stop catch my breath? Yes. But I got through it.

Today, I completely freaked out during the workout. I started saying to myself over and over again how I am too fat and not in shape to do this workout and I ultimately wound up pausing the video for a full 5 minutes while I calmed down. I convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough and it ruined what could have been an amazing workout. 

This is why I need to try really hard to change my thought patterns. I know that it won’t be easy, but I need to keep trying.

And now to finish off this almost unintelligible post… here is a pretty (?) picture of my dinner!



Ok maybe it’s not that pretty… Salmon with a side of kale, spinach and mushroom steamed with balsamic and soy sauce.

Tomorrow I am headed back into NYC, with my cousin this time, to do some shopping. Woohoo!


I’m typing this post whilst wearing a onesie…

I just thought you guys should know.


Obviously I am verrrryy serious about my onesie wearing….

ANYWAYS! It’s been a few days, and I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! Mine was alright, Christmas is always a bittersweet kind of thing. My father passed away almost three years ago, and Christmas really just doesn’t feel right without him. However, I am blessed to have such a wonderful (albeit slightly crazy) family that I love so much. I really am lucky. I have a large extended family and we are all very close. Even my dad’s side is close with my mom’s side! I’m also close with my second cousins and their families which is something that I know not a lot of people are able to say. I really am thankful for what i have.


Awkward family photo, featuring me and a few of my cousins.

Moving on, I’ve been feeling pretty down lately and haven’t really had the motivation to sit down and write anything. I’m stressed beyond belief with wanting to transfer colleges, social things, and just my own personal issues that I have with myself. Those all really came to head when, while doing insanity the other day, I fell and sprained my ankle. Being me, I had a complete meltdown over how I can’t afford not to work out and then went to the gym to do the elliptical. It didn’t hurt as much after the gym, I was happy about that.

Then, being the genius that I am…. I went to a concert with my best friend.
Yeah, probably not the best idea to stand on your newly sprained ankle for 5+ hours… Needless to say, I stood on one leg a majority of the time, couldn’t jump around or anything, and my ankle was roughly the size of a baseball by the time that I left.

Driving home was also quite the interesting experience (it was my right ankle that I sprained).

I’m happy I went to the concert though! It was Bayside’s (a band) holiday show and Man Overboard (a band my friend and I really love) were playing it too. It was a great show, I just wish that I wasn’t in too much pain to enjoy it. I also feel really bad for my friend because I know that I probably wasn’t the most fun person to be at a concert with that night …

Anyway, I have been icing the bejeezus out of my ankle and have been wearing my ProCompression compression sock non-stop. The swelling has gone down a little bit but it still really hurts if I don’t have my sock on. I think it just really needs support.

Not being able to do Insanity with my ankle like this is really making me feel like a failure. You aren’t supposed to skip days, but I just can’t jump on my ankle. I feel horrible.

Right now I’m upstate, which I guess is good since I wouldn’t be able to do Insanity here anyway. The weather is crazy here. I went for a sloooooow three mile run and I swear that I thought my face was going to fall off!



Don’t let that seemingly harmless road fool you! It was completely covered in ice and I wound up pretty much ice skating for most of my run. It was also raining/snowing and I wound up drenched from head to toe. On the up side, my ankle by hurt! My guess it that it was because I was too frozen to feel it.

Being upstate is so nice, cold, yes, but nice. Last night we went out to a restaurant called Soma’s for my aunt’s birthday. The restaurant cooks over a wood grill and uses all locally grown products and local meat (though I don’t like to think about that.)







I had blackened salmon that came with a garden salad and probably THE BEST roasted vegetables that I have ever tasted!



I also unleashed my inner country girl and sipped tea out of a mason jar.

Now, I’m just chillin at my aunt and uncle’s country house in my onesie and blogging. As nice as it is up here, I’m excited to go home. I only have like… 2 and a half more weeks until I have to go back to school… I just want to spend as much time at home as I possibly can.

Until tomorrow mis amigos!






That pretty much sums today up in one word. The highlight of my day was getting to go running with one of my cross country friends! 

We ran three easy miles together while chatting about our college experiences. I really do enjoy having running as my alone time, but at the same time, running with another person is a nice change! I would love to try to get my friends to do longer runs with me to make the time go by quickly, but I don’t think anyone I know would be willing to wake up early and run 6+ miles with me… Some day! 

So at the preserve that we typically run at, there are goats that apparently “work” there. Their jobs are grazing and keeping the grass looking all nice! A job based solely on eating? That sounds like a dream come true for most people. Gosh… goats just get all the luck.

We have this thing where after we run we need to go bond with the goats for a little while. I like to think that the goats remember me and get excited when I visit them… they probably just think, “Wow, this girl really needs to get out more.” …



We found the goats’ family tree! My favorite name here is Windsor Von-Greybeard. So fancy!



Just hangin’ with the bestie.



My friend locked her keys in her car so she had to climb through the teeny-tiny gap in her truck to get into her car to unlock it. This isn’t the first time she has done this. During cross country try-outs last year, she locked her keys in her van so, “no one could steal them.” 

This is why she’s one of my favorite people!










Sunday fundays always end with froyo



When I got home, I did some Christmas baking, did Insanity Strength, and did some more baking. Busy day tomorrow! So much to do before Christmas!!!