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This Was Supposed To Be A Five Things Friday Post.


Hey everyone! Who’s stoked it’s Friday?

Workout – Insanity Plyometric Cardio Circuit.

So nice to be home for the weekend and able to do Insanity. I miss it when I’m at school! This morning’s workout was originally meant to be a run.. But I had to drive my mom to the train station and my brother to school and I wound up just not having enough time to get in the miles that I wanted to before having to get ready and leave for therapy.

This blog has officially become the most neglected thing in my life (ok, that may be a stretch). In case you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m not exactly a particularly interesting person, nor is my life all that exciting. I have a lot of thoughts that I would love to go on about and share with the world… But they don’t all exactly fit into a nice clean package. What I’m saying is that I am the very definition of a mess. I want to blog about health. I want to blog about eating disorder recovery. I want to blog about my life (who the heck would care about that?!). I want to blog about running. I want to blog about the environment. I want to blog about fashion. I want to blog about music. I just want to write. Basically, I am all over the place… And this results in my getting very overwhelmed (I get overwhelmed way too easily, it’s something that I am working on). Once I’m overwhelmed, I start spiraling down into an anxiety attack. After this begins, I begin to mentally tell myself off for my having no right to be overwhelmed when there are so many people (most people actually) who do so much more than me and get it all done and still have free time and social lives. This results in guilt. Which, you guessed it, results in more anxiety. And the kicker here? This all results in nothing getting done. Basically, I don’t know what I am doing with this blog. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself because I really would love for this blog to become something. It may sound pathetic, but the only type of job that I can see myself having any success in in the future is one that involves blogging or Youtube or anything of the like. Again, it sounds stupid. I know. I mean, I just sound like a spoiled little kid who doesn’t want to get a “real job” ever… Right? The thing is, just with the whole anxiety thing… Being trapped in an office all day or having a very strict schedule just seems like it would result in my having a meltdown. That all being said, hopefully if I keep working at it and meditating and going to therapy, I’ll be able to get over all of this depression and anxiety and then, who knows, maybe I will, somehow, have some actual success in something one day. I don’t really know. I just hope that it’s possible for me. I fee like such a dumb kid with a bad case of, “special snowflake,” syndrome. I know that so many people struggle with my exactly mental issues and I know that many people have it so much worse than me (I’m not saying I have a bad life by any means, just that I have a bad mental state)… And they have success in life and drive and they… They have lives. So who am I to think that I have the right to struggle? Who am I to keep screwing up? To haul myself up away from the world because it all just seems to big and scary and overwhelming? Who am I to think that I can maybe be someone one day instead of having to fall into the the routine of the endlessly getting up daily and going to work in a place that I hate so I can have money to support myself? Who am I to think that maybe I could be different? I just … I don’t know. Oh. As per usual, I sat down to write a light-hearted post about things I’ve been up to lately and instead wound up spewing out a whole bunch of nonsensical angst and musings. Welcome to Snapbacks And Racing Flats kids. But seriously… I apologize if you read my blog. Does anyone read this thing? Hellooooo? I’m currently sitting in a Starbucks with my coffee (blonde roast with soy milk is pretty delicious fyi) and am trying to somehow get my Youtube video that should already be up edited. DSCF3271

Yeah.. Um… this happened. I really wanted to do some sort of Halloween-themed video since I absolutely love Halloween but never get to celebrate it because, well, no friends. Unfortunately, I obviously have no idea why I am doing and my attempt at a Tim Burton’s The Corpse Bride themed makeup look wound up looking like… well… this.

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I also can’t even begin to explain to you what a mess I made of my dorm room while trying to maneuver all of the different face paints and things while filming.

I know that my Youtube channel isn’t exactly ground-breaking or entertaining or even quality… But I am really loving doing it. Aside from school, I feel that I don’t have menu things really driving me in life right now. Yes I have running and I want to train more and get my distance up and sign up for a half-marathon once I have the money… But other than that, I am really struggling to find a sense of purpose.

Now, I know that saying that my little Youtube channel with it’s couple of viewers gives me and my life meaning sounds pretty obscene… But, it does. My Youtube channel is an outlet for me to express myself and be creative and express myself.

It’s no secret that I struggle with self-esteem and body image and, well, human interaction. So this channel is really a way for me to challenge myself. I’m editing my video right now, and I can’t tell you how disgusted I am looking at this thing. Not only did I film this right after getting back from a run (probably not my best idea)… But I can see in in relation so some of my videos from the summer and it is so noticable in my face that I have put on weight.

Needless to say, I would rather not upload this thing.

But I’m going to. I am challenging myself to not care and to try and accept myself as I am and put myself out there. It’s terrifying… And exciting.

And now I am off to finish editing this video and go grocery shopping! Exciting times guys. Exciting times.

To end this post on a happy note, here’s a photo of an adorable puppy in a frog costume.

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Oh, you are so welcome.

I don’t know.

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Fat Is Not A Feeling


Hey all!

Workout –  I had originally planned on swimming this morning since I haven’t in a long time… But quite honestly, I just wasn’t feeling it.

Instead, I went for Insanity Asylum’s Game Day. Definitely my favorite workout from the Asylum vol. 1 version of Insanity.

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No Shaun T… It most certainly does not.

Breakfast – Breakfast was kind of sort of super exciting today. Actually, it’s always exciting… I just really love smoothie bowls guys.

But what made today’s meal extra special was this little guy.

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Dragon fruit!

You guys may have seen that I went to the asian grocery store near my home yesterday and came home with one (way too expensive) fun new fruit to try! 

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I really wasn’t expecting dragon fruit to be as mild as it is! I thought it would be sweeter, but it actually doesn’t have all that much flavor (or at least mine didn’t). Very nice and refreshing and I loved the crunch of all the little seeds in my smoothie. 

Plus, it’s just a really cool fruit to look at!

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So what I want to address today is something that I have (obviously) been struggling with for quite some time.

Feeling fat.

We have all, at one point or another, thought or uttered something along the lines of, “I feel fat today.” I mean, I know that I personally am guilty of saying that exact sentence (often accompanied by an “ugh”) at least once a day, often more.

But here’s the funny thing, fat is not a feeling.

Look at any list of the spectrum of emotions and I will guarantee you that never once will you find the word fat there. Happy? Yes. Angry? Yes. Disgruntled? Indeed. Fat? Nope.

You know what fat actually is? A macronutrient. 

Yes, fat can also be used as an adjective in describing a creature with an excessive amount of, well, fat. Fat is a substance. Fat is not a state of being.

Recently, I have been finding that I have been having “fat days” more often than not. And what is a “fat day” you ask? Well dear reader, a “fat day” is defined (by me) as one of those days where you wake up and the first thing that comes to mind upon getting up and moving your body is, “Ugh, I feel/am so fat today.”

Now here’s the thing, while some of those “fat days” that people have sometimes have a reasoning, whether it be a PMS symptom, a result of eating too much salt the night before, etc.. More often than not, the person having the “fat day” will, in fact, look and weight the same as he/she did the day before. They just can’t see it.

It’s all about perspective. 

The funny thing about feeling fat is how completely normal it seems in todays society, when, in fact, it is one of the most nonsensical idea/statement there is. How can you “feel” something that is not an emotion. I don’t wake up and say, “I feel protein today.” It’s basically the same thing.

I found this little cartoon online that I believe sums up the topic of fat as a feeling absolutely perfectly.

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So there you have it. Next time you find yourself “feeling fat,” I need you to promise me that you will remind yourself that you can’t feel fat. It’s not a state of being. 

Also, you are not fat. You are a person, a wonderful shining human being with hopes and dreams and ambitions and what is, I bet, a kick-butt personality to boot.

You are not fat, you have fat. You also have bones and organs and muscles. You are not any of those things either. 

I just need you to know that you are you and that in itself is something to cherish and be proud of. 

I hope you all have a wonderful night and I will talk to you tomorrow Good night =)

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Orientation And I Really Like Salad Bars


Hey everyone!
I’m feeling a little bit more ok than I did yesterday. Still feeling really bad body-image wise and I’m feeling very unmotivated workout wise… But my anxiety hasn’t been bad today so I am thankful for that!

Workout:

This morning started off with a 5:30am wakeup call to complete Insanity Pure Cardio before having to get ready and leave for the train into the city for orientation!

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The high point of my morning was the fact that I got this coffee for free.

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I was in desperate need of coffee, so I grabbed a cup from the coffee “shop” (it’s a table in the waiting area) at my train station… Only to realize that I didn’t have any cash on me.

I apologized a million times to the guy working and as I went to walk away he told me that I could just take the coffee with me.

God bless the good people in the world.

My day also included getting kicked in the shin by a woman on the subway because I was too close to her (it’s a crowded New York City subway.. there was no where else for me to be) and winding up on the wrong train home and winding up stranded in a town pretty far from home without any phone (it had died).

Such fun.

On the up side, orientation went well and I feel like I know the school a little bit better now! Apparently there are 4 levels to the basement of the main building and there is a gym, racquetball courts, and fitness studios down there for students to use. How cool is that?

Also, THEY HAVE SPIN CLASSES! I haven’t taken a spin class since school ended because you need to sign up for spin at my gym 24 hours in advanced and I always get too freaked out to call the gym… So I’m super excited to be able to get back into it once school starts! I also really want to try to get my spin instructor’s certification this year. I had meant to get it last January, but life happened and I never got around to it.

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I really do love the city.

 

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And it’s been a while since I have posted a creepy photo of myself on the good ‘ol blog, so here you go.

Another thing I realized today is that I have an unnatural obsession with salad bars. I don’t know if it’s because they seem to be nonexistent where I live or that I like the idea of serving myself things or what, but I literally can never pass up a good salad bar.

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I went into one of the little food marts in Penn Station to get a drink and walked out with this little snack. The roasted cauliflower got me. I looked so good that I couldn’t pass it up. There were also some (insanely good) mushrooms and squash(es?) in there with sweet potato and a small portion of cole slaw because apparently I love that all of a sudden.

Oh! And beets!

When I finally got home, I found out that my mom was/is really sick and was in bed so I went out to get some soup for her.

And wound up picking up a small portion of goodies from the grocery store’s salad bar…

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This may be the grossest looking photo I have ever seen.

The only issue that I have with salad bars is the fact that they go by weight and me, being the cheap person that I am, always wind up getting pretty much nothing but still having to pay a lot because I tend to gravitate towards the heavier items like beets.

Seriously though, there are no places that I know of with good salad bars where I live. Heck, the closest Whole Foods is almost  45 minutes away! Yes, I do love the salad bar at that wonderful establishment… but not enough to drive for over an hour for it.

You know where seems to have good salad bars? Utah. I always see Janae and Megan posting these awesome salads (um… I need to experience Cafe Rio at some point in my life) and now I’m just thinking about food and rambling about salads and I think that that may indicate that it is time for bed.

A lot to get done tomorrow. I will talk to you all then!

Goodnight!

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Monday Minutes


Hey all.

Today was another day full of getting things done for this upcoming school year. I seriously can’t believe how much goes into transferring colleges! I expected it to be a lot easier than this.

This morning started with Fitness Blender‘s “When I Say Jump Workout” before taking my brother to school.

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After taking him to school, I had to rush to make a train into the city to take care of some things for school. I also had to take the subway for the first time by myself. EEK!

It actually went pretty smoothly. It took me a while just to navigate my school itself (the amount of people who asked me if I was lost is embarrassing), but eventually I found the Health Office where I had to turn in my immunization forms and now I am finally cleared to register for classes!

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Also, apparently cupcake ATMs are a thing.

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HOW COOL IS THIS THING? I kind of really wanted to try it out, and I don’t even like cupcakes!

Alas, I did not try out the fancy cupcake ATM… Perhaps another time.

I wound up getting lost on my way back to the train station (I walked all the way there from school which wasn’t my best idea), and only just made my train. I had planned on doing a little shopping around and exploring while in the city, but that didn’t wind up happening. Guess that’s better for my wallet though!

I did, however, find an awesome and new-to-me snack for the train ride home!

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This stuff is really really crunchy and is actually really good as long as you don’t mind the taste of spirulina (the other flavors mask it, but since it’s so strong you still taste it). I don’t really like that one of the ingredients is sugar but hey, it’s not too shabby for a snack I picked up from a drug store!

When I got home, I ate and hung out for a bit, spent way too much time trying to register for the classes that I need to take (most of which are already full), and finally did Insanity: Plyometric Cardio Circuit. I don’t think I will ever get sick of the Insanity workouts.

I really need sleep and the goal here is that I am going to try to actually get to bed before midnight tonight.

Hope you all had a great day!

 

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I think my legs may just fall off…


But it’s ok…

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Oh so true.

Remember yesterday when I said how excited/scared I was for today’s workout? Oh, well I had every single reason to be scared.

Insanity Asylum Vertical Plyo is, hands down, the hardest workout I have ever done in my life.

I’ve done all of the Insanity workouts, I’ve done P90x workouts, I’ve done TurboJam, I’ve done Jillian Michaels.

Those are all, honestly, cake walks in comparison to this workout.

Let me get into this for a moment. The workout starts with a “warm up” (if you are familiar with Insanity, the warm ups are as tough as workouts normally are) that is more difficult than I have ever experiences. There are split lunges with a jump rope, squat jumps with the jump rope, double jumps, and hop scotches with the jumprope. There are long jumps and pushups and jumps… oh my.

After, like in every other Insanity video in the history of ever, you go into a quick stretch. I swear, my legs were already to give out at this point and it was only about 10 minutes in to the 40 minute workout.

Then the torture fun really begins….

The main workout was filled with a large amount of EXTREME moves from, “switch-kick mountain climbers” to “one legged power jumps,” (oh my God). The “active recovery” was double jump ropes, which are essentially high jumps. Yeah. Some recovery. There were no water breaks, there were no real rests. There was you, Shaun T, and pain, lots of pain.

Tough doesn’t even begin to describe this workouts. It’s one of those workouts that you need to push yourself in order to get better. These moves are… well… insane (hehehe) and you need to push your body to it’s limits. During the last couple of moves, my legs were shaking to the point that I could only to the workouts very slowly. I don’t know about you, but I get really upset and down on myself when I see people in a workout video doing moves that I struggle to do. I had to keep reminding myself that the people in the Asylum videos are, as Shaun T says, the elite. It’s ok to not be able to keep up with them in beginning. Everyone is on their own fitness journey. It’s ok to go slowly. I will improve. And besides, form over speed, form over speed.

After working out, I was reduced to a sweaty heap on the floor… oops.

Before all of this fun/torture began (I didn’t workout until pretty late last night), I did something really fun.

I went into the city with my best friend!

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There really is nothing quite like New York City at Christmas time. Actually, there’s nothing quite like New York City in general. Someone remind me why I chose to move away for college?

Of course, we had to go and see the tree…

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Sorry to the random people in my photograph >.<.

It wound up getting cold pretty fast, so we wound up only staying in the city for a couple of hours, but I would still say that it was a successful trip. We saw the tree and some store windows, plus I dragged Cody (my best friend) into Urban Outfitters to look at vinyls with me! Also, any day spent with my best friend is a good day. It was so nice to see him. Oh gosh I’m just still so happy to be home. I can’t believe that it’s already been a week.

Time needs to slow down!

 

 

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