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Doing What I Love – Style Saturday 9.27.2014


Hey!

I feel the need to preface this post with saying that I am feeling quite a bit… not better per say… but, more… emotionally stable than I was yesterday. This means that this post won’t be nearly as cringey and melodramatic and depressing as yesterdays! Woohoo!

Workout – An hour of elliptical intervals. 

IMG_7504My leg is definitely feeling a little bit better than it did yesterday. It still hurts, but I was able to actually get down the stairs without having to crawl down them today! Baby steps people. Baby steps.

Now the main goal is to keep up with the R.I.C.Eing and not running (I have a bad habit of coming off of injuries the moment they start showing any signs of getting better… Needless to say, this results in reinsuring myself) or doing any other intense/high impact exercises.

Anyways…

When I originally decided to name this blog Snapbacks and Racing Flats, there was a reason behind my choice for this name. A reason that has since fallen to the side.

I originally started writing this blog in 2011, right after having recently been released from the hospital for anorexia and having lost my father. I called the blog Erin Learns To Live because, well, I really did have to relearn how to actually live this life of mine. My world had been turned upside down, I had been prisoner to my mental disorder. I didn’t know how to live life like a normal person should. Actually, I am still trying to learn how to live.

However, I wound up deleting all of my posts from that blog because I didn’t want this blog to be solely focused on my eating disorder. I wanted this blog to be about me, and I am so much more than my diagnosis.

Funny how it seems that this blog has really just become about exactly what I didn’t want it to be about. I think I had to accept that my eating disorder, my anxiety, my depression, they are all a part of me… And I cannot fully express myself without expressing my full self. And whether I like it or not, my diagnosis’s really are a part of me.

Digressing now… I renamed this blog Snapbacks and Racing Flats, because I wanted this blog to be about all of the things that I love in life… All of the things that make me, well, me. And I definitely have a lot of interests.

The two interests that stuck out to me the most were, of course, running (and just health and fitness in general) and fashion/beauty. Thus, Snapbacks and Racing Flats was born. I also really wanted to include music, since I love music more than anything… But my blog name was already longer than I wanted it to be haha.

Anyway, I really want to get back into expressing my whole self on this blog instead of just using it as a platform to rant and complain. That’s what Tumblr is for! =P

I made a couple of Style Saturday posts back in the day, and then, like most things that I start, fell off the routine of these posts as soon as things in life started getting to be too much.

So I want to reintroduce this series. I don’t know if it will be every week, or if you guys will even have any interest in it. For now, I just want to share some clothing items/outfits that I both found online and put together in sets on Polyvore. Eventually, if I can get a tripod/build up the confidence/build up my wardrobe, I would absolutely love to start doing weekly outfit posts… So we shall see!

Well, now that the world’s longest intro to a blog post is done… It’s time to share some outfits/clothing items that have excited for the upcoming autumn season!

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I don’t actually own anything with a peter pan collar as I am always unsure if I would be able to pull them off… However, I think they are absolutely adorable, especially when worn under an oversized sweater! I’m also a huge leggings girl and printed leggings are, in  my opinion, some of best statement pieces that one can add to a plain outfit. I feel that this outfit would look super cute with either a pair of faux suede maryjane flats or faux suede creepers!

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I feel that this outfit is just a prime example of how one can dress up super basic pieces to make an edgy and trendy outfit. I am currently on the hunt to find the perfect (affordable) black booties for winter. I feel that they are one of the most necessary pieces for fall/winter. Yet, I have never owned a pair! I really love the layered black shirt sleeves poking through from under the white top, and then you can never go wrong with throwing on a good anorak jacket over an outfit!

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This is just a compilation of jackets that I am currently drooling over from one of my favorite online shopping sites, Yesstyle. It is a site that sells asian fashion brands and I am obsessed with pretty much everything. Especially that pink moto jacket. Alas, it is over 200 dollars and will forever remain nothing more than a pin on my “epic wish list” Pinterest board *dramatic sigh*.

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Just an outfit that I would, and more likely than not, will be wearing very frequently this fall. I love velvet leggings and I really want to get a colored pair. Paired with all black everything else, the pop of color in the leggings really gives the outfit a special something without being too much.

Also, this outfit would be cozy comfy as anything!

And now, I am off to try to get some sleep giving that I haven’t gotten more than 5 hours of sleep in a night since May. I can slowly feel myself losing it.

Goodnight!

Question(s):

What clothing item are you most excited to wear this Fall?

Anyone hear any good music lately? I need some new jams (did I really just say jams?!)  to listen to!

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August In A Flash


Hey! 

Workout – A low impact workout sounded like a good idea this morning. I banged my knee pretty badly the other day and bruised the muscle. I’m not exactly the best at icing (I detest it so much… But I really should do it more)… So, I woke up this morning to a pretty gnarly looking bruise and a lot of swelling.

Tried a new to me elliptical workout from FitSugar.

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And enjoyed my last smoothie bowl for a while (I got back to school today) post workout. Threw some spinach into the mix to get some more greens in before having to go back to school as well.

 

 

 

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Topped with coconut chips and Loni Jane’s “rawnola.” The stuff seriously tastes like cookie dough. So flipping good.

 

So, terrifyingly enough, today is the first day of September! September has never exactly been my favorite month… I mean, not only does it mark the end of summer, but it’s just such an uneventful month! Not only is the celebration of summer over, but there are no holidays or festivities either. 

That being said, while August was a pretty rough month for me between losing my cousin, my severe panic attacks forcing me to quit my job in a less-than ideal way, and just having been in a bad place in general… There definitely were some good points in the month of August that I would rather focus on. 

So in August I was…

Reading…

I actually have yet to finish any of the books that I started in the month of August. I just haven’t been in the right mindset to sit and read. However, towards the end of the month when I was finding myself spending a lot of time on the train back and forth from the city, I’ve been making it a point to bring a book with me!

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I have mentioned this book before, and it really is a gem.

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Yes, another nutrition book revolving around a high-carb and plant-based diet. I have just really been interested in this particular type of diet recently and want to learn as much about it as I can… I also am loving getting proven information from accredited sources instead of all of the extremist types that I am finding on Youtube (not there are no good advocates of this lifestyle on Youtube). I just always love to know the science behind certain claims made in the health and fitness world.

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I only started this book the other day… But I feel like it needs to be mentioned! Haruki Murakami is a genius and his writing style is just… I can’t even describe it. I just want to highlight every sentence to read over and over again because he weaves words together so beautifully. 

 

Listening To…

Brand New. Brand New. Brand New.

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This concert was seriously one of the greatest experiences of my life. Not only was it the highlight of my month music-wise… But I think it was just the highlight of my month in general.

Also, I got to go with my best friend. So that made it all the more amazing.

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Eating…

Need I even say it?

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Nom.

Seeing…

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I have taken in some pretty beautiful sights this month.

Other things…

I dyed my hair green.

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I embarked on a new life journey at a new school in a new “home.”

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I have remained consistent with my Youtube channel and have really pushed out of what would typically be my comfort zone.

As someone with a self confidence that is, to say the least, abysmal, putting myself on camera isn’t exactly easy. It’s hard enough when it is just my face on camera… But my latest video was a cookbook, which involves showing my entire self… Body and all. It may not seem like all that big of a deal, but it was seriously one of the most difficult things that I did this month. I’m kind of proud of myself so sucking it up and making myself so through with it.

 

So there you have it; August in a nutshell. 

 

Question(s):

1. What have you been loving this month?

2. When is the last time you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone? What did you do?

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Thinking Out Loud 8.28.2014 – Just A Lot


Hey all!

It’s my favorite day of the week (don’t know why, but I’ve just always loved Thursdays), and it also happens to be the day to think out loud!

(I don’t think there is a way to start write an intro to a link up post that isn’t incredibly lame)

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Amanda, you rock!

1. Workout – Kept things simple with an elliptical workout before heading into the city for what was supposed to be (more on that later) my first day of class.

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(Are these pictures showing up bizarrely small or is it just WordPress?)

2. This week, I have been making my smoothie bowls a little bit differently and they are actually the greatest thing ever and I have been dying to share them with you (but not really… Sorry, but I don’t share my smoothie bowls.)

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Vanilla greek yogurt + ice + coconut water + pinch of cream of tartar + stevia. I can’t even. I don’t know the last time I had vanilla ice cream, so I can’t exactly say that it tastes exactly like vanilla ice cream. However, I have had cake batter froyo from TCBY, and I can vouch for the fact that this tastes wonderfully similar to it! 

Topped with strawberries, freeze dried pineapple, and coconut chips. 

I am going to miss my Vitamix way too much in the mornings at school.

Speaking of school…

3. Today was supposed to be my first day of class. It was also supposed to be my first day sleeping in my dorm… Actually, it was supposed to be yesterday, but I may or may not have had a complete nervous breakdown/panic attack that prevented me from going… Good job Erin… Good job.

ANYWAY

So I took the train into the city early so I would have time to get to my room and take some time to get my head on straight before heading off to class. I only had one class today and it was a visual experience class that I need to take as a prerequisite before I am allowed to take photography.

So, right before I had to leave for class, my school’s website went down. My schedule for classes is online, and, for whatever reason, I didn’t take a screen shot of the schedule when I first registered for classes. I figured I would just be able to pull it up when I needed it. 

Nope.

I walked the two miles to my campus whilst frantically refreshing the website in hopes that it would go back online.

It didn’t.

I got to the building I needed to be in and had no idea what the official name of my class was or where it was. All I knew was that it was on the top floor (16th), so I started walking up to the top floor and then spent the next hour trying to find my class.

Long story short, I never found the class.

Ugh. 

I am so embarrassed and ashamed and annoyed that I missed my first day of class and I am also just super upset because the only thing that I was excited for about school was, well, school. The social aspect of college really freaks me out… But I love learning. 

4. My roommate still hasn’t showed up, and I kind of really like being on my own. I know that it sounds super recluse-like and anti-social and I swear that I really do love people… But I enjoy being alone a lot of the time. I enjoy quiet and time with myself and I don’t know that sounds so lame. 

5. PICTURES!

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One thing that I am actually excited for is the fact that I believe I am going to try to get over to Central Park to run tomorrow morning.

 

Good night!

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Thinking Out Loud 8.28.2014 – Just A Lot


Hey all!

It’s my favorite day of the week (don’t know why, but I’ve just always loved Thursdays), and it also happens to be the day to think out loud!

(I don’t think there is a way to start write an intro to a link up post that isn’t incredibly lame)

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Amanda, you rock!

1. Workout – Kept things simple with an elliptical workout before heading into the city for what was supposed to be (more on that later) my first day of class.

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(Are these pictures showing up bizarrely small or is it just WordPress?)

2. This week, I have been making my smoothie bowls a little bit differently and they are actually the greatest thing ever and I have been dying to share them with you (but not really… Sorry, but I don’t share my smoothie bowls.)

IMG_6758

 

Vanilla greek yogurt + ice + coconut water + pinch of cream of tartar + stevia. I can’t even. I don’t know the last time I had vanilla ice cream, so I can’t exactly say that it tastes exactly like vanilla ice cream. However, I have had cake batter froyo from TCBY, and I can vouch for the fact that this tastes wonderfully similar to it! 

Topped with strawberries, freeze dried pineapple, and coconut chips. 

I am going to miss my Vitamix way too much in the mornings at school.

Speaking of school…

3. Today was supposed to be my first day of class. It was also supposed to be my first day sleeping in my dorm… Actually, it was supposed to be yesterday, but I may or may not have had a complete nervous breakdown/panic attack that prevented me from going… Good job Erin… Good job.

ANYWAY

So I took the train into the city early so I would have time to get to my room and take some time to get my head on straight before heading off to class. I only had one class today and it was a visual experience class that I need to take as a prerequisite before I am allowed to take photography.

So, right before I had to leave for class, my school’s website went down. My schedule for classes is online, and, for whatever reason, I didn’t take a screen shot of the schedule when I first registered for classes. I figured I would just be able to pull it up when I needed it. 

Nope.

I walked the two miles to my campus whilst frantically refreshing the website in hopes that it would go back online.

It didn’t.

I got to the building I needed to be in and had no idea what the official name of my class was or where it was. All I knew was that it was on the top floor (16th), so I started walking up to the top floor and then spent the next hour trying to find my class.

Long story short, I never found the class.

Ugh. 

I am so embarrassed and ashamed and annoyed that I missed my first day of class and I am also just super upset because the only thing that I was excited for about school was, well, school. The social aspect of college really freaks me out… But I love learning. 

4. My roommate still hasn’t showed up, and I kind of really like being on my own. I know that it sounds super recluse-like and anti-social and I swear that I really do love people… But I enjoy being alone a lot of the time. I enjoy quiet and time with myself and I don’t know that sounds so lame. 

5. PICTURES!

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One thing that I am actually excited for is the fact that I believe I am going to try to get over to Central Park to run tomorrow morning.

 

Good night!

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life, recovery

A Commitment to Change


Hey!

Workout: 4 miles at 8:42 min/mile average pace + Turbo Fire HIIT 20.

I was pressed for time this morning, as I had to make a train into the city for my housing orientation. Although the commute into the city is only about a half an hour, between walking to the train station, the train ride, walking from the station to the subway, and taking the subway to my building… It takes a long time.

I was honestly really freaking out about orientation today. The prospect of meeting new people in itself is enough to throw me into a state of panic, throw that on top of being in a new environment with knowing absolutely no one, and being sicker than I have been in a  long long time (I was coughing up a lung the entire orientation, girl know how to make a first impression =P)… It was just a mess.

It did wind up being a lot better than I thought it would be though! We played icebreaker games (my least favorite thing to do) and I met a couple of really sweet girls that live on my floor. Already I can tell that the bulk of people at my new school (at least those living on my floor) radiate a much better energy than those at my old school did. I didn’t get that snobby “I’m so much better than you,” and, “All I want to do is drink and party,” vibe from anyone, so I’m happy about that =).

Also, can we just discuss the epic-ness that was last night’s VMAs?!?!

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Like… How? I’m not fully convinced that Beyonce is not actually a robot. One person can not be this talented and flawless while also being a good person.

And what about Miley’s charity? I loved it.

I just live for award shows though. They are one of my (many) guilty pleasures.

Now onto a more serious topic.

I’m sure that you all are sick of hearing me complaining about the fact that I have gained weight. I’m getting sick of listening to myself complain about it as well. Thing is, I just cry and complain and self-destruct instead of actually doing anything productive to not only stop this process, but to move towards health.

I just let myself remain stuck.

And I’m sick of it.

I don’t know if it is because I have a fever and that is making me overly emotional or what, but I am filled with such a drive to change what I am doing with my diet because I know for a fact that it is not working.

Typically, before I fell into this diet rut, I was eating a predominantly plant-based diet. I was by no means vegan, but was eating vegetarian about 90% of the time, and about 80% of that was vegan. I would have meat in the form of either seafood or chicken maybe once a week, if even that, and the only dairy I was intaking was my lactose free cottage cheese (I really love that stuff) and my occasional froyo (I will never give it up.. I’m sorry). I was eating a higher carb diet with a lower fat and protein count. I was not intentionally trying to limit my fats or my protein, I just happen to enjoy fruits and veggies and starches over most fat and protein sources.. So that was what I ate.

And I was actually feeling good.

One lasting ailment that my eating disorder left me with is a plethora of digestive issues. There is barely a day that goes by without me having a stomach issue of some sort, whether it be extreme pain, bloating, or something else. When I was eating a higher carb and lower fat and protein diet, my digestive issues lessened significantly.

Recently, I can barely stand up, let alone leave the house, due to the amount of pain that my stomach is in. Yesterday, I had to cut my long run short by a mile, and almost wound up cutting my already short run even shorter today due to my stomach feeling so horrible.

So what do I do?

I know that I need to make a change… The only thing is, I don’t even know where to begin. Part of me feels like I should just do the whole raw food thing that seems to basically have become a type of cult recently. But I don’t want to do that. I could also go fully vegan. I don’t want to do that either.

I don’t want to cut out any more foods from my already limited diet. I can’t. Even if it is better for my body, even if I do want to eventually go vegan (although I am not sure if that will ever really happen), I know that I am not mentally in the place to do so. I know that a drastic change to my diet would send me spinning back down the rabbit hole into the arms of my dark passenger. I know that I would get obsessive and unhealthy and that it would just lead to my issues with food manifesting in a whole new way.

However, I do know that I need to go back to really limiting the amount of animal products that I ingest, as well as cut down a little on the amount of fats that I am ingesting. I have been eating way too many nuts and way too much nut butter lately, and I find that it is after eating a large (for me) amount of these things that my stomach starts feeling funny. The symptoms are especially prevalent if I eat high fat foods right before running.

As far as protein goes, I am in no position, nor do I have any desire, to limit my intake of it. However, I am not going to constantly freak out about needing to get a ton of protein with each meal. I would rather my meals be based around vegetables with my protein as a small compliment to the meal than it being the other way around.

I also need to stop with my constant snacking.. I honestly think that I may take in more calories through my snacking all day than I do from my actual meals. Yeah, it’s that bad.

Some other goals I have for myself include finishing Dr. Cambell’s (the author of The China Study) book Whole.

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 It is a really great read and I was truly enjoying it. I just haven’t been making the time to sit and read it. I believe that I will be able to get a lot out of this book, and hope to read The China Study as well. I am also contemplating reading one of Dr. McDougall’s books. I am not quite sure which one I should go for, or it will even be beneficial to me. For all I know, it could just be another cult favorite book geared towards the members of a certain movement. I have just heard great things about McDougall’s program, but I will need to do a bit more research on him, his work, and those that follow his lifestyle before purchasing anything from him.

With going away to school and having to be very careful about what groceries I buy, live on a strict budget, and cook my meals in my dorm room with nothing but a microwave and a Magic Bullet, I feel that now is as good a time s ever to really revamp the way that I am eating.

I am so sick and tired of being upset over my appearance and actually being embarrassed by the way I eat and my eating habit.

It is time to make a change. Let’s see what happens.

Question(s): What is the best diet/lifestyle book that you have ever read?

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Thinking Out Loud – Not Feeling It


Hey guys. It’s Thursday.

20140703-233615-84975169.jpgThank you Amanda for hosting this link up.

1. Workout – This morning, I was originally planning on doing a pool workout. However, I woke up wanting nothing less than to get into my swim suit and into a cold pool. Also, my arms were really sore. Also, I’m doing this thing where I try not to guilt myself into doing things that I really don’t want to do.

So I did a new (to me) elliptical workout instead.

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I really liked it.

2. Banana Island. If you don’t know what an “island cleanse” is… It’s a detox that is super common in the 80/10/10 raw vegan community (I have been doing a lot of research on the lifestyle lately). The basic gist of the detox is that you get your calories solely from “mono-meals” or meals consisting of a single type of fruit.

The idea is that you are giving your digestive system a rest (similar to in a juice fast) by feeding it simple and easy to digest foods.

Well, I lasted half a day.

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Honestly, I really understood the idea of a “banana detox” at first. Simple foods = simple to digest = ease the stomach and digestive issues I have been having = clean slate. I had really only planned on doing it for a day, I had no interest in eating nothing but bananas for 4+ days as is recommended.

There are two main reasons that I didn’t complete my day ‘o ‘nanners.

1. I was stressing over something that should be simple. Nothing but bananas? Why was I obsessing over what to eat for my next meal then?

Oh yeah, that eating disorder that I am recovering from.

I know that one day really isn’t a big deal. Anyone can do something for one day… But if I was forcing my mind to backtrack into that place where I obsess about food… How is the detox helpful to me? Doesn’t really matter if my stomach feels better if my mind feels worse.

2. You’re supposed to eat a hell of a lot of bananas. Think about it, there are, say, 100 calories in a banana? You need to get all of your calories from them.

I have a sweet tooth and I love carbs… But I made myself banana “ice cream” with 3 bananas for lunch and how sweet and rich it was made me feel sick.

Again, how is that beneficial to me?

So… I tried. I failed. I’m going to go stuff my face with pretzels now.

3. I’ve been gone a couple of days.

Truthfully, I feel wrong blogging even today… But I kind of just wanted to say what has been going on here.

Yesterday, we lost a very special member of my family.

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This is Grace. She was 13.

Grace had a rare condition called Sanflippo Syndrome, read more about it here. 

No one saw it coming. It wasn’t supposed to happen. Not for years.

I don’t really know how to react.

So yeah, it feels wrong to blog about my trivial life when a little angel’s just ended.

I want to write more about her, but I don’t really know what to say. I just want people to know about her and her illness and what an angel she was. I want people to know how amazing my aunt, her mother is, and how she is one of the strongest people that I know.

But really, what I want most is to make everything better. And I can’t do that.

 

I’m sorry this is really depressing. I hope you are all having a nice Thursday.

 

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Thinking Out Loud 8.7.2014 – I’m All Over The Place


Hey everyone! It’s that time of the week again

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Shout out to the alway lovely host of this link up!

So let’s just get into it!

1. Workout.

I (reluctantly) hit the pool bright and early this morning to get a good swim in before showering and driving to an appointment!

350 warm up

Endurance

100 freestyle pull

100 freestyle kick

100 freestyle

x2 non-stop. No rest between sets.

Speed

4×50 IM order

2×25 freestyle

x2

400 cool down

2. It took a lot more mental pushing than usual to get myself into the pool this morning.

As I mentioned the other day in my less-than-cheerful post… I have been in a slump lately. More than a slump actually. I have dug myself into a full on trench and I can’t seem to get myself out of it.

I’m gaining weight… I have never felt this terrible about my body, and trust me, that’s saying a lot given I have never actually felt good about my appearance. I don’t want to leave the house or go out in public. My diet is repulsing me (hence the no WIAW yesterday). I have felt tired and unmotivated to workout (part of this, I’m sure, my lack of rest days… but it’s hard to give myself rest days when I feel so gross and anxious).

I just really don’t know what to do.

What I’m getting at is that it was near impossible to get myself into a swimsuit this morning… let alone walk out into the pool area in it at my gym.

But I did it, and I don’t regret it.

3. I found this magazine today and it may just be the greatest thing ever.

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It says premier issue on the cover, so I’m assuming that it’s new? Regardless, it’s an absolutely AMAZING health magazine. In fact, it’s probably the best one that I have ever picked up since it’s not gimmicky (I love you Women’s Health, but you are more about lowering calorie intake than nourishing the body and making people glow from the inside). I have only flipped through it at this point, but I can already tell that this is a magazine that I am going to be picking up every time that they come out with a new issue (I believe that it’s a seasonal magazine) and that I am going to be trying most of the recipes, juices, and smoothies in this thing! So excited!

4. I want to go to this vegan convention/festival so badly! It’s next weekend and it’s basically in my backyard. Unfortunately, chances of me going are slim to none because a.) I am broke, and b.) I am not a vegan (read more about my reasons for this here), so I would feel like the biggest hypocrite/phony on the planet.

5. I posted a new video to my Youtube yesterday!

Yes, I mentioned this yesterday… But just in care you missed it I’m posting it again =P.

6. I have been spending way too much time planning what I am going to buy grocery wise at school, what I’m going to eat, and how I am going to store/prepare my food.

I really want to be smart and healthy at school. I don’t have a meal plan, nor do I have a kitchen, so I am thinking that this will give me the push I need to start eating more raw meals. I do need to find where is the best place to buy reasonably priced produce and will need to probably prepare meals for the week in advanced and find small containers to store them in since I am sharing a fridge (I’m not sure whether or not it’s a mini fridge or not) with a roommate.

I’m also worried that my roommate is going to think I’m a freak if I start steaming veggies in the microwave and keep things like lentils in the fridge… I don’t know. That’s probably just me being ridiculous.

7. I finally got some froyo after not having it for what was probably over a month.

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Honey vanilla greek + chocolate with all the fix in’s. Boba is probably my favorite thing ever. So are rainbow sprinkles.

Good night!

Question(s):

1. Tell me something that’s on your mind!

2. Any microwavable or no-cook recipes that you love? Share them with me please!

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