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This Was Supposed To Be A Five Things Friday Post.


Hey everyone! Who’s stoked it’s Friday?

Workout – Insanity Plyometric Cardio Circuit.

So nice to be home for the weekend and able to do Insanity. I miss it when I’m at school! This morning’s workout was originally meant to be a run.. But I had to drive my mom to the train station and my brother to school and I wound up just not having enough time to get in the miles that I wanted to before having to get ready and leave for therapy.

This blog has officially become the most neglected thing in my life (ok, that may be a stretch). In case you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m not exactly a particularly interesting person, nor is my life all that exciting. I have a lot of thoughts that I would love to go on about and share with the world… But they don’t all exactly fit into a nice clean package. What I’m saying is that I am the very definition of a mess. I want to blog about health. I want to blog about eating disorder recovery. I want to blog about my life (who the heck would care about that?!). I want to blog about running. I want to blog about the environment. I want to blog about fashion. I want to blog about music. I just want to write. Basically, I am all over the place… And this results in my getting very overwhelmed (I get overwhelmed way too easily, it’s something that I am working on). Once I’m overwhelmed, I start spiraling down into an anxiety attack. After this begins, I begin to mentally tell myself off for my having no right to be overwhelmed when there are so many people (most people actually) who do so much more than me and get it all done and still have free time and social lives. This results in guilt. Which, you guessed it, results in more anxiety. And the kicker here? This all results in nothing getting done. Basically, I don’t know what I am doing with this blog. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself because I really would love for this blog to become something. It may sound pathetic, but the only type of job that I can see myself having any success in in the future is one that involves blogging or Youtube or anything of the like. Again, it sounds stupid. I know. I mean, I just sound like a spoiled little kid who doesn’t want to get a “real job” ever… Right? The thing is, just with the whole anxiety thing… Being trapped in an office all day or having a very strict schedule just seems like it would result in my having a meltdown. That all being said, hopefully if I keep working at it and meditating and going to therapy, I’ll be able to get over all of this depression and anxiety and then, who knows, maybe I will, somehow, have some actual success in something one day. I don’t really know. I just hope that it’s possible for me. I fee like such a dumb kid with a bad case of, “special snowflake,” syndrome. I know that so many people struggle with my exactly mental issues and I know that many people have it so much worse than me (I’m not saying I have a bad life by any means, just that I have a bad mental state)… And they have success in life and drive and they… They have lives. So who am I to think that I have the right to struggle? Who am I to keep screwing up? To haul myself up away from the world because it all just seems to big and scary and overwhelming? Who am I to think that I can maybe be someone one day instead of having to fall into the the routine of the endlessly getting up daily and going to work in a place that I hate so I can have money to support myself? Who am I to think that maybe I could be different? I just … I don’t know. Oh. As per usual, I sat down to write a light-hearted post about things I’ve been up to lately and instead wound up spewing out a whole bunch of nonsensical angst and musings. Welcome to Snapbacks And Racing Flats kids. But seriously… I apologize if you read my blog. Does anyone read this thing? Hellooooo? I’m currently sitting in a Starbucks with my coffee (blonde roast with soy milk is pretty delicious fyi) and am trying to somehow get my Youtube video that should already be up edited. DSCF3271

Yeah.. Um… this happened. I really wanted to do some sort of Halloween-themed video since I absolutely love Halloween but never get to celebrate it because, well, no friends. Unfortunately, I obviously have no idea why I am doing and my attempt at a Tim Burton’s The Corpse Bride themed makeup look wound up looking like… well… this.

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I also can’t even begin to explain to you what a mess I made of my dorm room while trying to maneuver all of the different face paints and things while filming.

I know that my Youtube channel isn’t exactly ground-breaking or entertaining or even quality… But I am really loving doing it. Aside from school, I feel that I don’t have menu things really driving me in life right now. Yes I have running and I want to train more and get my distance up and sign up for a half-marathon once I have the money… But other than that, I am really struggling to find a sense of purpose.

Now, I know that saying that my little Youtube channel with it’s couple of viewers gives me and my life meaning sounds pretty obscene… But, it does. My Youtube channel is an outlet for me to express myself and be creative and express myself.

It’s no secret that I struggle with self-esteem and body image and, well, human interaction. So this channel is really a way for me to challenge myself. I’m editing my video right now, and I can’t tell you how disgusted I am looking at this thing. Not only did I film this right after getting back from a run (probably not my best idea)… But I can see in in relation so some of my videos from the summer and it is so noticable in my face that I have put on weight.

Needless to say, I would rather not upload this thing.

But I’m going to. I am challenging myself to not care and to try and accept myself as I am and put myself out there. It’s terrifying… And exciting.

And now I am off to finish editing this video and go grocery shopping! Exciting times guys. Exciting times.

To end this post on a happy note, here’s a photo of an adorable puppy in a frog costume.

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Oh, you are so welcome.

I don’t know.

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Hey! I know I have said this before, but I really need to get into a better blogging routine. I’m such a morning person, yet I seem to only write up my posts at night… This leads to half-assed (sorry, I can’t think of a better term) post and then I get frustrated because I really want to put out quality (can writing about my life even be quality?) content and I can’t do that when I’m falling asleep.

So that’s my little spiel about why I decided not to write a blog post last night and am now writing about yesterday today instead.

Yesterday I woke up ready for a run, I was going to just do 4 miles because my knee has been acting up… Then, I realized that if my knee is hurting me, the smart thing to do would be to not run. I do this stupid thing where I guilt myself into exercising when I’m injured (or am heading towards injury) and then what does that do? It causes my getting injured!

I think also that I have been so obsessed with increasing my mileage that the idea of taking some time off of running makes me feel like a failure. I’ve said it before and I will say it again taking some time off or skipping a workout is not failing. The entire world isn’t automatically going to look at you like a lazy sloth just because you’re being kind to yourself.

Do any of you get like this towards yourself where you maybe workout a bit less than usual and all of a sudden feel like your failing your image as the designated, “health and fitness junkie,” of your family/group of friends? Or am I just really crazy?

ANYWAYS! I was kind to myself (and my hurting knee!) yesterday and hit the elliptical for 45 minutes of intervals in lieu of my planned run!

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And of course, you can guess what followed for breakfast.

IMG_4744]I topped it off with some sprinkles because they just make my heart happy.

The bulk of the rest of the day was spent trying to register for classes (all of the ones I need are either full, late at night, or conflict with other classes I’m already taking… ugh), and filming my new Youtube video that’s going up today!

It’s going to be my go-to sumer makeup. I hope you enjoy it! It’ll be up later in the day! In fact, I’m going to edit and upload as soon as the post is done!

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Yay for blurry makeup selfies!

Finally, we really need to talk about my dinner from last night because it was the best thing ever.

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I spiralized some zucchini and served it over a bed of Trader Joes’ Cruciferous Crunch salad mix (shredded brussel sprouts, kale, and red cabbage), with chopped peppers and sugar snap peas. It was all topped off with this sesame ginger vinagarette that I found at TJ’s. I served everything raw for a cold noodle bowl and I think this may become a regular dinner for me!

I also had some roasted rosemary chicken that my mom made on the side for some protein. I’m really trying to add more protein into my diet. I think I’m eating like 80% carbs and like 10% protein lately… it’s bad…

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You know… just a (blurry) girl and her larger-than-her-head salad. The usual.

Now I’m off to go edit this video and get it up! I have to go into work later and I’m pretty nervous …

Talk to you tomorrow!

Being Nice To Myself And Some Food

Aside