Right Back At It

Hey everyone!

I’m back at school after a very hellish few days (about every bad thing that could possibly happen at the airport happened and I wound up not being able to get on my plane. Then, the next day, I had to go back to the airport again for a different flight and the plane was delayed once we were on it by 4 hours… It was a mess.)

As unhappy I am about being back here, and trust me, I am. I am back and at ti with a new attitude… or at least I am trying to have one. It’s hard, I am taking classes in a major that am no longer pursuing, and they are super hard classes too. It’s hard to stay motivated in classes that have absolutely nothing to do with my future… but I digress. I want to better myself in every way possible (heh.. this seems to be a re-occuring theme on my blog these days), and I will. I know I will.

I just need to get through the rest of this semester.

This is hard too, this idea of, “just getting though it.” This is the advice that I keep receiving from people, “Erin, you only have two more months. It will fly by.”

But I don’t want it to fly by. The idea of time, and the speed at which it seems to fly by… That has to be one of my biggest fears. It scares me. I don’t want time to be something that I wish away; I have never been one to wish it away. I have never wanted to be older, to grow up. I didn’t want to… Still don’t. Yet, I had to grow up pretty quickly due to to the happenings of life. And this is ok, but I won’t… no… can’t let go of my childhood dreams. I need to make something of myself. I need to make myself matter. To be someone that means something.

So my “plan” that I had for my life seems to have veered off in another direction. But that’s ok.

So yes, I will just try to, “get through the rest of the semester.” But at the same time, I won’t just go through the motions. I am going to read books, draw, write. I am going to focus on rediscovering myself and learning about who I am and trying to learn to accept the body that houses the person that I call myself.

And of course, a large part of this self discovery involves running.

Admittedly, I have gotten into a bit of rut lately when it comes to running and working out in general. I haven’t been loving it the way I normally do. I have been compulsive. Hours of exercise. No easy days. I have been unfair to my body and to myself.

All of us fall into ruts somethings, where we are just not feeling our workouts the way that we normally do. Not experiencing the joy that exercise normally gives. But why? Having a body that supports me running mile after mile? That is such a gift. It is something to be seen as a reward, not a punishment for the calories that I consume.

 

 

Life is beautiful. It is a gift.

 

Here’s to trying again to live the life that I want. And I am to fail… well… I’ll get right back at it again (total A Day to Remember reference here!)

Jam Packed

I’ve been so busy with school work, but at the same time, a lot has happened. So, I’m going to try to jam as many things into this post as possible without making this too long.

My classes have been going well so far, I am taking a lot of health and fitness oriented class (biokinetics and intro to exercise science and sports studies) as well as a writing class and then *queue dramatic music* … anatomy. Yeah, I have only had 3 anatomy classes and I am already completely lost. My teacher moves so fast and right now we’re doing chemistry stuff like glycolysis and mitosis… Pray for my guys!

Last weekend, I did something way out of my comfort zone… I went out on a Friday night…

Ok, so I know that apparently every single college student on the planet goes out every single weekend (at least at my school that is the case) but it really isn’t my thing. I don’t drink, I have no interest in it. Being around a lot of people really freaks me out, and pathetically enough, I’m just too upset with my appearance to put myself out there in a club setting. Not to mention that the idea of being out until 3 in the morning kind of sounds like my worst nightmare…

Wow… am I 18 or 180?

Anyway, last Friday, I finally got myself to go out with my new roommates and two of my friends and we headed on out to a club that I had actually been wanting to go to for a while, The Dallas Bull !

(excuse the poor quality picture… even though all of my pictures on this blog are low quality… whoops…)

The Dallas Bull is what it looks like, a country club. There is no house music playing, nor is the a multitude of half-naked young adults bumping and grinding on you dance floor. There were people our age, and there were people who had at least 30 years on my friends and me. People at the Dallas Bull line dancing, something that, being from New York, was completely foreign to me.

Basically, what we had to do was wait for a song with a simple-ish looking dance and try to follow along. I had so much fun just dancing and making a fool of myself with my friends and I am so happy that I forced myself to go out of my comfort zone and try something new.

The next day (Saturday) was this crazy festival known as Gasparilla.

In a nutshell, “pirates,” invade the city and all the college kids start drinking at 10am and try to get as obliterated as physically possible whilst collecting beads.

Once again, not my thing. I think that I could have had a lot of fun at Gasparilla. People dressed as pirates? A parade? An entire city closed down for one festival? That’s pretty cool!

Instead, my friend and I went to Sea World… she has a season pass and they were doing a promotion where she could bring a guest for free… I am not one to turn down free things.

Hashtag broke college student life.

And now for an excessive amount of Sea World pictures…

 

 

It has only been a week and a half, but this semester is already 10 million times busier than last semester was. On my very first of of class, I was assigned a 5 page paper in my exercise science and sports studies class. I worked all week on the paper, then realized that I did it wrong… So I had to start all over. ‘Twas not fun. But I have to say, with the exception of anatomy, I am really enjoying my classes so far. I really do love health and fitness and knowing how the body works and I would love to help people find a passion for fitness and I would love to help people feel good about themselves and to learn to love themselves. Unfortunately, with the whole transferring colleges thing, the likelihood that I will be changing majors is very high.

I know I say this in almost every post… but I have no idea what I am doing with my life. I have big dreams, huge goals, and very unconventional ones at that. I wish more than anything that I could live more than one life, I have so many different things that I am passionate about and I hate having to choose.

I think that is one of the things that I really do love about blogging (Umm.. Erin? If you loved blogging so much, wouldn’t you do it every day instead of going days at a time without posting? Shut up inner voice. I have been busy.), it allows you to express all of your interests, I can decorate my blog to fit my personality, I can post about health and fitness and what I am learning about those topics here at school, but I can also be creative and post about other things that I am interested in. Wow, I am getting excited about this whole blogging thing now.

I want to create, that is all I want to do. I want to touch people’s hearts and make them feel something. I love music, I love writing, I love fitness. What do all of those things have in common? They have the ability to illicit real emotion within people… and that is all that I have ever known for certain that I want to do with my life.

Ugh, I’m sorry that my posts always just randomly and suddenly get super deep and serious.

Questions

What are you passionate about in life? Whether it been a certain career or just a hobby.

What do you want to be when you grow up (this can be answered no matter how old you are… you’re never too old to dream!).