Thinking Out Loud 10.9.2014 – Getting Deep Up In Here

Hey guys.

It’s, “Erin rambles on about the jumbled mess that are her thoughts,” day… Or, to put it in a better way, “Thinking Out Loud Thursday.”

Thanks Amanda for creating this link-up and actually giving me the mental strength to sit and type a post (wow, that was melodramatic).

Workout – 45 minutes of intervals on the elliptical.

1. Yup. As I briefly mentioned in my Monday post…. I’m still/yet again injured. I has been almost 2 weeks since my last “run” (ok, actually I ran 4 miles on Saturday because I thought I was healed, but I was wrong and am paying for it.

I strained a muscle in my lateral leg. The pain is most severe in my outer ankle area (hurts to the touch), but it pulls from my arch all the way up through my gluteal area. Not fun.

I just feel as though I am always injured, and yes, I am aware that I am to blame for this in a number of ways… But this just could not have come at a worse time.

Over the course of the last month or so, I have just been spiraling further and further down the rabbit hole of depression and self loathing. I am having trouble getting out of bed in the morning, I don’t feel up to talking to anyone (even if it is just over text messages), I don’t have the mental stamina to complete my school work. Basically, I just feel like curling up in a ball and turning the world around me off. The universe feels too big and loud and terrifying and I don’t feel strong enough to be a part of it.

During the course of this spiraling into a deep sea of depression, there was one single thing that filled me with hope and joy and a sense of meaning… Can you guess what it was?

If you said running, than you are correct.

In fact, the day that I discovered I was injured, I had a therapy appointment before I went to the doctor for my leg. We had an amazing session and we spoke about how bad I have been doing and how running has been my saving grace. She told me how important it is that I keep running, as it is the one thing that gets me out of bed in the morning and that makes taking on the world, while still almost impossible, somewhat bearable.

Of course, right after that appointment I was told that I couldn’t run again for a while.

I completely lost it.

Yup, embarrassing myself, as I frequently do, I started crying in the middle of the medical office. The worst part of not being able to control your emotions is knowing that your reaction to the given situation is inappropriate in respect to the situation. I just feel like a toddler throwing a fit over not getting a toy that they want or something. As a result, I wind up crying even harder because of how pathetic I feel. It is a vicious cycle.

On top of being in a black hole of depression already, not being able to run is a double whammy when it comes to worsening my already less-than-ideal mental state.

On one hand, running is my saving grace. It is my love. It is what I feel passionate about. It is the one thing that makes me feel like maybe I’m worth something. It makes me grateful to be alive in this wonderful, beautiful, and magical world of ours. it makes me thankful to be alive and to have a body, regardless of the size of it, that can carry me for miles and miles.

On the other hand, it is no secret that a lot of my issues stem from a deep loathing of myself, and, more specifically, my body. I was already freaking out over the fact that I feel as though I eat way too much and that I am gaining weight and getting bigger by what feels like the day. Now, I am unable to run or do intensive exercise. All I can do is the elliptical or the bike… Not exactly the top of the list calorie burning machines. I already wanted to get this extra weight off (which is almost impossible for me since I destroyed my metabolism with my eating issues…I really need to get back on track with working on that), but now it feels more impossible than ever. I feel and look puffy and larger. I don’t want to leave the room because I don’t want people to see me. I was already struggling with getting to class, now if feels almost impossible. In fact, I skipped out on two classes this week because I just physically could not get myself out the door. I just crumble… It’s bad.

I think the worst part is knowing on a logical level that a lot of it must be in my head. You don’t swell up 20 pounds over night, but to me it appears as though I do. I have trouble differentiating what is real and what is just a false projection from my disordered mind. It’s like there is this constant war going on inside my mind and I can’t make it stop.

It is exhausting… And quite honestly, I don’t know what to do about it.

Another piece of all of this is that I feel like every time I take one step in the right direction recovery wise, I wind up taking about 10 steps back. At the end of the summer, I was seeing progress, I really was. To others (mainly my mom), I know that it seemed as though therapy was doing nothing and I was in just as bad of a place as I had been for years… But I wasn’t. The thing with recovery is that it is a painfully slow process. Any change, infinitesimal as it may seem, is crucial and important. The recovering person notices them, but everyone around that person sees absolutely nothing.

I explained it, both to my mom and to my therapist, like this – For years now, I have hated my body. I obsess about what I look like, what people are seeing and thinking of my size, and how food is the enemy 100% of the time. At the end of the summer, these thoughts consumed my mind about 98.5% of the time. This 1.5% change of mentality may seem laughable in size… But to me is was huge. 

And now I’m back at 100% of the time for these bad thoughts… And I hate it.

I also feel like I am wasting my mom’s money on therapy and I am wasting my therapist’s time. I feel selfish for even going… I am just at a stand still.

2. SOMETHING MORE POSITIVE!!!!

There is actually one thing that fills me with as much joy as running does.

(from my Instagram)

It sounds stupid, but if I could be absolutely anything in the world, I would be a musician. Now, I’m not talking like a Taylor-Swift-status-billionaire-superstar status musician… I would just want to be in a band with a moderate fan base that I could love. Music is the most powerful form of expression in my opinion. I have wanted to be a lot of different things career-wise in my lifetime, and none of the career paths that I have aspired to really had anything in common. The only common factor among my passions in life is this overwhelming need to make people feel something. I think this is why writing has always been a reoccurring theme in my goals in life. When you read a good book, watch a powerful movie, or listen to beautiful music, it elicits some sort of emotion within in you. Words have the power to be your best friend, your biggest motivator. Words can make you feel less alone… And that is what I love so much about music.

I listen to music by bands who weave words with melody in ways that make my heart cry out. I listen to music that can bring a real smile to my face whilst also brining me to tears… And listening to live music? There is nothing better.

Jeremy McKinnon of A Day To Remember absolutely killing it. 

It sounds like a cliche from a bad teenage movie… But music really has saved my life in more ways than one. I have been listening to my favorite band, Silverstein, since 7th grade. 7th grade also happened to be the time where my depression really manifested into something truly nasty. I have continued listening to that band through the years. I know that every time I am having a really hard time, their music has been there for me, and it will continue to be there for me as long as I have hearing.

There is also something truly beautiful, at least to me, about being surrounded by hundreds of people who all have the same deep connection to a certain song or band that you do. We are all pressed together like sardines in a can, we are jumping, we are struggling to keep up with keeping the crowd surfers from falling to the floor. My hair is being pulled and I am being absolutely demolished by the people around me (don’t even ask how many bruises I have on my body right now)… And for some reason, being accidentally punched and kicked, being knocked over while trying to hold up a dude about twice the size of me, and being drenched in sweat that isn’t even my own… It’s beautiful.

So in conclusion, I have been doing really really awful lately… But I had one really great day on Saturday, so I am choosing to focus on that instead.

This too shall pass.

…Right?

August In A Flash

Hey! 

Workout – A low impact workout sounded like a good idea this morning. I banged my knee pretty badly the other day and bruised the muscle. I’m not exactly the best at icing (I detest it so much… But I really should do it more)… So, I woke up this morning to a pretty gnarly looking bruise and a lot of swelling.

Tried a new to me elliptical workout from FitSugar.

 

And enjoyed my last smoothie bowl for a while (I got back to school today) post workout. Threw some spinach into the mix to get some more greens in before having to go back to school as well.

 

 

 

Topped with coconut chips and Loni Jane’s “rawnola.” The stuff seriously tastes like cookie dough. So flipping good.

 

So, terrifyingly enough, today is the first day of September! September has never exactly been my favorite month… I mean, not only does it mark the end of summer, but it’s just such an uneventful month! Not only is the celebration of summer over, but there are no holidays or festivities either. 

That being said, while August was a pretty rough month for me between losing my cousin, my severe panic attacks forcing me to quit my job in a less-than ideal way, and just having been in a bad place in general… There definitely were some good points in the month of August that I would rather focus on. 

So in August I was…

Reading…

I actually have yet to finish any of the books that I started in the month of August. I just haven’t been in the right mindset to sit and read. However, towards the end of the month when I was finding myself spending a lot of time on the train back and forth from the city, I’ve been making it a point to bring a book with me!

I have mentioned this book before, and it really is a gem.

 

Yes, another nutrition book revolving around a high-carb and plant-based diet. I have just really been interested in this particular type of diet recently and want to learn as much about it as I can… I also am loving getting proven information from accredited sources instead of all of the extremist types that I am finding on Youtube (not there are no good advocates of this lifestyle on Youtube). I just always love to know the science behind certain claims made in the health and fitness world.

I only started this book the other day… But I feel like it needs to be mentioned! Haruki Murakami is a genius and his writing style is just… I can’t even describe it. I just want to highlight every sentence to read over and over again because he weaves words together so beautifully. 

 

Listening To…

Brand New. Brand New. Brand New.

This concert was seriously one of the greatest experiences of my life. Not only was it the highlight of my month music-wise… But I think it was just the highlight of my month in general.

Also, I got to go with my best friend. So that made it all the more amazing.

 

Eating…

Need I even say it?

Nom.

Seeing…

I have taken in some pretty beautiful sights this month.

Other things…

I dyed my hair green.

 

I embarked on a new life journey at a new school in a new “home.”

 

I have remained consistent with my Youtube channel and have really pushed out of what would typically be my comfort zone.

As someone with a self confidence that is, to say the least, abysmal, putting myself on camera isn’t exactly easy. It’s hard enough when it is just my face on camera… But my latest video was a cookbook, which involves showing my entire self… Body and all. It may not seem like all that big of a deal, but it was seriously one of the most difficult things that I did this month. I’m kind of proud of myself so sucking it up and making myself so through with it.

 

So there you have it; August in a nutshell. 

 

Question(s):

1. What have you been loving this month?

2. When is the last time you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone? What did you do?

Music Makes Me Feel Alive…

Hey!

I have no idea why, but up until about 5 minutes ago, I was thoroughly convinced that today was Monday. I had just had breakfast, was making some green tea, and was going to sit down and write a Mental Health Monday post. Gosh, I felt so on top of things and productive… But apparently it’s Sunday. Whoops. So I have to changing gears a bit! Workout: My knee felt a little bit off today, so I figured it would be best to stick with a low-impact workout. Enter the stair master! I went for one of my go to stair master workouts from Blogilates. As per usual, I adjusted the workout a bit to cater to my needs (I swapped minutes 28-35 with 35-45 and upped the steps per minute by about 10 for everything except for the warm up and cool down). I have to say, I don’t feel like I get the best workout in regards to my heart rate increasing and calorie burning when I do the stair master… I do, however, feel like a flipping beast. I actually remember my first attempt at the stair master. It was a couple of years ago, I had just come off of cross country season and was looking for a good way to cross train. Woman cannot survive on the elliptical alone (actually you can, but I just really wanted to try and be funny… fail), so I decided to hop on the stair master since it seemed like a great way to work my legs. I think I lasted 10 minutes… 15 at most. And this was right after cross country season, so I was definitely in shape. Better shape than I am currently. However, the muscles required for the stair master are obviously different than those used in running. I don’t know, it’s just kind of nice to be able to look back on that while I am doing a stair master workout as a reminder that I really have come far on this fitness journey of mine. Not my best smoothie bowl. I still don’t have acai, so I made it with non-fat greek yogurt and it wound up just making me feel pretty sick. Normally, even though I am lactose intolerant, I can take greek yogurt due to the probiotics in it… Today was obviously not one of those days. So last night was pretty rad.   That photo was actually taken by my friend Cody (he’s pretty much the only friend I ever talk about on this blog… So if I ever say my best friend, I mean Cody) because I am approximately two feet tall and couldn’t see anything. He saw my struggle to get a photo and offered to take a few for me. What an angel that kid is. I’m sure that I have mentioned this before on here, but I live for live music. This summer alone I have seen Fall Out Boy, Paramore, State Champs, Yellowcard, Motionless in White, Mayday Parade, Front Porch Step, Say Anything, The Front Bottoms, Bowling for Soups, and now… Brand New!

(I took this one… I may have had to stand on my tippy-toes to get it.)

If you have never heard of Brand New before, I strongly suggest that you check them out. Some of the songs I would recommend include: “Jesus/Jesus Christ,” “Sic Transit Gloria Fades,” “Guernica,” “Degausser,” “Daisy,”… Ok, I would honestly suggest any and every song by them.

Have you picked up on the fact that they are one of my favorite bands yet?

I get chills just thinking about the fact that I got to see them perform that song (my all time favorite by them) live last night. It’s surreal to me.

I just had a really good night and I am so grateful to have been able to get the tickets (I had to sit at my computer and buy them the second that they went on sale… Brand New tickets always sell out immediately), was able to experience live music that really elicits a special, almost indescribably so, feeling of gratitude and happiness within me, and that I was able to share the experience with my best friend.

I am so thankful for the times that make me feel alive. I know that I have previously addressed that fact that most of the time, I feel as though I am not living but just simply existing… And last night made me feel alive.

I am just really happy.

 

Acai Love and Warped Tour

Hey everyone! Happy Sunday!

My morning started off with me being up at 6:30 and debating whether or not to forgo my planned swim workout in favor of some more (desperately needed) sleep.

Well… After almost a half an hour of trying to make a decision, I ended up at the gym.

My workout looked like this:

Warmup – 150m freestyle

100m breaststroke

100m freestyle pull

Workout – 200m freestyle moderate pace

8x25m sprints IM order (butterfly, backstroke, breaststroke, freestyle)

200m freestyle moderate pace

4×25 freestyle kick sprint

4×25 breaststroke kick sprint

200m freestyle moderate pace

100m breaststroke moderate pace

Cooldown –  100m freestyle

100m breaststroke

100m freestyle pull

Done!

Post shower and workout, I headed over to the grocery store to pick up ingredients for chicken soup (my mom’s really sick, so I figured soup would be a good idea) as well as the fixings for my my recent food obsession.

Hello there beautiful.

Acai bowls are all the rage lately… And I can definitely see why.

In my mix –

Acai Smoothie Pack (I get the Sambazon ones with no added sugar)

Frozen mango

Maca Powder

Stevia

Ice

Fresh Grapfuit Juice

Toppings – Coconut “chips,” fresh strawberries, and cinnamon.

So good. Acai bowls may take the place of my banana ice cream bowls for a while… And that’s saying something, considering how much I love my banana smoothie bowls.

 

Yesterday’s bowl was pretty similar except there was no maca and there were some freeze dried bananas and some blackberries. It was also enjoyed post a painless run!

I remembered to wear my knee brace while running yesterday and it really made a world of a difference!

At 9:30am, I had to leave for Vans Warped Tour, aka, my favorite day of the year. It was a wonderful day filled with great music and amazing friends.

It also happened to be one of the most exhausting days ever, what with it being outside all day with you on your feet with no food and 1 bottle of water from 11am-9pm!

All that exhaustion (and sunburn… ouch) is always so worth it though =)! I’m just worried about working until midnight tonight. I may just fall asleep while packaging oils and cheeses (I work in a restaurant).

SECRETS ! One of my favorite bands and they were absolutely insane live!

 

If you ever have the opportunity to see Bowling For Soup in concert… Do it. I don’t even know much of their music apart from 1985, but they are hilarious and put on such a fun show. This scene occurred during a, “unique Bowling For Soup photo opportunity,” where they stopped in the middle of their set and started posing for pictures.

They also played the Phineas and Ferb theme song.

Oh yes.

Have an amazing day you guys!

 

Frazzled

Hey everyone!

Today was one of those days where you just are so frazzled that you have absolutely no clue what day it is.

First thing’s first, I want to talk about yesterday! I was hardly home so I really couldn’t get a post in, and when I finally was home it was after 3am and I just crashed!

Yesterday, I started my morning off with another swim workout!

I was short on time so this mile swim workout was absolutely perfect! Plus, those kick drills were absolutely killer. When I’m swimming (especially in freestyle), my kicking is always a lot smaller and less powerful than it should be… Meaning my (weak) arms do most of the work which obviously isn’t the way it is supposed to be… I’ll definitely be adding the workout to my usual rotation!

Also, as much as I hate the fact that I can’t run, I love that swimming is strengthening all of the muscles in both my arms and legs that I don’t normally use for running. I’m hoping that by evening out my muscle strengths with cross training will help prevent injury in the future.

That being said, I really really need to heal up and run again.

After my swim, I took a quick shower and headed right over to my chiropractor to finally have my knee checked out. As I expected, I have patellofemoral pain syndrome (runner’s knee)… Which I guess is a good thing because that means that there’s no actual damage in my knee area. She did some ultrasound on it (ultrasound is a miracle worker, I swear) and recommended that I wear a knee brace, especially when I run.

Note to self: go buy that knee brace tomorrow!

Later on in the day, I headed into the city with my friend for a concert! I’ve gone to concerts too weekends in a row and I am definitely not complaining! =)

This picture is super blurry, but the hole-punch marks on my train ticket looked like little bats and it made me a lot happier than it probably should have.

We saw The Front Bottoms and Say Anything, a band that I have loved since 6th grade.

I don’t even know how to formulate words to properly describe just how amazing of a show it was. I love music more than I love most things… In fact, if I could choose one thing to do with my life, it would be music.

The Front Bottoms were absolutely amazing and so much fun.

And Say Anything just completely killed it. I was able to finagle my way all the way up front (where I took quite a few elbows to the head by sweaty men but hey…) and it was just so much fun.

And Max Bemis (their lead singer) is the man.

Also, this made me really happy.

Empire State Building lit up for pride =). So thankful to be able to call New York my city.

Today was just busy and stressful… If I’m honest, I had two really bad panic attacks today and it was all just a mess so I apologize that I don’t have any pictures from today to share and for the fact that I know this post looks like it could have been written by a 3rd grader. I’m just feeling really low and burned out.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I really hope you had a wonderful day =).

Question(s):

What do you do to get yourself through bad days?

 

Weekend Recap

Hey everyone! Sorry for the lack of a post yesterday and for the fact that this post is going to be mostly photos.

Although, for some it may be preferable to just look at pictures instead of reading my usual nonsensical rants… If that’s the case, this is the post for you dear reader!

Anyway, this weekend was a mess of rushing around and trying to get things done that needed to get done but not actually accomplishing any of said things.

Saturday, I woke up and tested the waters with a run before heading out to Bed Bath and Beyond to get a present for my cousin’s engagement party that I had to go to later that day!

I thought I took a picture of the (absolutely amazing) marketplace inside of Bed Bath and Beyond… But apparently I didn’t so here’s a selfie from outside of Bed Bath and Beyond instead because it’s basically the same thing.

I had never been in once of the huge Bed Baths before (the one closest to me is pretty small) so I had never been enlightened to how ABSOLUTELY AMAZING THOSE PLACES ARE! They had a whole international market section that had all of this cool food and drink from all over the world.

I wanted everything, but instead I just left with the engagement present, a bottle of Speculoos flavored syrup, and some tea. I’m exciting.

I didn’t actually take any pictures at the engagement party (I know I promised you a picture of the finished product of those oreo things that I showed you on Saturday) because I wound up only being able to stay for an hour before I had to leave for a concert!

I actually wound up going to see Paramore and Fall Out Boy at the Monument Tour with my best friend! I didn’t know I was going until the day of… Cody just happened to have an extra ticket and needed someone to go with him so obviously I had to take one for the team.

I don’t think I have listened to a Paramore song since their Riot album back in 7th(?) grade. They were a lot better than I expected and played quite a few songs off of Riot so I got to sing along!

Finally, after Paramore’s set ended, Fall Out Boy came on and completely killed it! I have seen FOB 3 times in the past year and they never fail to impress me.

Also, Patrick Stump (the lead singer) has the most angelic voice on the planet… I’m not fully convinced that he is in fact a human. Cody and I have a theory that he may be a robot… A person can’t just be that adorable and talented and humble all at once.

Today was another day of running around and not getting anything that I needed to be done done.

Although, I did (possibly) finish registering for the classes I will be taking this fall! Progress!

Question(s):

What was the last concert you went to?

Best thing you did this weekend?

 

I’m Learning So Much…

Hey guys. Today’s post is going to be a heavy(isn) one.

I’ve been going back and forth for a while about full-on addressing this in a blog post for a while now, it’s really not a big deal… But it’s something that I am afraid that it will lead my blog to a path that I don’t want it to go on. At the same time, I want this blog to be an outlet. Do I want to have readers? Of course! I don’t know a single “blogger” that doesn’t want tons of people reading their blogs, regardless of what they may claim. I mean, we are posting our lives on the internet for a reason, right?

There is, however, a fine line between sharing and over-sharing. As a blogger with no real “mold” that I fit into (I would say I’m mostly a healthy living blogger… But I don’t know if I even qualify for that title haha), I want to be able to talk about my life and my thoughts and hopefully have people out there read what I write and relate to what I am going through. However, it’s tough to share your life on the internet… There is a part of me that wants to spill my entire life story and every single morbid/happy/random/hopeful/pessimistic thought that pops into my mind… But something tells me that that would not make for the most enjoyable blog to read, nor would it make Snapbacksnandracingflats the positive and uplifting place that I want it to be.

Yet, I know that by holding things back, I am keeping this blog from being anything more than a place for me to say what I ate and how much I ran that day… To me, that’s not what blogging is about.

So here it goes, I know that I have referenced to this fact before… But I have never (at least, not in any posts that are still live) said this flat out on here.

I have an eating disorder… Or I am in recovery from an eating disorder, and I have been for the past 3 years.

When I first started this blog, it was completely as a, “spill your guts,” outlet. I had recently gotten out of the hospital after being admitted for my low weight and heart rate, I had also just lost my father… So my life was kinda-sorta a mess.

So that’s when Snapbacks and Racing Flats was born, although, back then it was called Erin Learns to Live.

The problem with prefacing a blog with the fact that you are in recovery from an eating disorder is that, once you release that information into the world, it a) stays with you, b) drives people/readers away and c) makes it feel like the focus of your blog has to be your recovery. 

So, about a year into blogging, I went back and deleted all of my posts and restarted.

Then I did it again a year later.

Right now, at almost a year since the blog that is now Snapbacks and Racing Flats (can I call it SandR for short?), it is the longest that I have gone blogging without deleting the whole thing.

And I am really enjoying writing this thing…  But there is something missing.

I struggle… A lot. And while I don’t plan on, nor do I want to posting about all of my unhealthy thoughts and how depressed and miserable I am every day, this illness is a part of me, and I use up a large majority of my life-force each and every day trying to fight the incessant horrible voice in my head that is telling me that I am not good enough. The one that is telling me to skip a meal. The one that is telling me that a 3 mile run isn’t enough of a workout and that I need to do much more.

I’ve been fighting this monster inside my brain for a long time… Almost 10 years now (my official diagnosis was almost 4 years ago, but I was ill long before that), and I have come so far. I don’t want this blog to become an annoying teenager with a disorder that whines about how hard things are and makes people feel uneasy.

I want this to be a place of positivity, health, and most importantly, hope. I want to be able to show people that you can over come a heck of a lot of (pardon my french) shit that life throws at you. You can do anything, That you set your mind to. You exist for a reason, and I want to make sure that no one every forgets that. I am not the most religious person on the planet, I will admit to that… But I truly, 100% believe that everyone is born with a mission. There is not a single person on this planet that doesn’t have a purpose, although it is so easy to sometimes think the opposite. These thoughts are poison.

I’ll never be successful.

I’m such a failure.

I’m not good enough… Not attractive/thin/smart/rich/athletic/talented enough.

I am unimportant.

No.

I really don’t know how this post that was supposed to be just a brief overview of what is really my story (my eating disorder is actually how I found healthy living blogs, which helped so much in my recovery! It is also how I found a love for running.) turned into one of the most wordy posts I have ever done…

But truly, I really hope that this whole thing makes sense and is not just a jumble of words…Because that is honestly what it feels like. I feel like my brain is just going and my hands are just typing… I’m not really thinking much about what I am writing. So I’m sorry.

I just… I wanted this fact, my diagnosis, to be known. Not because it is my identity… If I have learned anything in these past 3 years is that I am SO MUCH MORE than my diagnosis (and so are you!), but to disclose to you, my reader friends, some information that I think is important in doing what I am doing here, sharing my life. And my recovery from this disease that has grasped me so tightly for such a long time is a huge part of my life. I feel that by releasing this little secret about me (although this is scary as hell), will make blogging a little bit easier. I feel as though I can put more of myself into what I am writing, and I hope that this will help this blog grow… Because I really do love this thing. And even though I know that there are maybe two people that read this thing, I couldn’t be happier. I hope that those two people reading this take something away from my blog. I hope that they know that they are more than enough and that they are special and worth it. I hope they know that they are strong and beautiful.

I hope they know that I am thankful for them.

 

 

Friday Favorites #2

Hey all! I hope that you are all having a nice week. It’s Friday!

I find it kind of funny how even when you are on break from school or work, there is still a sense of excitement that surrounds the weekend. Even though I don’t have school all week, I still look forward to relaxing on the weekends. I guess it’s just the mentality that surrounds Friday and the weekend that makes them so exciting!

Anyway, I thought that for once I would actually continue on with a series that I started doing on my blog (remember Music Monday and Style Saturday? Yeah, those didn’t live long), and would share my Friday favorites with you!

So here are some things that I have been loving this past week…

1. Smoothie Bowls. I know, I’m sure you’re shocked that these babies showed up on this list.

Today’s creation of banana, spinach, cocoa powder, cinnamon, ice, stevia, and freeze dried fruit on top.

 

1. Listening to Lights (Bassnectar Remix) radio while running. I’m not really a Dubstep fan (punk rock, alternative, and metal are more of my thing)… But there is truly no better way to pump up during a run than to listen to this stuff! Dead Mau5 radio is really good too!

3. The weather of a New York spring. There is nothing better… Plus, the mid 60s-70s are the best temperatures to run in in my opinion!

4. Running. I am FINALLY getting my running mojo back! I truly believe that it has everything to do with the fact that I am finally out of the toxic environment that I was in at school! Bad vibes = bad runs.

6 miles to start my day.

 

5. Being with my family and friends. This has to be the thing out of these 5 that I have been loving the most this past week.  I am so over the moon about being home and being close to my family and friends. I have such a tight knit family, both immediate and extended. Being away from them just felt foreign and wrong. I never want to live half way across the country from my family again. 

 

Questions:

What have you been loving this week?

Right Back At It

Hey everyone!

I’m back at school after a very hellish few days (about every bad thing that could possibly happen at the airport happened and I wound up not being able to get on my plane. Then, the next day, I had to go back to the airport again for a different flight and the plane was delayed once we were on it by 4 hours… It was a mess.)

As unhappy I am about being back here, and trust me, I am. I am back and at ti with a new attitude… or at least I am trying to have one. It’s hard, I am taking classes in a major that am no longer pursuing, and they are super hard classes too. It’s hard to stay motivated in classes that have absolutely nothing to do with my future… but I digress. I want to better myself in every way possible (heh.. this seems to be a re-occuring theme on my blog these days), and I will. I know I will.

I just need to get through the rest of this semester.

This is hard too, this idea of, “just getting though it.” This is the advice that I keep receiving from people, “Erin, you only have two more months. It will fly by.”

But I don’t want it to fly by. The idea of time, and the speed at which it seems to fly by… That has to be one of my biggest fears. It scares me. I don’t want time to be something that I wish away; I have never been one to wish it away. I have never wanted to be older, to grow up. I didn’t want to… Still don’t. Yet, I had to grow up pretty quickly due to to the happenings of life. And this is ok, but I won’t… no… can’t let go of my childhood dreams. I need to make something of myself. I need to make myself matter. To be someone that means something.

So my “plan” that I had for my life seems to have veered off in another direction. But that’s ok.

So yes, I will just try to, “get through the rest of the semester.” But at the same time, I won’t just go through the motions. I am going to read books, draw, write. I am going to focus on rediscovering myself and learning about who I am and trying to learn to accept the body that houses the person that I call myself.

And of course, a large part of this self discovery involves running.

Admittedly, I have gotten into a bit of rut lately when it comes to running and working out in general. I haven’t been loving it the way I normally do. I have been compulsive. Hours of exercise. No easy days. I have been unfair to my body and to myself.

All of us fall into ruts somethings, where we are just not feeling our workouts the way that we normally do. Not experiencing the joy that exercise normally gives. But why? Having a body that supports me running mile after mile? That is such a gift. It is something to be seen as a reward, not a punishment for the calories that I consume.

 

 

Life is beautiful. It is a gift.

 

Here’s to trying again to live the life that I want. And I am to fail… well… I’ll get right back at it again (total A Day to Remember reference here!)

Biokinetics and Music Monday #1

Hey there! I have another new segment that I want to start doing on this blog to make it a little more, well, “me.” Music is another one of those things that I am extremely passionate about, perhaps more so than anything else that I mention on this blog. Unfortunately, I am not talented enough to pursue it professionally (fun fact: my ultimate dream would be to be the lead singer of a post-hardcore band), but I still love it more than anything, and I would love to share that love with you guys!

This segment is less of a full-on post, it’s more of just a little list of the music I’m currently loving that will go along with my normal post every Monday. I think that the music that a person loves really says a lot about them, especially if they are super passionate about their particular favorite genre of music.

But first I want to tell you guys about my class this morning!

Every Monday and Wednesday, at 8:30am, I have a class called Biokinetics and Conditioning. I’m pretty sure that I have spoken about this class here before, but just to review, it’s a class about how the body moves (biokinetics) as well as putting what we learn into action through workouts (the conditioning). Today was a workout day!

Today’s workout focused on muscular endurance as well as flexibility. It looked a little something like this…

 

The workouts that we do in biokinetics are tough, but not obscenely so. I think that they would be great for people who are just getting into working out! The whole thing probably spanned around 30 minutes (if I were to guess… I didn’t time it).

For the flexibility portion, we did partner stretching.. thank God my friend, Maya, is in that class with me… If I had to pair up with a stranger it would have been a tad awkward.

1. Hamstring stretch – lying on your back with one leg flat on the floor(!), lift the other leg straight up in the air with your partner holding your heel. Push against your partners with your foot while they push back, push for 5 seconds, release, and have your partner deepen the stretch by moving your leg slightly back, push again for 5 seconds, repeat the deepening the stretch and pushing process 4 times. Switch legs.

2. Quadricep stretch – get in a runner’s lunge position with your back heel in your partner’s hand, they will lift it off the ground towards your backside. Do the pushing-relaxing-deepening the stretch process from the first stretch with your heel this time, trying to get it as close to your bum as possible. Repeat 4 times and switch legs.

3. Shoulder stretch – sitting on your bum, lift your arms in a “goal-post” like way. Your partner will put his/her hands on the front of  your biceps and pull back. Hold for 30 seconds.

We finished the stretching off with some basic calf and tricep stretches.

So now, on to the music that I have been loving this week!

1. Brand New (Band)

Brand New is one of those bands that I have loved for a while now, but that I sometimes forget just how amazing they are. This past week I have been listening to these two albums, The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me and Daisy, non-stop. They are just so haunting and … I can’t even explain it. The song that I have listened to the most would definitely be Degausser (from the first album). So. Good.

1. Chiodos’ (band) two new singles!

Again, I have loved this band for forever… probably since 7th grade. Their lead singer Craig Owens is one of my favorite people on the planet and i had the opportunity to see them perform live at Warped Tour last year.

  crummy photo I took there.

They are coming out with a new album (the first one since Craig re-joined Chiodos last year) in March and they currently have 2 singles from it titled “‘Ol Fishlips is Dead Now,” and “Why The Munsters Matter,” They are both amazing and I can’t even begin to describe how excited for this album I am.

 

And now I am off to go study for this MASSIVE anatomy test that I have tomorrow… Prayers for my passing this exam would be greatly appreciated. It’s on the entire muscular and skeletal systems… a lot of information. Oh boy…

Bye!