Jam Packed

I’ve been so busy with school work, but at the same time, a lot has happened. So, I’m going to try to jam as many things into this post as possible without making this too long.

My classes have been going well so far, I am taking a lot of health and fitness oriented class (biokinetics and intro to exercise science and sports studies) as well as a writing class and then *queue dramatic music* … anatomy. Yeah, I have only had 3 anatomy classes and I am already completely lost. My teacher moves so fast and right now we’re doing chemistry stuff like glycolysis and mitosis… Pray for my guys!

Last weekend, I did something way out of my comfort zone… I went out on a Friday night…

Ok, so I know that apparently every single college student on the planet goes out every single weekend (at least at my school that is the case) but it really isn’t my thing. I don’t drink, I have no interest in it. Being around a lot of people really freaks me out, and pathetically enough, I’m just too upset with my appearance to put myself out there in a club setting. Not to mention that the idea of being out until 3 in the morning kind of sounds like my worst nightmare…

Wow… am I 18 or 180?

Anyway, last Friday, I finally got myself to go out with my new roommates and two of my friends and we headed on out to a club that I had actually been wanting to go to for a while, The Dallas Bull !

(excuse the poor quality picture… even though all of my pictures on this blog are low quality… whoops…)

The Dallas Bull is what it looks like, a country club. There is no house music playing, nor is the a multitude of half-naked young adults bumping and grinding on you dance floor. There were people our age, and there were people who had at least 30 years on my friends and me. People at the Dallas Bull line dancing, something that, being from New York, was completely foreign to me.

Basically, what we had to do was wait for a song with a simple-ish looking dance and try to follow along. I had so much fun just dancing and making a fool of myself with my friends and I am so happy that I forced myself to go out of my comfort zone and try something new.

The next day (Saturday) was this crazy festival known as Gasparilla.

In a nutshell, “pirates,” invade the city and all the college kids start drinking at 10am and try to get as obliterated as physically possible whilst collecting beads.

Once again, not my thing. I think that I could have had a lot of fun at Gasparilla. People dressed as pirates? A parade? An entire city closed down for one festival? That’s pretty cool!

Instead, my friend and I went to Sea World… she has a season pass and they were doing a promotion where she could bring a guest for free… I am not one to turn down free things.

Hashtag broke college student life.

And now for an excessive amount of Sea World pictures…

 

 

It has only been a week and a half, but this semester is already 10 million times busier than last semester was. On my very first of of class, I was assigned a 5 page paper in my exercise science and sports studies class. I worked all week on the paper, then realized that I did it wrong… So I had to start all over. ‘Twas not fun. But I have to say, with the exception of anatomy, I am really enjoying my classes so far. I really do love health and fitness and knowing how the body works and I would love to help people find a passion for fitness and I would love to help people feel good about themselves and to learn to love themselves. Unfortunately, with the whole transferring colleges thing, the likelihood that I will be changing majors is very high.

I know I say this in almost every post… but I have no idea what I am doing with my life. I have big dreams, huge goals, and very unconventional ones at that. I wish more than anything that I could live more than one life, I have so many different things that I am passionate about and I hate having to choose.

I think that is one of the things that I really do love about blogging (Umm.. Erin? If you loved blogging so much, wouldn’t you do it every day instead of going days at a time without posting? Shut up inner voice. I have been busy.), it allows you to express all of your interests, I can decorate my blog to fit my personality, I can post about health and fitness and what I am learning about those topics here at school, but I can also be creative and post about other things that I am interested in. Wow, I am getting excited about this whole blogging thing now.

I want to create, that is all I want to do. I want to touch people’s hearts and make them feel something. I love music, I love writing, I love fitness. What do all of those things have in common? They have the ability to illicit real emotion within people… and that is all that I have ever known for certain that I want to do with my life.

Ugh, I’m sorry that my posts always just randomly and suddenly get super deep and serious.

Questions

What are you passionate about in life? Whether it been a certain career or just a hobby.

What do you want to be when you grow up (this can be answered no matter how old you are… you’re never too old to dream!).

Back to Florida

Well… I’m back in the Sunshine State (is that supposed to be capitalized?) for semester two of college.

I don’t even know how to explain how absolutely freaked I was about going back. I know that I mentioned it a couple of times on here, but my roommate situation last semester was REALLY bad. I really want to talk about it on this blog, but at the same time, I don’t want to because of the (minuscule) chance that they may see this blog… I’ll probably wait until the end of the year when I transfer.

Anyway, I’m in a new room this semester… that just so happens to be the room right next door to my old room. Awkward. But so far it has been ok. The girls seem really nice and I definitely feel more comfortable in here. I’m just terrified that somehow they will end up not liking me since I don’t really go out to clubs or party or anything… But I think I’m probably just being paranoid!

Oh wait! Did I mention that I finished Insanity the day before I left? No. I didn’t! A review of the entire workout program and my thoughts on it will be on this blog soon! So get excited for that ok? =P

Getting on the plane yesterday was probably one of the harder things that I have had to do in my life (ok I’m exaggerating… but it was really hard), I don’t even know how to put into words how much I didn’t want to come back to school. Over break, I really realized how I have more bad memories from this place than good ones. Plus, it’s an expensive day and right now I am pretty much burying myself in student debt just to make myself miserable.

The process of transferring schools is stressful. Really stressful. I also just obsess over absolutely everything. How will I get my stuff back to New York? Will I hate my next school too? Will my roommate be nice? Will I even get in? I probably won’t get in. If I’m not in Florida, how will I spend the week of Easter in Florida with my mom, brother, and grandparents like I have every year?

I am freaking out about every little thing and I know that it isn’t healthy…

So I am trying to set some healthy goals for this semester to help me. I am also trying to focus on the positives.

One of my objectives for this semester is to eat healthy, and to actually use my meal plan. Last semester I would only really use about 5-7 meals a week and would just eat things like pretzels with peanut butter for lunch. It wasn’t good for my healthy… or for my wallet. I can’t afford to be buying groceries every week. And I need to keep eating veggies to keep my mind and body healthy!

I forgot to snap a picture of my lunch from yesterday until halfway through… sorry!

Chicken (I couldn’t eat most of it… gotta love when your chicken is neon pink), steamed broccoli, and some baby spinach with tomatoes, beets, and balsamic. I also had a slice of pita bread because… carbs.

Today my lunch looked like this

Unfortunately, the only places on campus that seem to have real chicken only serve salads with iceburg lettuce. Yummy, but not exactly the most nutritious thing. Chicken, carrots, cucumber, and tomatoes with balsamic. About 3/4 of a piece of bread was eaten with this. I seriously need carbohydrates in my life… really. Gluten definitely doesn’t agree with me though, I’m not feeling that well now.

Right before lunch, I headed back to visit my old friend bayshore boulevard for an easy 3 miler.

I’m wearing these capris from lululemon  that my big got me and can I just say that they are the most comfortable thing ever? PLUS THEY HAVE POCKETS ON BOTH LEGS!! I put my ID in one pocket and my keys in the other and it was just a wonderful experience.

Later, I headed over to the gym to do Tone It Up‘s new kettle bell workout from the Love Your Body series.

 

So fun! Since I didn’t have access to a kettle bell, I used a 12 pound dumbbell. Next time I do this workout I will probably do 2 rounds of it as opposed to one. It’s just hard to coordinate when the workout room at the gym will be free (it closes up for fitness classes so I need to plan my strength workouts accordingly).

Now, I’m just procrastinating on writing my exercise science paper and waiting to go get dinner.

Until tomorrow!

Weekend in Recap

Hey everyone!

I had a really good weekend… one of the best ones that I have had in a while really. Yes, I know that it is Tuesday so it’s kind of weird to be doing a post about the weekend… But I’m going to pretend that Monday was part of the weekend!

My mom went away for the weekend (she went up to a spa with her friends to celebrate her birthday and also her friend’s 5 year anniversary of being cancer free) so my brother and I went to stay with my grandparents. I guess it’s kind of weird that I am a college student yet I still need to stay with someone when my mom goes away, but staying with my grandparents is one of my favorite things! It was my second weekend in a row staying with them and it was just oh so wonderful.

This is what typical mornings look like at my grandparents’ house! Egg whites, coffee, and a good book. I am currently reading Wasted by Marya Hornbacher, a book I have wanted to read for years. It is a memoir about her life living with anorexia and bulemia. So far I am absolutely loving it, it shows a different side of eating disorders besides the falsities that are often portrayed in the media and society in general. I need to make more time to read when I get back to school. I love it so much.

Another wonderful thing about staying with my grandparents is that I get to sleep in my mother’s old bedroom. It still has a couple of her things, including a teddy bear that my dad gave to her.

I love cuddling up with this thing when I sleep. I always seem to sleep better (and actually sleep through the night) when I am at my grandparents’ house. I don’t really know what it is, my anxiety just doesn’t seem to be as bad there. It’s like the house is surrounded by a little bubble of safeness.

On Saturday, I went to a concert! Quick fact about me, music is probably what I love most on this planet (besides my family of course). Even above running, I have never felt the same love and passion for anything that I feel with music. My best friend and I traveled into the city to see the Glamor Kills Holiday Show at The Studio at Webster Hall. Now let me just say that there really is nothing like New York City at night, it was about a 25 minute walk from Penn Station to the concert venue and it was just so pretty!

(The opening bands were a little bit different because the date had to be changed due to weather. Misser and Elder Brothers weren’t there)

I had never been to this venue before and it definitely was not what I expected. It was basically a teeny tiny basement! We were all jam packed together, yet it was also kind of awesome because we were so close to the stage. I actually wound up right up at the stage for Hit The Lights (GO CHECK THEM OUT! THEY ROCK!) and I got to jump up and down and sing and got to help hold up the lead singer when he crowd surfed. They played a whole record from start to finish and just oh my goodness it was such a great night. I also really love State Champs, and they were also so good.

Oh, and at the very end of the concert I caught one of the drummer’s drum sticks… One of the highlights of my life night I must say. My friend and I had an absolutely amazing time and we left the concert dehydrated, drenched in sweat, exhausted, and as happy as physically possible.

We headed back to Penn station at a little after midnight and were completely mesmerized by the unique world that is NYC on a Saturday night… I swear, it will never get old to me.

It was also super foggy so the buildings looked super spooky and cool!

Yesterday, I got to wish a happy birthday to the most amazing woman in the world.

My mom.

She is honestly just the strongest, and most amazing person that I know. She deals with me and my problems, I know that that isn’t easy. She single handedly takes care of my family. She is so funny and kind and empathetic and I know that I am going to be one of those people that grows up and pretty much becomes their mother… And honestly, I think that growing up to be life her would be one of the greatest gifts that could be given to me. I am so thankful that she is my mom.

For her birthday, we went out to eat up the block from us with my brother and my grandparents.

I had a roasted beet salad with candied walnuts and shrimp.

It was pretty good, I didn’t love how the shrimp were cooked though.

We then went home and invited my cousin, her husband, and their baby over for cake.

I made my mom a chocolate layer cake with raspberry filling and chocolate ganache frosting (recipe here), and let me just tell you that my blood, sweat, and tears went into the making of this cake.  Seriously, everything that could possibly go wrong with this cake went wrong. It completely fell apart, I burned the ganache on the first try… Oh boy was it a mess… But somehow I managed to mush it together into something that looked mildly presentable!!

Plus, the taste got rave reviews and a “TANKEW ENN(my name in baby talk)!” from my 1 1/2 year old cousin… So I guess that makes it a winner.

I hope you all had a terrific Tuesday!

Goodnight!

Sports Training and I Can’t Feel My Arms

Hey everyone! I was originally going to type this post super late last night (as I always seem to do), but instead, I thought that it would be better to just type it this morning and get myself into the habit of blogging in the morning. This way, I will be able to spend more time on my posts and have them actually make sense haha.

The first thing that I want to talk about it yesterday’s workout. I’m pretty sure that I mentioned that I have been somewhat losing motivation as far as Asylum goes.  I’m just so ready for it to be over. As much as I enjoy having a set workout routine planned out, it’s starting to get a bit stale. I miss running and speed work and I also really miss my gym. I’m only going to be home for a little over a week (just typing that makes me want to cry) which means that I am not going to be able to go back to my gym here at home until Spring break. I even considered not doing my Insanity workout yesterday in favor of some speed work…. But honestly, I know that I will never forgive myself if I quit. So, I continue on.

Yesterday was Game Day, I’m pretty sure that this is my favorite workout in the series.

 

This workout consists of multiple, sport centered circuits. These sports include track, wrestling, basketball, speed skating, tennis, swimming, surfing, football, baseball, and rock-climbing. For me, this is the most enjoyable workout in the series. At a little over an hour, it is also the longest.

It’s definitely not the hardest workout (vertical plyo makes me want to cry), but there are some exercises that I can hardly get through one rep of… Obviously, these are mostly the upper-body centered exercises. I posted an example of some of these ridiculous exercises on my instagram here. These moves are from the rock climbing portion of the workout, which in my opinion is the hardest. I also really struggle with wrestling, speed skating, and football. My favorite parts are tennis and surfing.

After Game Day… I had to do Overtime. Overtime is a supplemental workout that you are supposed to do when you feel like you can keep going after your workouts (psssh as if). It is 13 minutes of explosive movements (think lunge to tuck jumps) that is done with Shaun T and two military guys. I thought I was going to die.

Today is Vertical Plyo, I really don’t like this workout and last time I am not happy with how I did with it. Hopefully, today will be better as long as I go into it with a better attitude. I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN. Plus, after today, I only need to do this workout one more time!!

Yesterday, I also tried really hard to challenge myself to eat 5 small meals like I am supposed to.

A sub-par attempt at overnight oats.

The best mint chocolate chip shake ever.

1 scoop chocolate protein powder

1/2 cup soy milk

1 cup water

1 1/2 cup ice cubes

2 packets of stevia

Some carob chips that were thrown in in the end

Oh my goodness, so good!

Green juice with carrots, beet, kale, spinach, ginger, lemon juice, and aloe vera.

 

Spiralized squash with zucchini, peppers, mushroom, chicken, sprouts, and tomato sauce.

Before my workout, I also had some rice crackers and celery with a small amount of sunflower seed butter and then picked at nuts throughout the day.

To be completely honest, I had to force myself to eat my dinner. I felt so uncomfortable and large and like I gained another 5 pounds just from the day (yes I know that this isn’t possible). I know that the reason that my metabolism is so slow is because I typically don’t eat as much as I should, although I always feel like I eat too much, and that I need to eat more to fix it… It’s just so hard.

But I am going to keep trying! Today is a new day!

 

Have a wonderful Thursday =).

Squash on Squash on Squash…

I promise that the title of this blog post will eventually somewhat make sense!

There past two days have been so hectic (I feel like I describe 99% of my days as hectic… what am I going to do once I actually have a job?), I feel like I haven’t had a moment to think. Actually, not thinking for a while is probably a good thing for me. Not thinking means not being able to stress about absolutely everything in my life! Woohoo!

So, yesterday I went into the city to do some shopping (window shopping mostly).

 

Can we just talk about how rad this picture is? I’m so proud of it… Plus, it got like 35 likes on instagram and it’s actually pathetic how happy that made me. Haha!

We just shopped around for a little while in Times Square, spending most of the time in Forever 21. Have you ever been in the Forever 21 in NYC? It’s flipping massive! It literally took us an hour and a half just to get through the entire store! We also each only wound up buying like 2 things…

Next, we went into the Disney store because I have been trying to get a Sven (the reindeer from Frozen) plushie for over a month now! I am literally OBSESSED with Frozen. I have seen it 3 times, and I have been looking to see it a third time… I may or may not be mildly addicted to the movie Frozen… whoops.

Today was another mess of a day. This morning I got my brother up for school (you have no idea what a struggle this task is) and took him to school, then tried to get some more sleep since I haven’t gotten more than 5 hours of sleep a night in over a week. I slept for like a half an hour and then all of this stuff happened and I didn’t wind up officially starting my day (i.e. eating breakfast) until almost noon. Grr, I hate when I start my days late, I feel like I wasted a day. I actually can’t sleep past 9, or 10 being the latest, because I hate hate hate feeling like I wasted a day.

Today, since I now have a working phone, I was finally able to access my instagram again! Which means that I can officially check in for the Love Your Body Challenge! If you don’t know what the Love Your Body Challenge is, it is a yearly (this being the second year) challenge by the girls at Tone It Up that takes place between New Years and Valentine’s Day. I’ll link the info here. Y’all should definitely take part in the challenge! Karena and Katrina are my role models and it’s a lot of fun!

Here’s a little picture of my check in to sum up my day –

My food, like always, was all over the place today. Breakfast, weirdly enough, was veggies with Oikos greek yogurt dip and 1/4 cup of 0% cottage cheese with a drizzle of maple syrup and cinnamon. I picked at things like rice crackers with sunflower seed butter and nuts and kale chips all day… and then made an awesome dinner!

For dinner, (the ugly looking food pictured in the bottom right of the picture above) I had spiralized squash “noodles” with some zucchini (which is also a squash), spinach, chicken, and tomato sauce. So much squash! See? Told you the title would eventually make sense! I topped the whole thing with nooch and it was SO yummy!

As far as my workouts, today was a rest day from the Asylum, so I headed to the gym and did an easy thirty minutes with a 5 minute walking cool down and covered 3.62 miles. Later, I did the new total body workout that Tone I t Up posted. I originally wasn’t going to do it, since my body is so tired from Insanity, but I felt so gross and I was excited for a new workout. It was a great workout! I loved it and will definitely feel it tomorrow… which kinda worries me given that tomorrow’s Insanity workout is… well… Insanity…

On that note, I guess it is time for bed. I have to get my brother up for school again tomorrow. Wish me luck!

When you fall… you gotta get back up

Hey everyone.

So, just a little update on the status of my ankle … because I know that you are all just positively losing sleep over not knowing whether or not my ankle is still swollen to the size of a softball..

Well, it’s a little bit better! The swelling has finally completely gone away, and though it is still bruised, it is not nearly as bad as it was last week! It still hurts, especially if I accidentally turn it a certain way. But for the most part it is doing much better and I even started Insanity back up! I hate that I was set back so many days and I am just in general really mad at myself, which I know is ridiculous but I just can’t help it…. grr. I have to work on this whole negative self talk thing that I constantly do. I think that one of my New Years Resolutions should be to try to lessen how often I talk down to myself. In fact, everyone should have this resolution. You are your own worst enemy after all. I can’t tell you how many times I have told myself that I am too, “fat”, “pathetic,” or, “weak,” to complete a task or workout. I think that most people do this, and it’s not healthy. Your mind can convince your body that it isn’t strong, enough, even when it is. In the same way, you can mentally tell yourself that you are adequate, strong, and good enough… that is how you succeed in life. That is what I one day want to be able to do. To be able to talk myself up instead of down.

Now, that tangent I just went off on actually does actually relate to how my workout went today… but first I want to show you a picture of my oatmeal from this morning because: A) I haven’t had oatmeal in FOREVER, and B) I think I made my oatmeal look super cute (yes I just referred to my food as cute) and I need to share it with SOMEONE because when I tried to show it to my mom she didn’t seem all that excited about it.

May I present to you… Smiley Face Oatmeal Man! He is brown because of cocoa powder by the way.. My mom seemed very concerned by the fact that my oatmeal was dark brown.

Now, onto my workout. This week, the Asylum schedule this week is SUPER terrifying.All of the hardest workouts are lined up back to back and I think I may just die.

Today was Vertical Plyo, this workout has to be the hardest workout in the the entire series, it’s not even hard in a fun way.. It’s just HARD. My legs were already dead from Speed and Agility yesterday and my workout from the day before, so needless to say, I was kinda-sorta terrified for this workout.

That leads me to the whole, talking yourself down and hindering your abilities thing. I know that I can make it through this workout, I have before. Did have to stop a million time stop catch my breath? Yes. But I got through it.

Today, I completely freaked out during the workout. I started saying to myself over and over again how I am too fat and not in shape to do this workout and I ultimately wound up pausing the video for a full 5 minutes while I calmed down. I convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough and it ruined what could have been an amazing workout. 

This is why I need to try really hard to change my thought patterns. I know that it won’t be easy, but I need to keep trying.

And now to finish off this almost unintelligible post… here is a pretty (?) picture of my dinner!

 

Ok maybe it’s not that pretty… Salmon with a side of kale, spinach and mushroom steamed with balsamic and soy sauce.

Tomorrow I am headed back into NYC, with my cousin this time, to do some shopping. Woohoo!

Twenty Thirteen

Wow, this year has really been a series of ups and downs. So much has changed so quickly, but at the same time it hasn’t. Things started getting really rough back in 2010, and things have seemed to keep going down hill since than. However, I want to make this new year different.

Yes, many things that happen in life are out of my control. But at the same time, when things get tough, I am one to just take it. I live my life as a punching bag, I always have. I know that I am a stronger person then I portray myself as being. I fear conflict, with other people, and with life in general. I let people walk all over me because I fear being hated. Why? It’s childish and silly.

Every year, I, like so many others, go into the new year with the phrase, “20** … Be good to me.” Now here is a thought, why would life just suddenly get better without putting in the effort? Really, life is going to be hard, maybe even suck, 90% of the time. But it is the way that we react to what life throws at us that molds our happiness. Things are going to happen, we can either choose to play the victim and complain about how unfair life is, or we can choose to try to see the light in the situation.

Trust me, I know as well as anyone that it is not that easy. One of the worst things that people seem to always say to me, and to other people with struggles similar to mine, is to just, “Choose to be happy.” Well thanks! Wow! I never thought of that before.

It’s not as easy as just choosing to be happy. Depression, eating disorders, OCD, anxiety, bipolar, everything bad that happens in life… no one chooses it. But at the same time, the people who break out of the darkness are the people that choose to fight the dark monsters within them.

In my junior year of high school, in religion class we read, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” by Viktor Frankl. If you haven’t read this book, you should. The story is an autobiographical piece, half of it taking place during Frank’s time in a concentration camp during WWII. One line in the book that really stuck with me was that when all freedom is taken from you, the one freedom that you will always have is the power to choose your attitude. In the camp, there were two types of people. There were those who just gave up, choosing to lay in bed all day until death came to take them. Then there were those who chose to fight. Even in the camp, a place so horrible that it’s hard to even imagine, they were able to find small glimpses of happiness. While working outside, the took in the beauty of nature, when they could, they found happiness through song, religion, anything. These were the people that made it out of the camp alive. These people chose to look for small glimpses of beauty in what seemed like nothing but ugliness.

I aspire to be like these people.

I want to help myself, to truly help myself. These bad feelings that I have… the depression, the eating disorder, the anxiety, they have been with me for so long that they have begun to feel like my identity. I have been too afraid to let them go. Who will I be without them? Normal? Happy? No. That must be impossible for me… Right?

But, when I really think about it… I believe that everybody deserves to be happy. Every single person but me deserves happiness. Now, that really doesn’t make sense now does it? 

Change is scary. It’s uncomfortable. Refusing help is assuring that I stay miserable. But, even miserable, at least I am still in my comfort zone. What happens when I one day escape these monsters in my brain that are holding me back from reaching a better place? It’s a scary thought.

And that brings me to my New Years resolution. I was to take risks. I want to do things that scare me.

Now, when I first told my mom this, I think I scared her a little. By saying I want to take risks, I am not saying that I want to jump out of airplanes. I want to take risks in things that matter. I want to try to get out of this comfort zone that I hide myself in because I am too scared of making myself uncomfortable.
 

I might be switching schools.

I might be changing majors.

Changing majors to something that I am passionate about something that I have always loved, but pushed to the side because it’s not a secure thing to pursue.

I want to do things that make me happy.

I want to do things that make me feel fulfilled.

I don’t want to be one of those people who blink and suddenly they are 40 and working a job that they hate. I don’t want to regret things. I want to find something, somewhere, that finally makes me happy.

And that is my new year’s tangent.

Happy New Years everyone. I wish you nothing  but happiness in this year to come. But remember, to find happiness, you need to try.

I believe in all of you. Let’s make 2014 a great year.