Thinking Out Loud 10.9.2014 – Getting Deep Up In Here

Hey guys.

It’s, “Erin rambles on about the jumbled mess that are her thoughts,” day… Or, to put it in a better way, “Thinking Out Loud Thursday.”

Thanks Amanda for creating this link-up and actually giving me the mental strength to sit and type a post (wow, that was melodramatic).

Workout – 45 minutes of intervals on the elliptical.

1. Yup. As I briefly mentioned in my Monday post…. I’m still/yet again injured. I has been almost 2 weeks since my last “run” (ok, actually I ran 4 miles on Saturday because I thought I was healed, but I was wrong and am paying for it.

I strained a muscle in my lateral leg. The pain is most severe in my outer ankle area (hurts to the touch), but it pulls from my arch all the way up through my gluteal area. Not fun.

I just feel as though I am always injured, and yes, I am aware that I am to blame for this in a number of ways… But this just could not have come at a worse time.

Over the course of the last month or so, I have just been spiraling further and further down the rabbit hole of depression and self loathing. I am having trouble getting out of bed in the morning, I don’t feel up to talking to anyone (even if it is just over text messages), I don’t have the mental stamina to complete my school work. Basically, I just feel like curling up in a ball and turning the world around me off. The universe feels too big and loud and terrifying and I don’t feel strong enough to be a part of it.

During the course of this spiraling into a deep sea of depression, there was one single thing that filled me with hope and joy and a sense of meaning… Can you guess what it was?

If you said running, than you are correct.

In fact, the day that I discovered I was injured, I had a therapy appointment before I went to the doctor for my leg. We had an amazing session and we spoke about how bad I have been doing and how running has been my saving grace. She told me how important it is that I keep running, as it is the one thing that gets me out of bed in the morning and that makes taking on the world, while still almost impossible, somewhat bearable.

Of course, right after that appointment I was told that I couldn’t run again for a while.

I completely lost it.

Yup, embarrassing myself, as I frequently do, I started crying in the middle of the medical office. The worst part of not being able to control your emotions is knowing that your reaction to the given situation is inappropriate in respect to the situation. I just feel like a toddler throwing a fit over not getting a toy that they want or something. As a result, I wind up crying even harder because of how pathetic I feel. It is a vicious cycle.

On top of being in a black hole of depression already, not being able to run is a double whammy when it comes to worsening my already less-than-ideal mental state.

On one hand, running is my saving grace. It is my love. It is what I feel passionate about. It is the one thing that makes me feel like maybe I’m worth something. It makes me grateful to be alive in this wonderful, beautiful, and magical world of ours. it makes me thankful to be alive and to have a body, regardless of the size of it, that can carry me for miles and miles.

On the other hand, it is no secret that a lot of my issues stem from a deep loathing of myself, and, more specifically, my body. I was already freaking out over the fact that I feel as though I eat way too much and that I am gaining weight and getting bigger by what feels like the day. Now, I am unable to run or do intensive exercise. All I can do is the elliptical or the bike… Not exactly the top of the list calorie burning machines. I already wanted to get this extra weight off (which is almost impossible for me since I destroyed my metabolism with my eating issues…I really need to get back on track with working on that), but now it feels more impossible than ever. I feel and look puffy and larger. I don’t want to leave the room because I don’t want people to see me. I was already struggling with getting to class, now if feels almost impossible. In fact, I skipped out on two classes this week because I just physically could not get myself out the door. I just crumble… It’s bad.

I think the worst part is knowing on a logical level that a lot of it must be in my head. You don’t swell up 20 pounds over night, but to me it appears as though I do. I have trouble differentiating what is real and what is just a false projection from my disordered mind. It’s like there is this constant war going on inside my mind and I can’t make it stop.

It is exhausting… And quite honestly, I don’t know what to do about it.

Another piece of all of this is that I feel like every time I take one step in the right direction recovery wise, I wind up taking about 10 steps back. At the end of the summer, I was seeing progress, I really was. To others (mainly my mom), I know that it seemed as though therapy was doing nothing and I was in just as bad of a place as I had been for years… But I wasn’t. The thing with recovery is that it is a painfully slow process. Any change, infinitesimal as it may seem, is crucial and important. The recovering person notices them, but everyone around that person sees absolutely nothing.

I explained it, both to my mom and to my therapist, like this – For years now, I have hated my body. I obsess about what I look like, what people are seeing and thinking of my size, and how food is the enemy 100% of the time. At the end of the summer, these thoughts consumed my mind about 98.5% of the time. This 1.5% change of mentality may seem laughable in size… But to me is was huge. 

And now I’m back at 100% of the time for these bad thoughts… And I hate it.

I also feel like I am wasting my mom’s money on therapy and I am wasting my therapist’s time. I feel selfish for even going… I am just at a stand still.

2. SOMETHING MORE POSITIVE!!!!

There is actually one thing that fills me with as much joy as running does.

(from my Instagram)

It sounds stupid, but if I could be absolutely anything in the world, I would be a musician. Now, I’m not talking like a Taylor-Swift-status-billionaire-superstar status musician… I would just want to be in a band with a moderate fan base that I could love. Music is the most powerful form of expression in my opinion. I have wanted to be a lot of different things career-wise in my lifetime, and none of the career paths that I have aspired to really had anything in common. The only common factor among my passions in life is this overwhelming need to make people feel something. I think this is why writing has always been a reoccurring theme in my goals in life. When you read a good book, watch a powerful movie, or listen to beautiful music, it elicits some sort of emotion within in you. Words have the power to be your best friend, your biggest motivator. Words can make you feel less alone… And that is what I love so much about music.

I listen to music by bands who weave words with melody in ways that make my heart cry out. I listen to music that can bring a real smile to my face whilst also brining me to tears… And listening to live music? There is nothing better.

Jeremy McKinnon of A Day To Remember absolutely killing it. 

It sounds like a cliche from a bad teenage movie… But music really has saved my life in more ways than one. I have been listening to my favorite band, Silverstein, since 7th grade. 7th grade also happened to be the time where my depression really manifested into something truly nasty. I have continued listening to that band through the years. I know that every time I am having a really hard time, their music has been there for me, and it will continue to be there for me as long as I have hearing.

There is also something truly beautiful, at least to me, about being surrounded by hundreds of people who all have the same deep connection to a certain song or band that you do. We are all pressed together like sardines in a can, we are jumping, we are struggling to keep up with keeping the crowd surfers from falling to the floor. My hair is being pulled and I am being absolutely demolished by the people around me (don’t even ask how many bruises I have on my body right now)… And for some reason, being accidentally punched and kicked, being knocked over while trying to hold up a dude about twice the size of me, and being drenched in sweat that isn’t even my own… It’s beautiful.

So in conclusion, I have been doing really really awful lately… But I had one really great day on Saturday, so I am choosing to focus on that instead.

This too shall pass.

…Right?

August In A Flash

Hey! 

Workout – A low impact workout sounded like a good idea this morning. I banged my knee pretty badly the other day and bruised the muscle. I’m not exactly the best at icing (I detest it so much… But I really should do it more)… So, I woke up this morning to a pretty gnarly looking bruise and a lot of swelling.

Tried a new to me elliptical workout from FitSugar.

 

And enjoyed my last smoothie bowl for a while (I got back to school today) post workout. Threw some spinach into the mix to get some more greens in before having to go back to school as well.

 

 

 

Topped with coconut chips and Loni Jane’s “rawnola.” The stuff seriously tastes like cookie dough. So flipping good.

 

So, terrifyingly enough, today is the first day of September! September has never exactly been my favorite month… I mean, not only does it mark the end of summer, but it’s just such an uneventful month! Not only is the celebration of summer over, but there are no holidays or festivities either. 

That being said, while August was a pretty rough month for me between losing my cousin, my severe panic attacks forcing me to quit my job in a less-than ideal way, and just having been in a bad place in general… There definitely were some good points in the month of August that I would rather focus on. 

So in August I was…

Reading…

I actually have yet to finish any of the books that I started in the month of August. I just haven’t been in the right mindset to sit and read. However, towards the end of the month when I was finding myself spending a lot of time on the train back and forth from the city, I’ve been making it a point to bring a book with me!

I have mentioned this book before, and it really is a gem.

 

Yes, another nutrition book revolving around a high-carb and plant-based diet. I have just really been interested in this particular type of diet recently and want to learn as much about it as I can… I also am loving getting proven information from accredited sources instead of all of the extremist types that I am finding on Youtube (not there are no good advocates of this lifestyle on Youtube). I just always love to know the science behind certain claims made in the health and fitness world.

I only started this book the other day… But I feel like it needs to be mentioned! Haruki Murakami is a genius and his writing style is just… I can’t even describe it. I just want to highlight every sentence to read over and over again because he weaves words together so beautifully. 

 

Listening To…

Brand New. Brand New. Brand New.

This concert was seriously one of the greatest experiences of my life. Not only was it the highlight of my month music-wise… But I think it was just the highlight of my month in general.

Also, I got to go with my best friend. So that made it all the more amazing.

 

Eating…

Need I even say it?

Nom.

Seeing…

I have taken in some pretty beautiful sights this month.

Other things…

I dyed my hair green.

 

I embarked on a new life journey at a new school in a new “home.”

 

I have remained consistent with my Youtube channel and have really pushed out of what would typically be my comfort zone.

As someone with a self confidence that is, to say the least, abysmal, putting myself on camera isn’t exactly easy. It’s hard enough when it is just my face on camera… But my latest video was a cookbook, which involves showing my entire self… Body and all. It may not seem like all that big of a deal, but it was seriously one of the most difficult things that I did this month. I’m kind of proud of myself so sucking it up and making myself so through with it.

 

So there you have it; August in a nutshell. 

 

Question(s):

1. What have you been loving this month?

2. When is the last time you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone? What did you do?

Music Makes Me Feel Alive…

Hey!

I have no idea why, but up until about 5 minutes ago, I was thoroughly convinced that today was Monday. I had just had breakfast, was making some green tea, and was going to sit down and write a Mental Health Monday post. Gosh, I felt so on top of things and productive… But apparently it’s Sunday. Whoops. So I have to changing gears a bit! Workout: My knee felt a little bit off today, so I figured it would be best to stick with a low-impact workout. Enter the stair master! I went for one of my go to stair master workouts from Blogilates. As per usual, I adjusted the workout a bit to cater to my needs (I swapped minutes 28-35 with 35-45 and upped the steps per minute by about 10 for everything except for the warm up and cool down). I have to say, I don’t feel like I get the best workout in regards to my heart rate increasing and calorie burning when I do the stair master… I do, however, feel like a flipping beast. I actually remember my first attempt at the stair master. It was a couple of years ago, I had just come off of cross country season and was looking for a good way to cross train. Woman cannot survive on the elliptical alone (actually you can, but I just really wanted to try and be funny… fail), so I decided to hop on the stair master since it seemed like a great way to work my legs. I think I lasted 10 minutes… 15 at most. And this was right after cross country season, so I was definitely in shape. Better shape than I am currently. However, the muscles required for the stair master are obviously different than those used in running. I don’t know, it’s just kind of nice to be able to look back on that while I am doing a stair master workout as a reminder that I really have come far on this fitness journey of mine. Not my best smoothie bowl. I still don’t have acai, so I made it with non-fat greek yogurt and it wound up just making me feel pretty sick. Normally, even though I am lactose intolerant, I can take greek yogurt due to the probiotics in it… Today was obviously not one of those days. So last night was pretty rad.   That photo was actually taken by my friend Cody (he’s pretty much the only friend I ever talk about on this blog… So if I ever say my best friend, I mean Cody) because I am approximately two feet tall and couldn’t see anything. He saw my struggle to get a photo and offered to take a few for me. What an angel that kid is. I’m sure that I have mentioned this before on here, but I live for live music. This summer alone I have seen Fall Out Boy, Paramore, State Champs, Yellowcard, Motionless in White, Mayday Parade, Front Porch Step, Say Anything, The Front Bottoms, Bowling for Soups, and now… Brand New!

(I took this one… I may have had to stand on my tippy-toes to get it.)

If you have never heard of Brand New before, I strongly suggest that you check them out. Some of the songs I would recommend include: “Jesus/Jesus Christ,” “Sic Transit Gloria Fades,” “Guernica,” “Degausser,” “Daisy,”… Ok, I would honestly suggest any and every song by them.

Have you picked up on the fact that they are one of my favorite bands yet?

I get chills just thinking about the fact that I got to see them perform that song (my all time favorite by them) live last night. It’s surreal to me.

I just had a really good night and I am so grateful to have been able to get the tickets (I had to sit at my computer and buy them the second that they went on sale… Brand New tickets always sell out immediately), was able to experience live music that really elicits a special, almost indescribably so, feeling of gratitude and happiness within me, and that I was able to share the experience with my best friend.

I am so thankful for the times that make me feel alive. I know that I have previously addressed that fact that most of the time, I feel as though I am not living but just simply existing… And last night made me feel alive.

I am just really happy.

 

Acai Love and Warped Tour

Hey everyone! Happy Sunday!

My morning started off with me being up at 6:30 and debating whether or not to forgo my planned swim workout in favor of some more (desperately needed) sleep.

Well… After almost a half an hour of trying to make a decision, I ended up at the gym.

My workout looked like this:

Warmup – 150m freestyle

100m breaststroke

100m freestyle pull

Workout – 200m freestyle moderate pace

8x25m sprints IM order (butterfly, backstroke, breaststroke, freestyle)

200m freestyle moderate pace

4×25 freestyle kick sprint

4×25 breaststroke kick sprint

200m freestyle moderate pace

100m breaststroke moderate pace

Cooldown –  100m freestyle

100m breaststroke

100m freestyle pull

Done!

Post shower and workout, I headed over to the grocery store to pick up ingredients for chicken soup (my mom’s really sick, so I figured soup would be a good idea) as well as the fixings for my my recent food obsession.

Hello there beautiful.

Acai bowls are all the rage lately… And I can definitely see why.

In my mix –

Acai Smoothie Pack (I get the Sambazon ones with no added sugar)

Frozen mango

Maca Powder

Stevia

Ice

Fresh Grapfuit Juice

Toppings – Coconut “chips,” fresh strawberries, and cinnamon.

So good. Acai bowls may take the place of my banana ice cream bowls for a while… And that’s saying something, considering how much I love my banana smoothie bowls.

 

Yesterday’s bowl was pretty similar except there was no maca and there were some freeze dried bananas and some blackberries. It was also enjoyed post a painless run!

I remembered to wear my knee brace while running yesterday and it really made a world of a difference!

At 9:30am, I had to leave for Vans Warped Tour, aka, my favorite day of the year. It was a wonderful day filled with great music and amazing friends.

It also happened to be one of the most exhausting days ever, what with it being outside all day with you on your feet with no food and 1 bottle of water from 11am-9pm!

All that exhaustion (and sunburn… ouch) is always so worth it though =)! I’m just worried about working until midnight tonight. I may just fall asleep while packaging oils and cheeses (I work in a restaurant).

SECRETS ! One of my favorite bands and they were absolutely insane live!

 

If you ever have the opportunity to see Bowling For Soup in concert… Do it. I don’t even know much of their music apart from 1985, but they are hilarious and put on such a fun show. This scene occurred during a, “unique Bowling For Soup photo opportunity,” where they stopped in the middle of their set and started posing for pictures.

They also played the Phineas and Ferb theme song.

Oh yes.

Have an amazing day you guys!

 

Friday Favorites 7.11.2014

Hey everyone!

Somehow, another week has gone by. It’s actually terrifying how fast this summer is flying by… Is it really almost the middle of July already?

Anyway, let’s talk about the things I have been loving this week!

1. Favorite Workout: Thursday’s 6 miler.

 

Although having a bit of knee pain during my run was discouraging, it was great to get back out there again and to actually feel good on my run. I was happy (for the most part) with my pace, the weather was perfect, and it was one of those runs where it just flew by because I was able to really just get lost in my thoughts. I am so happy to be running again, even if it is only a handful of miles a week.

2. Favorite Sip

I’m a huge tea person, and one of my favorite ways to enjoy tea is to combine different types of tea together.

My current favorite tea combo is Yogi Ginger Tea and Trader Joe’s Pomegranate White Tea with lemon and stevia. So good. 10/10 do recommend.

Also, I have a ridiculous amount of stomach issues and recently they have been worse than usual… So I’m trying to drink as much ginger tea as possible!

3. Favorite Eats

The (embarrassingly large) snack plate obsession is going strong.

I attempted to make raw vegan sushi! A majority of it just fell apart (and were eaten) while I was attempting to cut it, but the pieces that actually resembled sushi were pretty darn good! I’m thinking that the issue may have been my needing a sharper knife. All of the knives in my house are in desperate need of some good sharpenings.

4. Favorite Look

I am absolutely obsessed with all of the outfits in this post on the fashion blog Feral Creature. Seriously… Can I just own every single article of clothing in these photos? And have her hair? …Please?

5. Favorite Internet Find

Just watch this video ok? So beautiful and powerful. Just watch it.

 

Now I really have to get some rest. Warped Tour (the greatest event of the year) is tomorrow!

Question(s):

What have you been loving this week?

Ever make sushi before? Did yours fall apart too? Or are you some sushi-making prodigy? 

Frazzled

Hey everyone!

Today was one of those days where you just are so frazzled that you have absolutely no clue what day it is.

First thing’s first, I want to talk about yesterday! I was hardly home so I really couldn’t get a post in, and when I finally was home it was after 3am and I just crashed!

Yesterday, I started my morning off with another swim workout!

I was short on time so this mile swim workout was absolutely perfect! Plus, those kick drills were absolutely killer. When I’m swimming (especially in freestyle), my kicking is always a lot smaller and less powerful than it should be… Meaning my (weak) arms do most of the work which obviously isn’t the way it is supposed to be… I’ll definitely be adding the workout to my usual rotation!

Also, as much as I hate the fact that I can’t run, I love that swimming is strengthening all of the muscles in both my arms and legs that I don’t normally use for running. I’m hoping that by evening out my muscle strengths with cross training will help prevent injury in the future.

That being said, I really really need to heal up and run again.

After my swim, I took a quick shower and headed right over to my chiropractor to finally have my knee checked out. As I expected, I have patellofemoral pain syndrome (runner’s knee)… Which I guess is a good thing because that means that there’s no actual damage in my knee area. She did some ultrasound on it (ultrasound is a miracle worker, I swear) and recommended that I wear a knee brace, especially when I run.

Note to self: go buy that knee brace tomorrow!

Later on in the day, I headed into the city with my friend for a concert! I’ve gone to concerts too weekends in a row and I am definitely not complaining! =)

This picture is super blurry, but the hole-punch marks on my train ticket looked like little bats and it made me a lot happier than it probably should have.

We saw The Front Bottoms and Say Anything, a band that I have loved since 6th grade.

I don’t even know how to formulate words to properly describe just how amazing of a show it was. I love music more than I love most things… In fact, if I could choose one thing to do with my life, it would be music.

The Front Bottoms were absolutely amazing and so much fun.

And Say Anything just completely killed it. I was able to finagle my way all the way up front (where I took quite a few elbows to the head by sweaty men but hey…) and it was just so much fun.

And Max Bemis (their lead singer) is the man.

Also, this made me really happy.

Empire State Building lit up for pride =). So thankful to be able to call New York my city.

Today was just busy and stressful… If I’m honest, I had two really bad panic attacks today and it was all just a mess so I apologize that I don’t have any pictures from today to share and for the fact that I know this post looks like it could have been written by a 3rd grader. I’m just feeling really low and burned out.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I really hope you had a wonderful day =).

Question(s):

What do you do to get yourself through bad days?

 

Weekend Recap

Hey everyone! Sorry for the lack of a post yesterday and for the fact that this post is going to be mostly photos.

Although, for some it may be preferable to just look at pictures instead of reading my usual nonsensical rants… If that’s the case, this is the post for you dear reader!

Anyway, this weekend was a mess of rushing around and trying to get things done that needed to get done but not actually accomplishing any of said things.

Saturday, I woke up and tested the waters with a run before heading out to Bed Bath and Beyond to get a present for my cousin’s engagement party that I had to go to later that day!

I thought I took a picture of the (absolutely amazing) marketplace inside of Bed Bath and Beyond… But apparently I didn’t so here’s a selfie from outside of Bed Bath and Beyond instead because it’s basically the same thing.

I had never been in once of the huge Bed Baths before (the one closest to me is pretty small) so I had never been enlightened to how ABSOLUTELY AMAZING THOSE PLACES ARE! They had a whole international market section that had all of this cool food and drink from all over the world.

I wanted everything, but instead I just left with the engagement present, a bottle of Speculoos flavored syrup, and some tea. I’m exciting.

I didn’t actually take any pictures at the engagement party (I know I promised you a picture of the finished product of those oreo things that I showed you on Saturday) because I wound up only being able to stay for an hour before I had to leave for a concert!

I actually wound up going to see Paramore and Fall Out Boy at the Monument Tour with my best friend! I didn’t know I was going until the day of… Cody just happened to have an extra ticket and needed someone to go with him so obviously I had to take one for the team.

I don’t think I have listened to a Paramore song since their Riot album back in 7th(?) grade. They were a lot better than I expected and played quite a few songs off of Riot so I got to sing along!

Finally, after Paramore’s set ended, Fall Out Boy came on and completely killed it! I have seen FOB 3 times in the past year and they never fail to impress me.

Also, Patrick Stump (the lead singer) has the most angelic voice on the planet… I’m not fully convinced that he is in fact a human. Cody and I have a theory that he may be a robot… A person can’t just be that adorable and talented and humble all at once.

Today was another day of running around and not getting anything that I needed to be done done.

Although, I did (possibly) finish registering for the classes I will be taking this fall! Progress!

Question(s):

What was the last concert you went to?

Best thing you did this weekend?

 

Style Saturday

Hey all! I’ve decided to do a weekly segment called Style Saturday! … Or at least that is what it will be temporarily called, I need to think of a better, less over-used name. 

This blog is called Snapbacks and Racing Flats for a reason. While I am extremely passionate about running and fitness in general, and while this blog is very much just a lifestyle (or just a life in general) blog, I also love fashion and makeup and music and the purpose of having this blog is having a way express all of my different interests. It is my outlet, since I know that my future career won’t be in all of the fields that I am passionate about.

So basically, I thought it would be fun to do a little segments about my personal sense of style every Saturday. What I am going to do is take certain items from my Pinterest and put them together into outfits that I either own or would love to own… or that I would love to be able to pull off…

Just a stupid little disclaimer here, but I just want to say that I’m not claiming to be any sort of super professional fashionista or anything. I just happen to really enjoy putting outfits together and spend WAY too much time on the computer doing so. 

So here we go!

 

 

This outfit is just super duper casual and something that most emulates my everyday sense of style (minus the jeans, I hate how jeans look on me… wish I could pull them off though). Just an oversized band-t (Brand New!), distressed jeans that are cuffed at the ankle, converse, and a head chain to dress it up a little bit!

Head chain – SheInside

Brand New The Devil and God shirt – Hot Topic

Jeans – Charlotte Russe 

Sneakers – Converse

This next outfit is a tiny bit dressier but still casual. I love a-line dresses more than anything, I think they just have such a youthful and casual feel to them. The little hearts on the tights add to the cuteness of the look and then some chunkie booties toughen up the look slightly.

Dress and tights – Oasap

Booties – Boohoo

I had one more look for you.. but unfortunately the program I am using to put the pictures of the clothes together keeps crashing. I’ll have to include it in next week. I hope you enjoyed this little segment and I look forward to talking to you guys tomorrow! Bye!

 

 

 

Weekend in Recap

Hey everyone!

I had a really good weekend… one of the best ones that I have had in a while really. Yes, I know that it is Tuesday so it’s kind of weird to be doing a post about the weekend… But I’m going to pretend that Monday was part of the weekend!

My mom went away for the weekend (she went up to a spa with her friends to celebrate her birthday and also her friend’s 5 year anniversary of being cancer free) so my brother and I went to stay with my grandparents. I guess it’s kind of weird that I am a college student yet I still need to stay with someone when my mom goes away, but staying with my grandparents is one of my favorite things! It was my second weekend in a row staying with them and it was just oh so wonderful.

This is what typical mornings look like at my grandparents’ house! Egg whites, coffee, and a good book. I am currently reading Wasted by Marya Hornbacher, a book I have wanted to read for years. It is a memoir about her life living with anorexia and bulemia. So far I am absolutely loving it, it shows a different side of eating disorders besides the falsities that are often portrayed in the media and society in general. I need to make more time to read when I get back to school. I love it so much.

Another wonderful thing about staying with my grandparents is that I get to sleep in my mother’s old bedroom. It still has a couple of her things, including a teddy bear that my dad gave to her.

I love cuddling up with this thing when I sleep. I always seem to sleep better (and actually sleep through the night) when I am at my grandparents’ house. I don’t really know what it is, my anxiety just doesn’t seem to be as bad there. It’s like the house is surrounded by a little bubble of safeness.

On Saturday, I went to a concert! Quick fact about me, music is probably what I love most on this planet (besides my family of course). Even above running, I have never felt the same love and passion for anything that I feel with music. My best friend and I traveled into the city to see the Glamor Kills Holiday Show at The Studio at Webster Hall. Now let me just say that there really is nothing like New York City at night, it was about a 25 minute walk from Penn Station to the concert venue and it was just so pretty!

(The opening bands were a little bit different because the date had to be changed due to weather. Misser and Elder Brothers weren’t there)

I had never been to this venue before and it definitely was not what I expected. It was basically a teeny tiny basement! We were all jam packed together, yet it was also kind of awesome because we were so close to the stage. I actually wound up right up at the stage for Hit The Lights (GO CHECK THEM OUT! THEY ROCK!) and I got to jump up and down and sing and got to help hold up the lead singer when he crowd surfed. They played a whole record from start to finish and just oh my goodness it was such a great night. I also really love State Champs, and they were also so good.

Oh, and at the very end of the concert I caught one of the drummer’s drum sticks… One of the highlights of my life night I must say. My friend and I had an absolutely amazing time and we left the concert dehydrated, drenched in sweat, exhausted, and as happy as physically possible.

We headed back to Penn station at a little after midnight and were completely mesmerized by the unique world that is NYC on a Saturday night… I swear, it will never get old to me.

It was also super foggy so the buildings looked super spooky and cool!

Yesterday, I got to wish a happy birthday to the most amazing woman in the world.

My mom.

She is honestly just the strongest, and most amazing person that I know. She deals with me and my problems, I know that that isn’t easy. She single handedly takes care of my family. She is so funny and kind and empathetic and I know that I am going to be one of those people that grows up and pretty much becomes their mother… And honestly, I think that growing up to be life her would be one of the greatest gifts that could be given to me. I am so thankful that she is my mom.

For her birthday, we went out to eat up the block from us with my brother and my grandparents.

I had a roasted beet salad with candied walnuts and shrimp.

It was pretty good, I didn’t love how the shrimp were cooked though.

We then went home and invited my cousin, her husband, and their baby over for cake.

I made my mom a chocolate layer cake with raspberry filling and chocolate ganache frosting (recipe here), and let me just tell you that my blood, sweat, and tears went into the making of this cake.  Seriously, everything that could possibly go wrong with this cake went wrong. It completely fell apart, I burned the ganache on the first try… Oh boy was it a mess… But somehow I managed to mush it together into something that looked mildly presentable!!

Plus, the taste got rave reviews and a “TANKEW ENN(my name in baby talk)!” from my 1 1/2 year old cousin… So I guess that makes it a winner.

I hope you all had a terrific Tuesday!

Goodnight!

I’m typing this post whilst wearing a onesie…

I just thought you guys should know.

Obviously I am verrrryy serious about my onesie wearing….

ANYWAYS! It’s been a few days, and I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! Mine was alright, Christmas is always a bittersweet kind of thing. My father passed away almost three years ago, and Christmas really just doesn’t feel right without him. However, I am blessed to have such a wonderful (albeit slightly crazy) family that I love so much. I really am lucky. I have a large extended family and we are all very close. Even my dad’s side is close with my mom’s side! I’m also close with my second cousins and their families which is something that I know not a lot of people are able to say. I really am thankful for what i have.

Awkward family photo, featuring me and a few of my cousins.

Moving on, I’ve been feeling pretty down lately and haven’t really had the motivation to sit down and write anything. I’m stressed beyond belief with wanting to transfer colleges, social things, and just my own personal issues that I have with myself. Those all really came to head when, while doing insanity the other day, I fell and sprained my ankle. Being me, I had a complete meltdown over how I can’t afford not to work out and then went to the gym to do the elliptical. It didn’t hurt as much after the gym, I was happy about that.

Then, being the genius that I am…. I went to a concert with my best friend.
Yeah, probably not the best idea to stand on your newly sprained ankle for 5+ hours… Needless to say, I stood on one leg a majority of the time, couldn’t jump around or anything, and my ankle was roughly the size of a baseball by the time that I left.

Driving home was also quite the interesting experience (it was my right ankle that I sprained).

I’m happy I went to the concert though! It was Bayside’s (a band) holiday show and Man Overboard (a band my friend and I really love) were playing it too. It was a great show, I just wish that I wasn’t in too much pain to enjoy it. I also feel really bad for my friend because I know that I probably wasn’t the most fun person to be at a concert with that night …

Anyway, I have been icing the bejeezus out of my ankle and have been wearing my ProCompression compression sock non-stop. The swelling has gone down a little bit but it still really hurts if I don’t have my sock on. I think it just really needs support.

Not being able to do Insanity with my ankle like this is really making me feel like a failure. You aren’t supposed to skip days, but I just can’t jump on my ankle. I feel horrible.

Right now I’m upstate, which I guess is good since I wouldn’t be able to do Insanity here anyway. The weather is crazy here. I went for a sloooooow three mile run and I swear that I thought my face was going to fall off!

 

Don’t let that seemingly harmless road fool you! It was completely covered in ice and I wound up pretty much ice skating for most of my run. It was also raining/snowing and I wound up drenched from head to toe. On the up side, my ankle by hurt! My guess it that it was because I was too frozen to feel it.

Being upstate is so nice, cold, yes, but nice. Last night we went out to a restaurant called Soma’s for my aunt’s birthday. The restaurant cooks over a wood grill and uses all locally grown products and local meat (though I don’t like to think about that.)

 

 

 

 

I had blackened salmon that came with a garden salad and probably THE BEST roasted vegetables that I have ever tasted!

 

I also unleashed my inner country girl and sipped tea out of a mason jar.

Now, I’m just chillin at my aunt and uncle’s country house in my onesie and blogging. As nice as it is up here, I’m excited to go home. I only have like… 2 and a half more weeks until I have to go back to school… I just want to spend as much time at home as I possibly can.

Until tomorrow mis amigos!