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This Was Supposed To Be A Five Things Friday Post.


Hey everyone! Who’s stoked it’s Friday?

Workout – Insanity Plyometric Cardio Circuit.

So nice to be home for the weekend and able to do Insanity. I miss it when I’m at school! This morning’s workout was originally meant to be a run.. But I had to drive my mom to the train station and my brother to school and I wound up just not having enough time to get in the miles that I wanted to before having to get ready and leave for therapy.

This blog has officially become the most neglected thing in my life (ok, that may be a stretch). In case you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m not exactly a particularly interesting person, nor is my life all that exciting. I have a lot of thoughts that I would love to go on about and share with the world… But they don’t all exactly fit into a nice clean package. What I’m saying is that I am the very definition of a mess. I want to blog about health. I want to blog about eating disorder recovery. I want to blog about my life (who the heck would care about that?!). I want to blog about running. I want to blog about the environment. I want to blog about fashion. I want to blog about music. I just want to write. Basically, I am all over the place… And this results in my getting very overwhelmed (I get overwhelmed way too easily, it’s something that I am working on). Once I’m overwhelmed, I start spiraling down into an anxiety attack. After this begins, I begin to mentally tell myself off for my having no right to be overwhelmed when there are so many people (most people actually) who do so much more than me and get it all done and still have free time and social lives. This results in guilt. Which, you guessed it, results in more anxiety. And the kicker here? This all results in nothing getting done. Basically, I don’t know what I am doing with this blog. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself because I really would love for this blog to become something. It may sound pathetic, but the only type of job that I can see myself having any success in in the future is one that involves blogging or Youtube or anything of the like. Again, it sounds stupid. I know. I mean, I just sound like a spoiled little kid who doesn’t want to get a “real job” ever… Right? The thing is, just with the whole anxiety thing… Being trapped in an office all day or having a very strict schedule just seems like it would result in my having a meltdown. That all being said, hopefully if I keep working at it and meditating and going to therapy, I’ll be able to get over all of this depression and anxiety and then, who knows, maybe I will, somehow, have some actual success in something one day. I don’t really know. I just hope that it’s possible for me. I fee like such a dumb kid with a bad case of, “special snowflake,” syndrome. I know that so many people struggle with my exactly mental issues and I know that many people have it so much worse than me (I’m not saying I have a bad life by any means, just that I have a bad mental state)… And they have success in life and drive and they… They have lives. So who am I to think that I have the right to struggle? Who am I to keep screwing up? To haul myself up away from the world because it all just seems to big and scary and overwhelming? Who am I to think that I can maybe be someone one day instead of having to fall into the the routine of the endlessly getting up daily and going to work in a place that I hate so I can have money to support myself? Who am I to think that maybe I could be different? I just … I don’t know. Oh. As per usual, I sat down to write a light-hearted post about things I’ve been up to lately and instead wound up spewing out a whole bunch of nonsensical angst and musings. Welcome to Snapbacks And Racing Flats kids. But seriously… I apologize if you read my blog. Does anyone read this thing? Hellooooo? I’m currently sitting in a Starbucks with my coffee (blonde roast with soy milk is pretty delicious fyi) and am trying to somehow get my Youtube video that should already be up edited. DSCF3271

Yeah.. Um… this happened. I really wanted to do some sort of Halloween-themed video since I absolutely love Halloween but never get to celebrate it because, well, no friends. Unfortunately, I obviously have no idea why I am doing and my attempt at a Tim Burton’s The Corpse Bride themed makeup look wound up looking like… well… this.

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I also can’t even begin to explain to you what a mess I made of my dorm room while trying to maneuver all of the different face paints and things while filming.

I know that my Youtube channel isn’t exactly ground-breaking or entertaining or even quality… But I am really loving doing it. Aside from school, I feel that I don’t have menu things really driving me in life right now. Yes I have running and I want to train more and get my distance up and sign up for a half-marathon once I have the money… But other than that, I am really struggling to find a sense of purpose.

Now, I know that saying that my little Youtube channel with it’s couple of viewers gives me and my life meaning sounds pretty obscene… But, it does. My Youtube channel is an outlet for me to express myself and be creative and express myself.

It’s no secret that I struggle with self-esteem and body image and, well, human interaction. So this channel is really a way for me to challenge myself. I’m editing my video right now, and I can’t tell you how disgusted I am looking at this thing. Not only did I film this right after getting back from a run (probably not my best idea)… But I can see in in relation so some of my videos from the summer and it is so noticable in my face that I have put on weight.

Needless to say, I would rather not upload this thing.

But I’m going to. I am challenging myself to not care and to try and accept myself as I am and put myself out there. It’s terrifying… And exciting.

And now I am off to finish editing this video and go grocery shopping! Exciting times guys. Exciting times.

To end this post on a happy note, here’s a photo of an adorable puppy in a frog costume.

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Oh, you are so welcome.

I don’t know.

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Uncategorized

Injured Again


Hey guys.

I really am trying to get back into the swing of blogging. Like I said the other day, I miss it. And I am in desperate need of an outlet… Especially now.

Warning: this post is going to be even more depressing and lacking in energy than usual. It will also very likely be mildly melodramatic. Proceed with caution.

Workout – 30 minute interval cycling workout on the stationary bike + 25 minutes of intervals on the elliptical.

So, as the title kind of already says, I am injured. Again.

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My life for a while.

During my run the other day, I was feeling sharp, but not unbearable, pain in my inner ankle/calf region of my right leg. I figured that the muscle was just tight, as my calve muscles typically are, and that the hills of Central Park were just getting to me. I thought I just had to get used to the uneven terrain and hills of Central Park. Nothing to worry about. I was just thrilled that the deep blisters on my heels were finally recovered enough to be able to actually run without having to stop due to pain.

The next day, I did speed work on the treadmill and felt fine. Actually, I felt great. Such a great workout. I was stoked.

So after my workout, I packed up my things and went home for the long weekend. That evening, I noticed that the muscle in my leg was feeling very tight again. Again, I didn’t really think much of it.

I spent that night at my grandparents’ house, and laced up the next morning for a 5 mile run. Well, I made it about 3 miles before I was hobbling and crying from pain. Being my insane self… I forced myself to do at least one more mile… And then I had to stop. I couldn’t take it.

I had a therapy appointment and had to drive out about 45 minutes in severe pain. I made an appointment with my chiropractor for right after my therapy session and rushed there after. Unfortunately, due to the new health care laws, my chiropractor isn’t really able to spend as much time with each patient as she used to. So I was hooked up to the electric stim machine to loosen up the muscle for a while, and then she came in, looked at it, told me to go get an ace bandage, and wrapped my leg up with ice. She also worked on the muscle a little bit and I, one who has a VERY high pain tolerance, was sobbing. I can’t even explain the amount of pain.

Needless to say… She told me not to run. I, being the emotionally unstable person that I am, started, to my complete mortification, crying… Yup. Crying. Right there in front of everyone. I felt like the world was ending.

Like I said, quite the melodramatic post.

Here’s the thing, I had just come from therapy, and that already typically makes me more emotional that I usually am (and I am already a pretty emotional person). I had just had a great session, we spoke about how I have been scaring myself lately with how low I have been. I have been unable to find it in me to even text my best and only friend, let alone attempt to make new friends at my new school. I haven’t been able to find it in me to do my school work. Leaving my dorm to go to class is unbearable. My only salvation? Getting up and running every morning. Joanne (my absolutely amazing therapist) said how important it is for me that I even get up in the morning to run. It is the one thing that allows me to face the world. It is the one thing that makes me truly grateful for the body that I have and that makes me think about how much I truly love this world. It is the one thing that keeps me going and feeling like maybe I may have some sort of purpose in this world. I spend most of my time feeling like a failure. I don’t know what I am doing with my life. I don’t know what I am meant to do. I don’t know what my purpose is. I hate my body. I don’t have friends and I don’t feel as though I can handle having friends right now, yet I am terrified that I will now be alone forever. I feel as though I am wasting my college experience and that I am wasting my life.

But running makes me feel a glimpse of hope. It is the one thing that can actually make me feel ok about myself.

With my being in such a truly terrible place right now… I need my running now more than ever. And I can’t do that.

On top of that, I have no idea when I will be able to run again. It is my favorite season for running right now, and it only lasts a few weeks. Also, like I addressed the other day, I have gained weight and I am not ok with this… And now I really can’t workout except for the bike.

I am just at a complete loss. And I know that I am being stupid and dramatic and trust me, I of all people know that there are much worse things in this world than a temporary injury preventing me from running. It is just that I have really been scaring myself recently and running was my only salvation. I just feel like it is always something going wrong and I just don’t know what to do. Also, my mobility is very limited. I have trouble getting up and down the stairs due to pain, and walking is painful and problematic… I am not good at sitting an doing nothing. Again, I feel as though I am wasting time.

I just don’t know.

Sorry! I’ll try to be more positive tomorrow. I just really needed to vent.

On a more positive note… I put up a new makeup tutorial today! It’s a fall look inspired by the iconic autumn drink, the pumpkin spice latte. Hope you enjoy!

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Uncategorized

New Video – Wide Awake Makeup Look


Hey everyone!

Workout: 

5 slow miles (legs are completely shot) + an easy 25 minutes on the elliptical to shake out my legs after sitting for a long period of time.

Today has been a whirlwind and I haven’t really done anything to write about, nor have I photographed my food for WIAW.

However, what I DID do was spend a bulk of my day filming, editing, and uploading my latest makeup tutorial for my Youtube channel.

So, naturally, I though I should share it with you!

I created this simple look with the hopes of using makeup to achieve a fresh faced and wide-awake appearance, even when you’re running on about negative 5 hours of sleep (which I know that many of us students do).

I also wanted the makeup to look natural enough to be appropriate for all ages.

I hope you enjoy!

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Friday Favorites, Uncategorized

Friday Favorites 7.25.2014 – So Much Link Love!


Hey everyone, happy Friday!

Workout: I got up bright and early to get my brother ready for junior life guarding and to get to the gym before heading out for an appointment.

I opted for the elliptical today since I did a long run yesterday and figured that it would be a good idea to go easy on my knee today.

I also tried out a new workout that I found on the POP Sugar fitness app! Did you know this thing existed? I just found it the other day and it’s great!

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I did this workout at a level 20 elevation and those sprints were brutal. 

I also added an extra 10 minutes of intervals before my final cool down for a nice 40 minute workout.

 

 

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I don’t know why there are tissues on the ground next to the elliptical.

So now let’s talk about some things that I have been loving this week.

This week’s favorites include more links to blog posts and recipes than anything else because it seems that while I was in a slump blogging wise this week… The rest of the world was on a roll with some quality posts and recipes!

Favorite Eat: 

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My korean chili stir-fry from the other day! So so good. I’m actually considering making this again tonight!

Either that or some sushi… Mmm.

Favorite Workout:

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Favorite Sip:

I could drink iced mochas all day, every day for the rest of forever.

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I just add chocolate to my regular iced coffee and BOOM dessert in coffee form!

Favorite Watch:

I have been obsessed with this Youtube channel this week! Wengie is actually the cutest person ever and I love her style and her everything and I may or may not have spent a bulk of this week binge watching her videos.

Seriously, check her out.

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Favorite Listen: 

I’ve actually been listening to a lot of K-Pop and J-Pop this week! Super fun to run to and so darn catchy.

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I used to listen to J-Pop all the time (mostly Ayumi Hamasaki and anime soundtracks… yes I am one of those people), but I kind of fell out of it. I forgot how much I enjoy this music!

Favorite Internet Finds:

And here’s the fun part.

Fashion – 

1. This simple look from I Dress Myselff.

I promised myself that I was done shopping for the summer, but I may need to make an exception for that t-shirt dress.

2. This dress is almost as gorgeous as the woman wearing it. Can you believe that Amber only just had her baby a little bit over a month ago?

Also, I wish more than anything that that dress was within my broke college student budget.

3. I just bought a similar pair of overalls to these. Here’s hoping I can actually pull them off!

4. I can’t even with this entire look. It physically hurts my soul that this outfit isn’t in my life… And even if it was, it wouldn’t look anywhere near as amazing.

Blog Posts – 

1. I know that this only just went up yesterday, but it deserves a mention. Sam’s guest post on Angela’s blog on body image was just wonderful and inspiring. I keep seeing this whole, “all you need to get a bikini body is a bikini and a body,” idea pop up all across the internet and while it’s awesome, it’s nice to see a post that dives a bit deeper into that topic. Plus I just love Sam and her blog and am so inspired by her progress in recovery!

2. These cupcakes! I actually made a batch of them in mini form today for a graduation party that I am going to tomorrow! Now if only I could make them look as pretty as Sally did… Alas, while I consider myself a pretty good baker, I am probably the single worst froster on the planet. Cake always winds up everywhere.

It’s bad.

3. 

Yes I am putting my own video here… Because what better place is there for shameless self-promotion than on my own blog? =P

In all seriousness, I am loving doing Youtube videos. Like, really loving it. It’s such a great outlet for me and I really hope to continue to learn how to film and edit and how to not be awkward in front of the camera and that I can really grow my channel. I just love it.

 

Goal for the night is to go to bed at a normal time! I’m actually going to get off of my computer and read soon….

After I watch a few more Youtube videos ;).

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Friday Favorites

Friday Favorites 7.11.2014


Hey everyone!

Somehow, another week has gone by. It’s actually terrifying how fast this summer is flying by… Is it really almost the middle of July already?

Anyway, let’s talk about the things I have been loving this week!

1. Favorite Workout: Thursday’s 6 miler.

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Although having a bit of knee pain during my run was discouraging, it was great to get back out there again and to actually feel good on my run. I was happy (for the most part) with my pace, the weather was perfect, and it was one of those runs where it just flew by because I was able to really just get lost in my thoughts. I am so happy to be running again, even if it is only a handful of miles a week.

2. Favorite Sip

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I’m a huge tea person, and one of my favorite ways to enjoy tea is to combine different types of tea together.

My current favorite tea combo is Yogi Ginger Tea and Trader Joe’s Pomegranate White Tea with lemon and stevia. So good. 10/10 do recommend.

Also, I have a ridiculous amount of stomach issues and recently they have been worse than usual… So I’m trying to drink as much ginger tea as possible!

3. Favorite Eats

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The (embarrassingly large) snack plate obsession is going strong.

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I attempted to make raw vegan sushi! A majority of it just fell apart (and were eaten) while I was attempting to cut it, but the pieces that actually resembled sushi were pretty darn good! I’m thinking that the issue may have been my needing a sharper knife. All of the knives in my house are in desperate need of some good sharpenings.

4. Favorite Look

I am absolutely obsessed with all of the outfits in this post on the fashion blog Feral Creature. Seriously… Can I just own every single article of clothing in these photos? And have her hair? …Please?

5. Favorite Internet Find

Just watch this video ok? So beautiful and powerful. Just watch it.

 

Now I really have to get some rest. Warped Tour (the greatest event of the year) is tomorrow!

Question(s):

What have you been loving this week?

Ever make sushi before? Did yours fall apart too? Or are you some sushi-making prodigy? 

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life

3 Words Per Photo


Hey everyone! It’s been a long day with very little time to sit down and blog so I thought I would share my day through photos! I’m stealing this idea from my favorite blogger ever Janae  to explain what each photo is in only 3 words!

Admittedly, today was supposed to be a (my first) What I Ate Wednesday… But I kinda-sorta failed at eating normal meals (I was on the go all day so my eats were kind of bizarre and were a little bit of everything)… So I guess I’ll have to wait until next week and try again!

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Arms are screaming.

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Morning with grandparents.

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My happy place.

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Date Nut Bread.

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So flipping good.

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A new video.

Goodnight!

Question(s):

Describe your day in three words. GO! (This isn’t really a question, now is it?)

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Uncategorized

Friday Favorites 6.20.14


Happy Friday! … Even though in like… 15 minutes it won’t be Friday anymore.

Whoops…

So, to make sure to get this post up on the day that it’s actually supposed to go up, I will spare you my usual rambling and get straight to what I have been absolutely loving this week!

Food:

Trader-Mings

 

Trader Joe’s Sesame Soy Ginger Vinaigrette (wow, that’s a mouthful) is probably one of the greatest things ever. I’m not really one to buy packaged salad dressings, but when I’m having a big salad as my meal it’s nice to have something other than my usual balsamic + lemon juice. This stuff is light yet concentrated enough that a little bit goes a long way. I’ve been enjoying this over salads and in cold “stir-fry” form with zucchini noodles!

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I win all the awards for lowest-quality blog pictures.

Favorite Workout:

Swimming. Swimming. SWIMMING! As I mentioned yesterday, I used to swim all the time and then stopped. As much as being injured sucks (although, I really want to maybe try to do a run tomorrow and see how I feel), I’m so glad that it kind of forced me to get back into swimming! I went again this morning and it was absolutely lovely.

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Yes, that is the same picture from yesterday’s post….

Don’t judge.

Favorite Makeup:

I’ve been absolutely loving my go-to summer look that I posted on my Youtube channel!

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You may be thinking that putting this video into my Friday Favorites is shameless self-promotion.

You may be right.

But in complete seriousness, I have been loving this makeup look.

Favorite Read:

This article by Competitor on iron upkeep for runners. Like so many runners (especially female), I have low iron. In fact, I had low iron before I started running. Aside from pills and eating red meat (which I don’t really do) and a load of spinach, I didn’t know of any other ways to get my iron up.

Definitely a worthwhile read. Do recommend.

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Favorite Blogger:

Liz over at Funky Forest Food! I found her instagram while looking through some tag (maybe #rawvegan ? I’m not really sure) and the vibrant colors of her drool-worthy looking foods got my attention. I then went to her blog and spent an embarrassing amount of time lurking. She’s got some great healthy recipes that also happen to all be quite aesthetically pleasing.

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I need to make this now.

 

Tomorrow is Summer! Who’s excited?

Question(s):

What have you been loving this week?

Any fun weekend plans?

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