Mental Health Monday – The Negativity Trap

Hey everyone!
I’m not even going to get into another long-winded explanation of how busy and crazy life has been and how blogging hasn’t really been possible and blah blah blah. Instead, we are just going to get right into today’s topic.

The negativity trap.

This post is one that I have wanted to write for almost a month now. However, due to life and emotional stuff and all that nonsense, it just hasn’t happened. Needless to say, I am super stoked to finally be able to sit down and write about this close to my heart topic.

So, this “negativity trap.” What exactly is it?

In a nutshell, the negativity trap is the phenomena that occurs when you surround yourself with others who have a negative attitude about a particular topic, or just life in general.

For example, say that you are talking to a friend and they are going on about a certain professor/teacher/employer that they just can’t stand. You are also a student/employee of this particular person, but you don’t have the same extreme opinion about them that your friend does. Heck, you may really even like this person.

So your friend is going on about how horrible this person is, how much they hate them, the whole nine yards. At first, you just let your friend vent without interjecting with your own personal opinion. However, this only works until you realize that your friend is actually expecting you to have an opinion as well.

Realizing this, you try to respond appropriately, while still not agreeing with the hateful views of your friend. Eventually, as your friend continues to go on, you find yourself agreeing more and more. In fact, you find yourself complaining about this particular person as well.

It’s strange, and it is something that I notice very frequently. It’s a bit like peer pressure… When you surround yourself with negativity, eventually you will find yourself giving into it.

So how do you handle this situation?

It’s trickier than you would think. You don’t agree with someone’s negative opinion? Just say so! …Right?

Not necessarily.

Unfortunately, us human beings have the tendency to let our ego control our thoughts an actions. We have some deeply routed need to fit in, to feel validated, supported. That being said, just because the ego wants to control us doesn’t mean that you have no choice but to succumb to it.

The goal of not just avoiding the negativity trap, but of life itself, is to achieve the highest level of self-actualization…. And a huge part of this is to let go of the ego, of the herd need, of the fear (that sometimes you don’t even know is there) that is making you give into the negativity that is attempting to make its way into your mind to alter your thinking.

See, it is so much easier to think in the same way as everyone else… And once you do fall into negativity, it is just a slippery slope. Negativity is infectious. But guess what? So is positivity.

It’s a difficult process, and it takes a lot of mental strength and control to avoid falling into the negativity trap. Going against the popular opinion is  difficult, it’s terrifying and uncomfortable. It takes practice, but I assure you that you will feel so much better if you stay true to your beliefs.

When we allow ourselves to give into negativity and allow others to project their thoughts and opinions (that we don’t actually agree with) on ourselves, we allow ourselves to be lesser than who we actually are.

Think about it for a second. Think of a time where you allowed someone else so put their opinion on you. Think of a time where you said something that you didn’t mean or agree with just to make someone else happy. How did you feel after the conversation ended? Did you feel guilt? Did you think, “Why did I say that?”

It’s not a good feeling.

Also, when we allow ourselves to fall into the negativity trap, we portray ourselves as something that we are not. When we surround ourselves with negativity, even if we are not thinking the same negative thoughts as our peers, we are lumped together with those that we surround ourselves with. When we agree with ideas that we don’t believe in and voice negative opinions that are not even our own, we project an image of being something that we are not. Fall into the negativity trap and you take on the image of being a negative person, and that is not who you are.

As I said earlier, it is definitely not easy to avoid falling into the negativity trap. It requires mental strength and control. It requires not allowing your thoughts and behaviors to be controlled by the ego. It requires a constant awareness and constant analyzations of your thoughts, words an actions.

There are always going to be times when you fall into this negativity trap. There will always be times when you let your guard down and let other’s thoughts and opinions warp your own. No one is perfect. However, in this life, the main mission is to become the greatest and most authentic version of yourself. It is a journey, and staying true to yourself even when you stand alone is just one step on this never-ending journey.

Thinking Out Loud 9.4.2014 – A Ton Of Thoughts And Questions

Hey everyone!

It’s my favorite day (blog post wise) of the week!

Thanks Amanda!

 

1. Workout – 6 miles in Central Park to start my day!

Recycled (and blurry!) photo because I didn’t actually take any in the park this morning.

I stuck to the standard run/bike road today instead of venturing off onto the other trails. This was partially due to the fact that I didn’t feel like running uphill anymore than I needed to (although, I will say that a majority of this run was still uphill.. The climbs just weren’t as steep as they would have been if I had ventured off of the main trail) and partially because it was early in the morning and I felt more comfortable being around a lot of people than being on my own. 

 

 

2. I go to Fairway way too often.

Also, the Fairway near where I currently live is absolutely nothing compared to my local Fairway back home. I miss it.

 

 

I really can’t keep going to the grocery store/buying coffee/spending money every day… But I just really “needed” more dark chocolate covered ginger (I shouldn’t keep that stuff around, let me tell you), crystalized ginger (again… dangerous), and pretzels (Fairway carries the best super thin whole wheat pretzel sticks ever). Needed…

 

4. Breakfast. Same as per usual + crumbled Weetabix. A winning idea. 

I also have been putting my yogurt in the freezer in the morning upon waking up so that it will be slightly frozen to a froyo like consistency by the time I have worked out, showered, and am ready to eat.

 

 

 

 

4. So that yogurt…

Last night, I watched the very well known and well loved documentary Forks Over Knives.

 

 

I have been wanting to watch this documentary for quite some time now. I loved the idea of a documentary that focused on a whole food, plant based diet that used facts, numbers, science, and testimonials over scare tactics and horror-movie like scenes of animals being tormented that you find in most “go vegan” type films.

Also, since I have been reading Dr. Cambell’s Whole book and Dr. McDougall’s Starch Solution, I found myself even more motivated(?) to watch this particular documentary.

It was great, I would recommend it to anyone and everyone, whether you are vegan, are interested in going vegan, or have absolutely no desire whatsoever to embrace a vegan lifestyle. Regardless of your dietary preference (as you know, I myself am not vegan), I truly believe that everyone should live a predominantly plant-based lifestyle.

That leads me to my next point…

5. I feel so guilty.

I have been watching nothing but vegan Youtube videos recently, and now I have unleashed the beast on the vegan documentaries. I am the type of person that once I become interested in something, I become obsessed. It doesn’t matter whether or not I agree with everything that I am watching (I watch all different types of vegans on Youtube, and I’m sorry but some of the advice that some of them give is seriously alarming and disturbing), I will still watch as much as I can. I love learning a lot, and I love learning as much as possible about everything that I can… Whether or not the information that I am learning is correct.

I am also an extreme person, but I am also working on trying to be less extreme, less intense.

Balance. I am trying to learn balance.

For some reason, I thought that it would be a good idea to watch another documentary as I was eating my breakfast/right after.

 

It seemed innocent enough, 3 meat loving New Yorkers challenged to a month of veganism. It also started out innocent enough.

And then all of a sudden there were animals being killed… I skipped past that part.

And then I felt guilty about skipping that part.

I don’t eat a lot of meat, and I am very careful about where any animal products that I do consume come from (I know that there is no real way to make meat/dairy consumption “humane”… but there are definitely some sources that are better than other.. a little less cruel I guess). I felt guilty that even though I was skipping the graphic scenes, I still knew what they were saying. I felt so guilty that I was not vegan. 

I ate yogurt right before watching this film. YOGURT.

So I started freaking out. 

Am I bad person?

Why am I not a vegan?

Why can’t I just become a vegan?

I don’t even consume many animal products.

Why?

Why?

Why?

And then I realized what it was.

Basically, the intense and extreme part of my brain is also the part of my brain that is “sick”. It is where my eating disorder, my anxiety, my OCD, and my depression lives. Then, there is the part of my brain that is ok. That part of my brain is the part that wants to heal, it’s bigger than the part that wants to remain sad and sick, but it is also much weaker.

The non-sick part of my brain is also the rational part. It knows that I am extreme, and that labeling myself to committing to any specific type of diet or lifestyle will force the bad and sick part of my brain to latch onto that title and thrust me into a constant state of anxiety over the pressure to be absolutely perfect. 

I don’t know what to do. I do know that I want to limit animal product consumption as much as possible… And I do believe that I do that. But still, that bad part of my brain keeps telling me that that is no where near good enough. I feel like there is this entire community sitting around a table and discussing what a terrible person I am because I claim to love animals and dream of peace and want to live in harmony with the world… But I won’t commit to vegan. I feel like I am thought to be a fraud.

And here’s the kicker.

There is not one single person (that I know of) that gives a hoot about what my diet is. 

I don’t judge anyone else’s dietary choices… So why do I feel like others judge mine.

Wow, this just turned into a really long point… I guess that my mind is just really spinning right now and I feel like a bad person, but I also know that committing myself to being vegan will actually detract from the (small) progress in mental healing that I have made so far in my recovery from my eating disorder.

I know that there are many many people who find that adopting a vegan diet actually helped them heal from mental disorders.. But I know myself, and I know the pressure that I put on myself… And I know that putting a title of any kind on myself, whether it be a good one or a bad, is not good for my mental health.

I don’t know man, I just don’t know.

But I don’t like feeling like a bad person.

Well, if you read this entire rant, you deserve a hug and a high five, because you, my friend, are awesome.

5. I walk by this every day on my commute to school and it never fails to make my heart happy.

6. And now I am off to my 3 hour class in the room that has no windows or air conditioning. Wish me luck!

 

Question(s):

1. What is your opinion on my whole “to vegan or not to vegan” thing? I would really love as much input from other people as I can get!

2. Do you like documentaries? What are some good ones to watch (health related or otherwise)?

SMART Goal Setting + My Goals For The Week

Hello there people! How is your Sunday going?

Workout: Insanity Pure Cardio + Abs

Today has been a day full of a whole lot of nothing. I’m not feeling well whatsoever, so I’m just trying to rest up as much as possible in anticipation of a long night at work tonight.

I don’t know about you guys, but with rest often comes a ton of thinking… And I have certainly been thinking about a lot today.

I have a lot to work on in my life. In fact, this blog has become a means of chronicling my own journey in doing just that. I have a lot of healing to do, both mentally and physically. I have a lot of growing to do. I have a lot of self-discovery to do.

I have been in a truly horrible place for so long and I have only just recently began thawing. It’s been a slow process, and unfortunately it seems that for every step forward I take in healing, I take 5 steps backwards.

So it’s time to accept the fact that what I have been doing, or not doing, hasn’t been working… And it’s time to move forward.

I think that something I do, and that a lot of us do, is set huge long term goals and leave it at that.

I am going to get healthy.

I am going to lose xx pounds.

I am going to get a good job.

I am going to get a 4.o in school.

The problem with these type of goals is that that they are so broad that they often leave the goal setter feeling less inspired and more overwhelmed.

In my exercise science class, we learned about a type of goal setting called the SMART model.

Goals should be:

Specific

Measurable

Attainable

Realistic

Time oriented

Now, we were learning about this specific way of goal setting in regards to fitness and weight loss, but it can easily be applied to any and every goal that one sets for themselves.

And this SMART model of goal setting is definitely, dare I say, smart.

Here’s an example of how this model would be used (this isn’t a goal of mine… just one that I made up).

Broad goal – To lose weight.

Specific – I want to lose 20 pounds

Measurable – Weigh ins and measurements taken weekly

Achievable – Losing 20 pounds at a steady pace of 1-2 pounds per week. (What you wouldn’t want is to set a goal of losing 20 pounds in a month…)

Realistic – Pretty much the same as Achievable

Time Based – Lose 20 pounds in the next 4-5 months.

Braking up a huge goal into smaller, more manageable mini-goals makes the goal less overwhelming. It’s like when your room is a complete mess, so you decide that one day you will clean out the closet, then your drawers the next day, and so on and so forth.

That being said, part 1 of what I have dubbed Operation Makeover My Life, is setting weekly goals!

I always psych myself out when it comes to setting weekly goals because all I can think of is, “What if I fail at accomplishing all of my goals and then am a pathetic failure because I can’t do anything right?”

Is this a tad overdramatic? Why yes.

First thing to write down for yesterday’s challenge – I will fail at accomplishing all that I set out to do this week. I will accomplish my goals for the week… And if not, that is ok. There is always next week. I will be kinder to myself.

So here are a couple of my goals for the week:

1. Drink green tea!

 

I have actually already started on this one! I’m enjoying a cup of green tea with lemon while I am writing this!

Green tea is something that I used to enjoy daily, and I have to say that I actually felt better when I did. Green tea has such a huge amount of health benefits, curbs the appetite, helps control sugar cravings, and helps stimulate the metabolism. It’s also very hydrating.

And delicious.

It seems simple and silly, but as part of bettering my health and body, incorporating a cup or two of green tea into my daily routine seems like as good of a place as any to start!

 

I also want to work on getting my hands of some matcha (it’s just so darn expensive) for even more health benefits!

2. Reduce my intake of processed carbohydrates.

We all know how I feel about my (grotesquely large) “snack” plates as meals.

See all those pretzels and rice snaps? Now, there is nothing wrong with enjoying some pretzels now and again. I know that a lot of people look at carbohydrates and breads as the devil… But the way I see it is that if pretzels are the most unhealthy thing that I am eating, then I don’t exactly see it as the worst thing in the world.

What makes my pretzel habit problematic is that they seem to make up almost half of my total intake for the day… I include them in my lunches, and often my dinners since I often have snack plates for dinners as well. Along with incorporating them into meals, I also snack on them throughout the day.

I just don’t feel comfortable with the percentage of my total intake coming from these types of foods or with the lack of nutritional value that these foods offer.

And this leads me to my next goal.

4. Eat more protein!

I seem to have fallen out of incorporating lean protein sources into any of my meals… I maybe have something like tuna or chicken breast of fish twice a week… And that is certainly not ideal. Funny thing is, I know that part of my aversion to protein sources is my stupid fear of calories… I feel like if I am going to intake x amount of calories, I would rather get them from something that I enjoy more (hello pretzels).. Which is dumb.

Protein has a thermogenic effect on the body, so incorporating more protein into my diet would actually encourage a higher metabolic rate after meal time which would encourage a leaner physique.

and that brings me to my final goal for the week…

5. Normalize my meals.

One cannot and should not live on acai bowls, snack plates, and pretzels alone… I strongly believe that if I started eating more normal meals, my issues with constant grazing and high intake of low fiber carbohydrates would greatly lessen.

Then maybe I would feel better about myself and less bad about my diet and eating habits.

 

Small steps. Small steps.

Here’s to a good week!

Question(s):

What are your goals for the week?

What is your biggest dietary downfall?

 

 

Eating Disorder Awareness Week – Fast Facts from NEDA and Some of My Favorite Resources

Hello all, I just realized that I wrote out this post at the beginning of the week and never actually published it… Whoops.

You may or may not know that this week is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. In fact, on February 25th (Tuesday), the Empire State Building was lit up green and blue in support of ED awareness!

I know that I have offhandedly mentioned this here, but I have been in recovery from an eating disorder for about 3 years now. Like most people, I constantly teeter between recovery and relapse, and unfortunately, my mind is still more towards the latter, while my body is definitely in the prior. I had a whole post about it 3 years ago when I first started this blog (has it really been that long?), but I deleted it a year later, along with a majority of my posts because I didn’t want that to be what my blog was about. I wanted this blog to be a positive place, and I didn’t want my eating disorder to define my blog.

At the same time, this blog is about my life, and my eating disorder and my struggle for recovery and a positive body image are a big part of that life.

So, since this week is very near and dear to my heart, I thought that I would share some facts that I find important from the NEDA website, as well as some resources that I use and find helpful.

Males and Eating Disorders…

It’s no surprise that eating disorder are normally written off as a, “girl issue.: They effect males too, and often it’s much harder for them to get help due to being embarrassed because of this misconception. When I was in the hospital, half of my fellow ED patients in day program were male.

Binge Eating Disorder, or BED.

BED is actually the most common type of eating disorder, though it is also the least talked about one. It is something that people seem to just write off as, “Oh, you just overeat.” But the difference between just overeating and binging is the mental state of the person. A binge is uncontrollable and, from what I have heard from friends who have struggled with it, horrifying. Since it is not taken seriously, hardly anyone (less than half) that suffers with BED receives help.

You can find more information and eating disorder facts on the NEDA website.

Some other resources that I find helpful in recovery and in helping others.

What Not to Say to Someone With an Eating Disorder – When you have an eating disorder, almost any type of compliment/advice/help that is given to the sufferer will be taken the wrong way. It’s hard to know just what to say, and it’s not your fault if you say the wrong thing… it’s hard to deal with someone in such a fragile emotional state. This is just a list of 7 things that would seem like good things to say that actually do more harm than good.

The Recovery Record App for iPhone – This is something that I recently discovered, and it’s a really great app. It’s a log for your food, but not in the traditional sense. While recording your calories/exchanges while in recovery is important, in some cases it can be damaging. Instead of logging food, nutrients, and calories, you log your food and fill out a little questionnaire about how that meal made you feel.

It also includes some really helpful resources for those seeking help and/or support.

 

 

Remember that there is no set point for being “sick enough” to have an eating disorder. If you think something is wrong with you or a loved one, no matter how small you may perceive said problem, please don’t hesitate to seek help.

You’re all beautiful and deserve happiness. Never forget that =)